2 year old sleep regression after holiday

[js84]

Hi,

My daughter turned 2 a month ago. Before our holiday over her birthday, she was a great independent sleeper. I would just lay her down in her cot and walk out, and she would put herself to sleep easily. Her schedule would be from 7.30pm-6.30am and a nap from 1.30-2.30pm.

We came back from a 3 week holiday a fortnight ago and since then there have been sleep issues for 2 weeks.

She didn't have any jet lag, so the first 4 nights we let her cry it out. Unfortunately she can climb out of her cot and come crying looking for me. But when she is too tired, she tries unsuccessfully to climb out of the cot, and would stand in her cot for 4-5 hours (the first hour would be escalating crying, asking for me, and eventually stop crying but just standing In her cot). When I feel that she is very sleepy and needs to lie down instead of closing her eyes whilst standing for 4-5 hours, I quietly try to lay her down, only for her to start crying again and it starts all over again with the standing and waiting for me to come in.

We stopped the cry it out method thereafter. She dislikes being put in her cot and only after much persuasion and telling her that I'm sitting next to her, she would finally lie down. But would make excuses that she is thirsty, blanket coming off, check that I'm still there by sitting or standing, all the while I have to sit at the ajar bedroom door. It can take up to 2 hours for her to sleep.

She then wakes up multiple times a night calling for me, so I would lay her down in her cot and inform her that I'm sitting next to her. But she would whisper "mama" off and on to check that I'm still there. If I'm not there, she would start crying again.

Now she dislikes nap time (when previously she would know that she is tired and want to go to her bedroom to sleep). And doesn't want me to close the bedroom door during nap time either.

I think she got used to sleeping in the same room as us whilst travelling (even though she would be in her own cot).

With the lack of sleep, she would be overly tired during the day, and inevitably be grumpy and clingy the whole day.

I've had a look at the walk-in/walk out method, but think her cries escalate every time I walk out. Is there an element of the Gradual Withdrawal Method I could implement such that I don't even need to step into the room to lay her down during the middle of the night, or something else?

Could you help? I just want the same routine as what it was before the holiday!

Thank you!

[Haribo2012]

Hi there, big hugs it's tough when our LOs change things up.

It sounds a little like some separation anxiety is bothering her at the moment and there is also a developmental leap around birthdays so that could be a factor.

We don't support CIO here at BW as it breaks the trust between child and parent so I would definitely suggest gradual withdrawal if she's been left to cry.

I think it may be best to sit next to her cot for the first couple of nights so she can see you and be reassured, you will need to do this at bedtime and in the night so she knows your there for her.

You may need to bring BT a little earlier if she's OT to help catch up.

She will get back to where she was it just may take a little time and patience 

[js84]

Thank you Haribo for your kind advice.

I have started with the Gradual Withdrawal Method by sitting at the bedroom door so she knows I'm there. However she has been waking up every hour during the night asking for me as she realises I'm not sitting at her bedroom door. So I have to sit there until she falls asleep each time. Is there a way of helping her self settle again without expecting me to sit near her in the middle of the night?

[Shiv52]

What were the sleeping arrangements on holidays?

Honestly I think you need to give it a week of reassuring her. Lots of 'mummy will always come when you need her' and prove it and then 'mummy will always come but it's night time and time to sleep'.

[Haribo2012]

I would just keep going to her, cuddle, kiss soft voice saying night time now time for sleep (or similar) then mummy loves you go to sleep mummy is here etc. GW is a slow gentle process and will cause her least anxiety, she just needs you lots at the moment.

It will be a tough few days but she will learn to sleep without you again. When my first DS had any kind of developmental leap his SA went through the roof, many a night I spent laid next to the cot then falling asleep sat in the doorway.

[js84]

Thank you Shiv52 and Haribo.

Shiv52, my daughter slept in her own cot, but unfortunately we were all in the same room, so she got used to me being in close proximity to her.

I will follow both your advice and hopefully she'll be able to sleep on her own again without constantly looking for me throughout the night.

[Haribo2012]

Keep us posted hopefully won't take too long for her to adjust x

[Shiv52]

Hope it goes ok. Was probably just too big a jump to go from room sharing to being back on her own. Shouldn't take very long to short it out but she will need reassurance xx

[js84]

Thanks Shiv and Haribo. I'll keep you posted!

[ginger428]

Hi there js! Hugs as I know how hard it is to adjust from any interruption in good sleep habits. Just popping in as I just returned from a 2 week trip halfway around the world.  DS was an independent sleeper but on the trip, we had one bed and he slept with us every night.  For naps, I also had to rock and hold him to help him doze off.  I expected him to need reassurance when we returned, so I rocked and if needed, he came into bed with me. But on a few occasions, he has asked to go into his bed and went off beautifully.  It certainly takes a lot of work and patience, but the more front-loading of reassurance and comfort there is, I think the faster they are willing to sleep independently again.

As a side note, whenever DS is ill, has separation anxiety (we went through this a month or so ago around his 2nd birthday as well), he needs tons of reassurance- for us that's either holding him in the rocking chair, laying down next to his crib, or patting him. I'm willing to do it all because he has proven that he can return to independent sleep every time.

I wish you the best in your efforts and from my experience, it will pay off! We are here to support you in any way we can.

[js84]

Thanks Ginger for your advice. Sounds like reassurance is the key. How long did it take for your DS to get back to independent sleeping?

[ginger428]

Currently, we're in the 100% reassurance phase and not doing GW (in the sense that we don't start off in the bed) because we're still working on readjusting from the time difference. Still, he's gone off on his own several times in the past 5 days that we've been back. I'll start rocking him or whatever, then just try laying him down in his crib.  If he fights, I go back to the chair. If he's ok but fusses, I stay and pat. If he rolls over and seems fine, I leave without saying a word.

For illness, we prop him for as long as he's uncomfortable, then it takes almost no time, a day or so, for him to go back to IS.

For SA, it was a longer process and we used prop for only a couple days, then did GW. But it would get really upset again, so we repeated. This lasted several weeks. I know it may not be what you want to hear, but it's a phase and it will pass.  Some things we did during this time was use sleepy phrases. They certainly understand a lot more at this age and can be conversational but I like to use those key phrases from when he was younger... I think it's reassuring. I'll pat and say, "momma's/I'm right here."  "momma/I will stay (and lay down next to his bed)" "I'll be back if you need me (and really come right back if he calls for me)"  This last phase is after being with him for a few days and to test if he's ready for IS again.

Hope that makes sense and helps some. Xoxo

[js84]

Thanks Ginger. Sounds like I have to be patient. Really questions whether going on holiday is worth it! Especially the short holidays!