2-1 combined with separation anxiety

[Viross5000]

Hi everyone, you've given me some amazing advice in the past and I'm hoping you can help me now because I've got no idea what to do.

Our lo hasn't always been good at sleeping through but he did always settle really well at night and for months has always settled really well for naps. He's now 15 months.  Until recently his day looked like this:

A: 6-7
S: 10-11/11.30
S: 2.30 - 3.30/4
S: 19.20 ish (bedtime routine starts at 7, bottle, bath, bed used to fall asleep straight away)

Nursery have started to push him to one nap. They say it's because he was getting difficult to settle but I think it's cos they want him to move him to the bigger room and they all have one nap!  Since then he's got more difficult to settle for two so we decided rogue in and go for one. But the one is no longer. So the day yesterday looked like this:

A: 7.00
S: 12.20 - 13.45
S: 19.30
Nw: 2.30 - 3.30

That's fine - I'd like the nap longer but he was on pretty good form and didn't seem too tired. But the problem is that he screams when we leave the room. He just won't self settle any more. Four out of five bedtimes we've had to stay in the room with him, with hand on his back. Same for last nights waking, same for naps in his cots. On Friday and sat eve it took us 1.5 and 1 hrs to settle him. Last night it was much quicker because he was more tired after only one nap but then he woke in night and needed is there to settle him.

I don't know what to do. He's never been a clingy baby but he is now. He follows us from room to room, wants picking up etc. I think it's separation anxiety and have read lots of articles about how to help but they all seem targeted at younger babies. I really don't want to start bad habits of us in the room but there really is no choice unless we leave him to cry and I've refused to do that til now and won't start. I'd love some advice. X

[jessmum46]

(((Hugs))), these changes can be really tough going for parents as well as LOs!  So my bet looking at his day is that his nap is possibly too late for a LO new to one nap, so is therefore short, and he's going to bed OT.  I would try bringing the one nap a bit earlier, and bringing bedtime back to 6.30/7pm - 12h day maximum.  With the separation anxiety you just have to ride it out really, keep reassuring him that you are there for him and if he needs extra help right now then I would give it.  Both of mine have always gone straight back to independent sleep once the storm has blown over, whatever it has been   Is there any chance he could be starting to get his 1y molars or his canines?  Both caused horrible SA symptoms here and real difficulty in settling to sleep.  Plus extra tiredness which never helps!  Worth a try of some pain meds before sleep if you feel comfortable doing that just to see if it helps?

[Viross5000]

Thanks!! I'll try and get the nap a bit earlier - I had thought pushing it later might help us get to bedtime but I do see what you mean. Would I still do lunch before? Nap at 12 ish or even earlier? He hadn't been having lunch until about 12.30 at home but I guess it's not that difficult to shift it earlier

It's possible he's got more canines coming through. He's got all four of the first molars and a couple of canines have popped through in the last couple of weeks. Normally he's really grumpy during the day if he's got teeth coming and goes off food, whereas at the mi ute he's so lovely and so much fun! but I'll give the pain medals a try because it definitely can't do any harm!! I'm glad you haven't suggested anything harsh for him - I'm pretty level headed and have always been carefully to distinguish between a bit of moaning, when I leave him, and crying when I go in. And these cries are so scared and upset I couldn't bear leaving him!!

[jessmum46]

I'm glad you haven't suggested anything harsh for him

Oh (((hugs)))!  That's not what we're about here   In my experience when a good sleeper suddenly goes haywire, there's a reason and so helping them through it, whatever it may be, seems to be the best way of dealing with it.

When we were first on one nap it was more like 11.30, though our usual WU was 6.30 not 7.  I agree 12pm might be a good start for you.  You can do an early lunch at 11/11.30 or even a split lunch with half before and half after the nap.  The other thing I was going to suggest is don't be afraid if he's totally shattered to offer a quick catnap in the morning.  I would often time a car ride for around 9/9.30 and if DS dozed off I'd give him 15 mins then wake him up.  Then still put him down for his usual 11.30ish nap and he would be fine to go off.  Sometimes it just took the edge off enough to allow him a more settled sleep at lunchtime and then we could push on again with just one nap the next day x