Author Topic: Still actively shush-patting 5 month old  (Read 1505 times)

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Offline SofisMom

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Still actively shush-patting 5 month old
« on: August 16, 2016, 22:58:47 pm »
Hi all! Starting to get stressed out and need some help here.

We've been doing BW and EASY since my baby was just a few weeks old. She turned 5 months today.

My problem is with independent sleep. We've been doing shush/pat with her since she was just a few weeks old, it worked beautifully and I was so excited to soon have an independent sleeper by 3-4 months. However, she just turned 5 months today and heavily relies on us shush patting her to sleep for all naps and bedtime, with a good amount of crying involved before she's asleep. Sometimes we're able to lay her on her back and pat on top of her leg, but other times (and more and more so) she heavily relies on us turning her to her side (using a wedge) and actively patting on her back. Even when we turn her to her side and pat, sometimes it works fairly quickly (she stops crying after a min or so), but other times it still takes very long, maybe 5-10 mins of crying while she's on her side and we pat her back. For the past week or two it feels like she's becoming harder to put to sleep instead of easier, which makes me think: when will she ever sleep independently? Is there something I should be doing or will this get better on it's own?

Some random facts that would be good for you to know:

- I do BW/EASY pretty much by the book, so she's on the 4 hour routine with 4 feeds + the dream feed. At night she's usually asleep by 8pm-8:30pm and her wake up is usually between 7:30am-8am.

- Once we put her to sleep, she wakes up 0-2 times a night. 0 is rare, 1 wake up is most common. We shush pat her to sleep then. It can take 5-15 minutes.

- Even though we switched her to the 4 hour routine when she turned 4 months, she still wakes up at the 45 minute mark during naps. Some days only for one nap, but many days she wakes up at the 45 minute mark for BOTH naps. This is why I am getting so tired of shush patting. When she wakes up at 45 minutes, I shush pat her (turning her over to her side and patting her back), and then she finishes the 2 hour nap. So this issue is mainly problematic during the day, since I'd say our nights aren't horrible.

Because I have a 2 year old as well, the days of shush patting are getting tiring for me, especially with all the crying, I feel like shush patting is no longer even a "gentle" sleeping technique. When she was younger, shush pat would eliminate her crying and put her to sleep right away. Right now I feel like it takes 5-15 mins of actively shush patting and she's STILL crying so much during that process. My husband said I should look at the full picture (her nights are pretty good), not stress, it will get better with time, etc.

My thing is: is she only going to become more and more dependent on us shush patting her to sleep? How do I get her to become an independent sleeper? I've never done PU/PD, kind of nervous about it all and if it would mess up her nights at all.

Suggestions? My 1st took the paci and I'd be able to put her down, give paci, and walk out the room...I miss that!! This one can't keep the paci in her mouth. What are your thoughts?
Mom to two daughters, born June 2014 and March 2016. BW worked great on my first, can't wait to see results with my 2nd!

Offline Skadiver13

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Re: Still actively shush-patting 5 month old
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2016, 23:30:57 pm »
Hi hun, it sounds as if shush pat has become a prop and she is unable to self settle. Has she ever gone to sleep on her own? I.e. shush pat until she's drowsy but awake and then falls alseep by herself?

A few thoughts.
45min naps are usually indicative of being UT. Could you post your EASY? But if she then goes back to sleep it sounds as if she hasn't learned to link through her transitions yet and that might be because she's not going to sleep by herself so when she stirs she's looking for that shush/pat again to go back to sleep?

So we can take a look at your EASY and also start working on removing the prop of shush pat. It depends on yoru little one really on how you can do this. My older son couldn't do pu/pd so I had to do sort of a gradual withdrawal plan.

Here is the link for PU/PD: Pick Up/Put Down (PU/PD) - Everything you ever needed to know!
For Gradual Withdrawal:
The key to Gradual Withdrawal is to take tiny steps and make the changes very small at first so the child barely notices them.  Create a plan, broken into small steps of how you will reduce the parental dependence and work towards independence.  For example, patting on the back becomes lighter and lighter until the hand barely brushes the child's back, but is poised just above it.

To implement, follow your bedtime routine being certain that your child has sufficiently wound down from the day.  When wind down is completed, lay your child down, tuck them in and use a phrase they can associate with it's sleep time such as "time to go night-night you can find your blankie/pacifier/suck your thumb/etc. to help you fall asleep." Settle your child in their crib/bed and comfort as you normally would, then implement the first step in your plan.  Depending upon your child's temperament, you may be able to tackle more in less nights, or need to do less over the course of more nights.

The Gradual Withdrawal Method is intended for children that are reliant upon a parent's presence to calm them and help them settle for sleep. Examples are: sitting in the room, holding a child's hand, laying down with a child, patting to sleep, among others.  The idea is to simply reduce the reliance on parental presence gradually and in very small increments so the child continues to settle well and gains confidence in their ability to fall asleep independently.  The parent is there to assist the child in sleeping, but slowly reduces the dependence.  Examples might be: moving a chair closer and closer to the door until out of the room over the course of a few weeks, moving out a child's bed to an air mattress on the floor, then slowly move farther and farther towards the door over time, reducing the length of time patting though still staying with the child - then slowly working closer and closer towards the door.

This is also the best method for a child:
who's undergone controlled crying or crying it out as it helps to regain any trust that may have been broken
who gets very upset, sometimes to the point of vomiting
who does not settle after hours/days/weeks of walk in/walk out

This may also be a good method for a child who is not necessarily dependant on any one thing, but who needs some fundamental training to learn how to sleep independently.
My dreamed for Angel Baby DD (other than dreaded 40min naps) Born 4/30/16
Reflux, MSPI, Love my Spirited,textbook little munchkin DS Born 5/17/2012



**Siobhan**

Offline SofisMom

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Re: Still actively shush-patting 5 month old
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2016, 00:17:43 am »
Hi there!

I'm so sorry for the delay. These days it feels like I post about a problem but then life gets so hectic I barely find time to reply, altho I do read the responses right away and appreciate them very much.

So...you asked if my daughter ever falls asleep independently. At the time I wrote this post, it was super infrequent, maybe once in a week or less (barely happening). It just so happens that in the past 3-4 days, it has started happening a bit more...like once every other day or once a day. Yesterday she went to sleep completely by herself, altho I was in the room, I didn't even have my hand on her so not sure if knew I was there or not. It happened again this morning, then her second nap there was lots of crying and I had to turn her to her side and shush pat. I'm currently sitting in her room in the dark as she goes to sleep by herself again (hopefully).

How do I continue encouraging this? There are times she simply needs me more than others. Sometimes she'll cry right away when I put her down and it'll escalate, and the times she's gone to sleep herself, she was calm from the beginning. Awake times and wind down rituals didn't differ. I really, really want her to start sleeping independently all the time. Since I know she can do it, How do I encourage her to even when she's upset? Let her cry for a set number of minutes? What are your thoughts?
Mom to two daughters, born June 2014 and March 2016. BW worked great on my first, can't wait to see results with my 2nd!

Offline Skadiver13

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Re: Still actively shush-patting 5 month old
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2016, 14:37:52 pm »
Hi Hun, great job getting her to this point. I will note that here we don't advise CIO in any form. What you are already doing is a form of Gradual Withdrawal. Were you able to look at the links I posted in my previous post? It's all about how to get yourself out of the room over a period of time while she learns to fall asleep on her own. Routine is key here because if she OT/UT no amount of shush/pat is going to work to get her to sleep.
My dreamed for Angel Baby DD (other than dreaded 40min naps) Born 4/30/16
Reflux, MSPI, Love my Spirited,textbook little munchkin DS Born 5/17/2012



**Siobhan**

Offline SofisMom

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Re: Still actively shush-patting 5 month old
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2016, 12:48:38 pm »
Yes, I did look at the links, thank you! I think at this time gradual withdrawal is a better plan for us vs PU/PD.

Thank you for all your help!
Mom to two daughters, born June 2014 and March 2016. BW worked great on my first, can't wait to see results with my 2nd!

Offline Skadiver13

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Re: Still actively shush-patting 5 month old
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2016, 21:00:28 pm »
It's what worked for my DS. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
My dreamed for Angel Baby DD (other than dreaded 40min naps) Born 4/30/16
Reflux, MSPI, Love my Spirited,textbook little munchkin DS Born 5/17/2012



**Siobhan**