Author Topic: Nobody is getting what they need :(  (Read 743 times)

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Offline mieander

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Nobody is getting what they need :(
« on: August 03, 2016, 16:07:45 pm »
To sum up-I have no idea how to start E.A.S.Y. with child #3.

I have a 6 yr old boy, 2.5 yr old girl, and a 3 month old girl.  E.A.S.Y. was fairly easy with my first.  DD1 came along and my son was happy to play independently while I worked with the baby to get into an E.A.S.Y. routine.  A bit harder than doing it with one child, but we got there.

I have no idea where to start with DD2.  The only predictable thing she does is fall into a deep sleep sometime between 8 and 10, and often sleeps through the night.  Sometimes I can rouse her enough for a DF at 11 but not always, and she'll often sleep through the night, waking about 6:30 or 7:00.  I try to start the day following E.A.S.Y. but it soon falls apart, mostly because the older two children have made it very difficult for DD2 to get any sleep during the day.
Example:
6:50 A, Eat
8:00 almost got her to sleep, when chaos broke out in the other room and woke her.  I put her in her crib to clean up the orange juice, fell in some water DS spilled and didn't wipe up, and got the biting to stop.
8:10 tried again to get her to sleep, no go.
8:30 nursed her to sleep on the couch, held her for the "nap"  (she usually wakes if she falls asleep like this and I try to put her down).
9:30A wanted to eat again, but I put her off until 10:00
10:00 E, A, dozing a little while eating
11:00-11:30 trying to get her to sleep, nursed down at 11:30, put in bed, woke up 11:45 wants to nurse to sleep again but I put her off to try and get lunch for other two.  Very overtired by now.

Now what?


I can usually get DD2 to sleep (unless one one of the older ones comes in loudly needing something or crying from a fight). If If get her in the crib and wait for the first few startles, she'll sleep for about 10-20 minutes and wake on her own...IF she hasn't been woken up by the other two before then.  Resettling hasn't worked so far.
Things fall apart when I leave the other two alone to try and get DD2 asleep, they fight or DD1 will get into things and I don't dare leave her unsupervised.    I've ended up just sitting on the couch to hold DD2 through naps while I try and parent the other two.  This isn't working well either, DD2's naps are a bit longer but nowhere what she needs, so she ends up dozing and snacking all day, and DD1 quickly learned to ignore me while I have the baby.  I have no idea how to get the day back on track when I miss the first nap or it only lasts a few minutes.  She won't nap in a swing or bouncer either.
Having activities for the older two while I work with the napping hasn't worked -it just takes too long and they get bored.  I've tried using the TV as a babysitter while I try to lengthen naps, but that has caused issues with the other two as well, they now expect to watch TV all day.  I've limited TV the last two days and they are going through withdrawals.

I feel bad that nobody is getting what they need.  We'd made good progress with potty training DD1 before DD2 came, but we are back in diapers because I resorted to pullups the first few weeks and she stopped going in the bathroom at all.  DS1 is not getting the attention he needs either and I get frustrated with him too much.

We desperately need a routine but I don't know how to do it.


« Last Edit: August 03, 2016, 17:51:18 pm by mieander »

Offline Lindsay27

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Re: Nobody is getting what they need :(
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2016, 17:48:40 pm »
Massive hugs hun!  I only have 2 LOs and that can be chaotic enough I can imagine how hard it would be to start a routine when you have 2 others home.  What I am thinking is what if you just focus on 1 nap for now, say the first one, and set the other kids up with an activity/TV show/iPad or tablet time for just that nap (so they do not get bored of doing this multiple times a day) and have the other naps be on the go or in a sling/whatever works kinda thing, for now until that first nap gets good, then you can guarantee yourself that and then work on the next nap.

For the first nap I would aim to push your A times a bit to 1.5hrs so that it takes her less time to settle.  If she takes a short nap I would only spend maybe 10mins attempting to resettle as I imagine anything longer than that and you are getting into dangerous territory with the other children unsupervised, and shorten the next A time.

Does she nap in the stroller/buggy at all? I am wondering if this is plausible for nap 2 or 3, so as to be on the go to the park/on a walk/bike ride etc. that will occupy the others but allow her to nap.

As for the DF, if she often sleeps through then I'm not entirely sure I would worry about the DF at all.  I didn't do it with either of my LOs and it sounds like your DD2 can get on just fine without it.



Offline mieander

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Re: Nobody is getting what they need :(
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2016, 17:57:09 pm »
Thank you!  It helps to even have that much of a plan, I'll try the longer awake time and focus on the first nap for now.  She does have good sleep cues, I just need to be able to keep her asleep better.  She will sleep in the stroller, but it gets over 100*F by 10:00 am and is too hot to try it.  Things should cool off in a month or so, and the 6yr old will be in school, so hopefully I can try that then.   She does sleep in a sling too, but I can only do that for so long (sore leg) :)

Offline Lindsay27

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Re: Nobody is getting what they need :(
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2016, 18:42:04 pm »
I feel ya on the heat!  It's the same here and we only tend to go 1 place - the splash pad! 

I agree, in a months time when your older DD is in school you might be able to tackle a routine better, especially because you will probably be approaching 4hr EASY which, in my option, is when things generally get easier only having to worry about 2 real naps.  Also, naps started really lengthening around 4.5 months for us and we didn't have to resettle much anymore.

So aim for the 1st nap in the crib, and either the 2nd or 3rd one in the sling so you don't have to wear her all day, but then at least she gets some sleep and isn't OT, yk?



Offline Erin M

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Re: Nobody is getting what they need :(
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2016, 04:11:19 am »
Totally second the advice with just worrying about one nap for now.  My #3 was an awful sleeper and I would focus on his first nap and bedtime and just let everything else go as best it could.  Picking my oldest up at school often destroyed our later naps anyway as he'd fall asleep on the car and short nap.  He sorted it all eventually and turned into a fantastic independent sleeper, hopefully because of all the groundwork that we worked on in the early months.  Overstimulation was tough too -- there's always something going on in our house!  He got used to it all eventually and he can sleep through pretty much anything now!

Offline *Ali*

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Re: Nobody is getting what they need :(
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2016, 21:53:15 pm »
It's hard. I find I have to set my DSs (6.5yo and almost 5yo) up with something like TV and an ice lolly or making a lego model while I go off to put DD (19mo) down for her nap. We are still BFing before sleep so it can take a while.

Can you perhaps only let them watch TV when you go go put DD2 down for a nap? That way they might not waste the opportunity. Or some treat like an ice lolly? We make our own in moulds so I know what is in it etc.

Do you get out much with them? They could be getting bored at home lots. Are there any indoor places like soft play or such you can take them to?

I realised I had to get the older ones the stimulation they required too and sometimes the baby just had to sleep on the go. We couldn't stay home too much for so many naps.
Cadan Dec 2009 and Colby Aug 2011


Offline sueyloo

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Re: Nobody is getting what they need :(
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2016, 09:10:13 am »
Mieander I empathise. I'm sort of in the same boat. Just sending you hugs