Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school

[athenasmom]

I have been going back and forth about this issue for a couple months now and I really don't know what to do 
So DD turned 2 at the end of June. She has been in an in-home daycare since she was 3 months old. She loves her Nana Gigi (the daycare lady) and is always happy to go to her. Otherwise she has major SA all the time. We have never been able to leave her with anyone except with my niece and my dad a few times. But she has never had any issues walking into her daycare each morning. Maybe a handful of times she has cried after a longer break form daycare but that passed in a day or two. We plan to put her into the pre-school my DS went to. It is an awesome place. But I don't know if it is the right time just yet. DH thinks she is ready ... and he is right that she would get a lot out of it. I mean they have a big yard with an awesome playground and water days when they get to play on the splash pad in the summer. They have a huge indoor soft play playground too as it gets really hot here in the summers. And of course there would be a lot of kids at her age which she seems to really enjoy when we go out. BUT her SA really scares me. She is well adjusted with her daycare lady and she is great really. She loves her and hugs and kisses her all the time. But there are only two other kids there now ... a little baby and a 3 year old boy. DD adores both of them and plays nicely with them. She actually talks about baby Ava all the time and how she likes to take care of her. Kinda really sweet 
Sooooo ... how do I know when she is ready? With DS it was easy. He went to the same in-home daycare and when he was about 2.5 years old it just was obvious that he needed more stimulation and social interaction with kids his age and more physical activity too. He was instantly happy and adjusted well to the change. But he is also a more settled kid and never battled SA like DD does.
With DD I feel like she might or might not adjust well. I really don't know.  Will I feel that it is the right thing with her too when the time is right? Or is my worrying and projection of my emotions holding her back from something awesome? 

[ginger428]

Happy belated birthday A!!! Need to find that birthday list from bc!
I hope it was a really nice time with the family.

It seems like she is doing well with current daycare/Gigi. It *seems* like she would be ready for a more robust day care setting later than sooner.  So I guess I'd say you'll know when the time is right. I'm sure she could adjust and acclimate wellalso, but which one might best match her current temperament and needs?

[Mama2boys]

What are the benefits of moving her? Seems like she is not ready..

[Shiv52]

I'd say what she has in place is wonderful and suits her. I wouldnt move Her when she's showing no signs of needing a change.

Some children are so different. My friends DS2 is nearly 3 and loves loves loves daycare. Her older one hates it. Always has to the extent that this year she's sending him to a childminder and leaving the other one in daycare.  Just individual preferences!!

[-Maya-]

Hello Suzanna, I totally agree with pp. I wouldn't move her because she is so well settled. She is so little, there is plenty of time to give her more inputs!
When do tou have to take your decision?

[Martini~]

Here they say kids are ready to move at 2.5-3yo and that's when preschool starts. Before that we have nurseries where the care is different and more individual. Many parents here decide for nanny (1:1) up to the age of 2.5-3 and move children to a bigger place only then. I would also say that a little baby and 3yo seems to be a nice stimuli for her - you know, one to care and one to play. It really doesn't seem that there is not enough for her where she is now.

Re new place - it seems great, but all those things can be done at home or with a nanny or during weekends. I guess that preschool also means less attention for her as there are less carers per child and less flexibility - with sleep, food and etc. I wouldn't change if the only motivation for you is good playground and a need for more stimulation. If you have other reasons - maybe still worth considering.

[Katet]

I'm of the if it ain't broke don't fix it.

I personally believe think if she is really happy where she is keep her there, connection & happiness is much better (long term too)  than being around other children just because they are the same age, she has a lifetime for that. 

IMHO it's not going to change things long term if she stays there even until she's 5yo if she's happy & content. Certainly at the 13yo age I can't tell you who went to preschool at 2 & who went at 4 & knowing DS1's peers, some of the least social were the ones who went the earliest & the most out going stayed home with his Grandmother until he started school - he never went to Preschool at all.

[athenasmom]

Thank you ladies for your input.
I was just worried that I am holding her back from something that could be really great for her kwim? I tend to baby her because she is definitely my last one. For example, I still let her drink from a bottle on my lap because I so enjoy the cuddles. With DS that would have been out of the question. So sometimes I wonder if my actions are the cause of her SA. I don't want her to not have confidence because I hold onto her kwim? I am not sure that I strike the balance between nurture and support and letting go  I just hope that I will be able to clearly see when it is time to let go.
 

[Lindsay27]

I fear I am going to be in the exact same boat with my DD.  With my DS it was also extremely obvious he needed that change, but my DD is also very attached to me and has very bad SA, so while she's little I'd like her to go to a home daycare as well because I believe that would be the best setting for her, but like you at some point I would like her to go to a preschool, mainly for school readiness, so it doesn't all seem so shocking and overwhelming for her when the time comes.

Given she's just turned 2, is there any harm in waiting another 6 months or a year?  It might be more obvious when the time is right yk?  I am also in the 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' club, but I completely see your point.

[athenasmom]

There is no rush at all. We don't have to move her or decide right now. It is just my internal struggle 

[Katet]

It is just my internal struggle 

While I get that, the reality is she's her own person & has different needs to her brother & she's happy. Research will say she's not missing out on anything - If you read this article it basically points to 3 to 4yo's benefitting from Preschool http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/my-child-ready-preschool 
For me I'd have to say up until 3+ I'd always pick connection over socialisation if the child was happy. If like your DS he was bored then other options, but if she is happy & thriving then stick with that & allow her to be her own person. I often tell my boys fair, even & equal don't mean the same thing & as parents DH & try to focus on what is best for each child rather than trying to keep it 'equal' or 'even' in what opportunities the boys have.

[athenasmom]

Reviving this thread now in the light of some changes with DD's daycare ...

The 3 year old boy was moved to a pre-school so there is now only DD 26 months old, a baby girl 7 months old and a new baby boy 3 months old. DD still loves going and happily marches in there but I start to really feel that she does not get the stimulation that she needs. 

Ahhhhh .... what to do??!! 

[deb]

Sounds like something to discuss with the daycare provider.

I had a friend who did daycare in her home for a few years and her clientele varied a lot, but over time she would be out for walks with ALL of them (she had one of those 6-kid monster strollers!) to the park where the mobile kids would play, the babies would often nap, and the less-mobile ones, well, that varied from child to child, but they all got out in the air twice a day, weather permitting. She did some sort of cooking/food project with the older kids daily during the babies' naptimes - they'd "help" her in the kitchen by tearing lettuce or shaking dressing or using cookie cutters, that kind of thing - and she always had art & crafts materials around for open-ended things or for planned projects now and again. What does your daycare provider have going on that your DD would find stimulating? Might be a good conversation to have once the new baby's schedule is settled in.

[athenasmom]

She has a very nice shaded and fenced in play area in the back with sand play table, swing set, play house and slide. DD loves going out there. She also has all kinds of art projects. I am not worried about activities rather the lack of social interaction with same age kids. 

[deb]

Ah. Does the provider have any similar-age prospects coming up that she knows about? Or is this is for the long haul?