Author Topic: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school  (Read 2311 times)

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Offline athenasmom

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Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« on: August 18, 2016, 16:43:34 pm »
I have been going back and forth about this issue for a couple months now and I really don't know what to do  :-\
So DD turned 2 at the end of June. She has been in an in-home daycare since she was 3 months old. She loves her Nana Gigi (the daycare lady) and is always happy to go to her. Otherwise she has major SA all the time. We have never been able to leave her with anyone except with my niece and my dad a few times. But she has never had any issues walking into her daycare each morning. Maybe a handful of times she has cried after a longer break form daycare but that passed in a day or two. We plan to put her into the pre-school my DS went to. It is an awesome place. But I don't know if it is the right time just yet. DH thinks she is ready ... and he is right that she would get a lot out of it. I mean they have a big yard with an awesome playground and water days when they get to play on the splash pad in the summer. They have a huge indoor soft play playground too as it gets really hot here in the summers. And of course there would be a lot of kids at her age which she seems to really enjoy when we go out. BUT her SA really scares me. She is well adjusted with her daycare lady and she is great really. She loves her and hugs and kisses her all the time. But there are only two other kids there now ... a little baby and a 3 year old boy. DD adores both of them and plays nicely with them. She actually talks about baby Ava all the time and how she likes to take care of her. Kinda really sweet  :-*
Sooooo ... how do I know when she is ready? With DS it was easy. He went to the same in-home daycare and when he was about 2.5 years old it just was obvious that he needed more stimulation and social interaction with kids his age and more physical activity too. He was instantly happy and adjusted well to the change. But he is also a more settled kid and never battled SA like DD does.
With DD I feel like she might or might not adjust well. I really don't know.  :-\ Will I feel that it is the right thing with her too when the time is right? Or is my worrying and projection of my emotions holding her back from something awesome?  :'(
*Suzanna*





Offline ginger428

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2016, 18:58:37 pm »
Happy belated birthday A!!! Need to find that birthday list from bc!
I hope it was a really nice time with the family. :)

It seems like she is doing well with current daycare/Gigi. It *seems* like she would be ready for a more robust day care setting later than sooner.  So I guess I'd say you'll know when the time is right. I'm sure she could adjust and acclimate wellalso, but which one might best match her current temperament and needs?

Offline Mama2boys

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2016, 19:20:14 pm »
What are the benefits of moving her? Seems like she is not ready..
9 and 6, oh boy!

Offline Shiv52

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2016, 19:29:56 pm »
I'd say what she has in place is wonderful and suits her. I wouldnt move Her when she's showing no signs of needing a change.

Some children are so different. My friends DS2 is nearly 3 and loves loves loves daycare. Her older one hates it. Always has to the extent that this year she's sending him to a childminder and leaving the other one in daycare.  Just individual preferences!!





Offline -Maya-

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2016, 06:53:08 am »
Hello Suzanna, I totally agree with pp. I wouldn't move her because she is so well settled. She is so little, there is plenty of time to give her more inputs!
When do tou have to take your decision?

Offline Martini~

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2016, 07:29:31 am »
Here they say kids are ready to move at 2.5-3yo and that's when preschool starts. Before that we have nurseries where the care is different and more individual. Many parents here decide for nanny (1:1) up to the age of 2.5-3 and move children to a bigger place only then. I would also say that a little baby and 3yo seems to be a nice stimuli for her - you know, one to care and one to play. It really doesn't seem that there is not enough for her where she is now.

Re new place - it seems great, but all those things can be done at home or with a nanny or during weekends. I guess that preschool also means less attention for her as there are less carers per child and less flexibility - with sleep, food and etc. I wouldn't change if the only motivation for you is good playground and a need for more stimulation. If you have other reasons - maybe still worth considering.
~Marta

Offline Katet

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2016, 07:51:55 am »
I'm of the if it ain't broke don't fix it.

I personally believe think if she is really happy where she is keep her there, connection & happiness is much better (long term too)  than being around other children just because they are the same age, she has a lifetime for that. 

IMHO it's not going to change things long term if she stays there even until she's 5yo if she's happy & content. Certainly at the 13yo age I can't tell you who went to preschool at 2 & who went at 4 & knowing DS1's peers, some of the least social were the ones who went the earliest & the most out going stayed home with his Grandmother until he started school - he never went to Preschool at all.
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Offline athenasmom

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2016, 13:26:23 pm »
Thank you ladies for your input.
I was just worried that I am holding her back from something that could be really great for her kwim? I tend to baby her because she is definitely my last one. For example, I still let her drink from a bottle on my lap because I so enjoy the cuddles. With DS that would have been out of the question. So sometimes I wonder if my actions are the cause of her SA. I don't want her to not have confidence because I hold onto her kwim? I am not sure that I strike the balance between nurture and support and letting go  :-\ I just hope that I will be able to clearly see when it is time to let go.
 
*Suzanna*





Offline Lindsay27

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2016, 14:03:36 pm »
I fear I am going to be in the exact same boat with my DD.  With my DS it was also extremely obvious he needed that change, but my DD is also very attached to me and has very bad SA, so while she's little I'd like her to go to a home daycare as well because I believe that would be the best setting for her, but like you at some point I would like her to go to a preschool, mainly for school readiness, so it doesn't all seem so shocking and overwhelming for her when the time comes.

Given she's just turned 2, is there any harm in waiting another 6 months or a year?  It might be more obvious when the time is right yk?  I am also in the 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' club, but I completely see your point.



Offline athenasmom

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2016, 15:03:08 pm »
There is no rush at all. We don't have to move her or decide right now. It is just my internal struggle  ;D
*Suzanna*





Offline Katet

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2016, 04:06:27 am »
It is just my internal struggle 

While I get that, the reality is she's her own person & has different needs to her brother & she's happy. Research will say she's not missing out on anything - If you read this article it basically points to 3 to 4yo's benefitting from Preschool http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/my-child-ready-preschool 
For me I'd have to say up until 3+ I'd always pick connection over socialisation if the child was happy. If like your DS he was bored then other options, but if she is happy & thriving then stick with that & allow her to be her own person. I often tell my boys fair, even & equal don't mean the same thing & as parents DH & try to focus on what is best for each child rather than trying to keep it 'equal' or 'even' in what opportunities the boys have.
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Offline athenasmom

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2016, 16:07:45 pm »
Reviving this thread now in the light of some changes with DD's daycare ...

The 3 year old boy was moved to a pre-school so there is now only DD 26 months old, a baby girl 7 months old and a new baby boy 3 months old. DD still loves going and happily marches in there but I start to really feel that she does not get the stimulation that she needs.  :-\

Ahhhhh .... what to do??!! 
*Suzanna*





Offline deb

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2016, 16:17:40 pm »
Sounds like something to discuss with the daycare provider. :)

I had a friend who did daycare in her home for a few years and her clientele varied a lot, but over time she would be out for walks with ALL of them (she had one of those 6-kid monster strollers!) to the park where the mobile kids would play, the babies would often nap, and the less-mobile ones, well, that varied from child to child, but they all got out in the air twice a day, weather permitting. She did some sort of cooking/food project with the older kids daily during the babies' naptimes - they'd "help" her in the kitchen by tearing lettuce or shaking dressing or using cookie cutters, that kind of thing - and she always had art & crafts materials around for open-ended things or for planned projects now and again. What does your daycare provider have going on that your DD would find stimulating? Might be a good conversation to have once the new baby's schedule is settled in. :)

Offline athenasmom

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #13 on: September 08, 2016, 16:21:21 pm »
She has a very nice shaded and fenced in play area in the back with sand play table, swing set, play house and slide. DD loves going out there. She also has all kinds of art projects. I am not worried about activities rather the lack of social interaction with same age kids.  :-\
*Suzanna*





Offline deb

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #14 on: September 08, 2016, 16:33:46 pm »
Ah. Does the provider have any similar-age prospects coming up that she knows about? Or is this is for the long haul?

Offline ginger428

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #15 on: September 08, 2016, 17:51:58 pm »
It still might be best at the daycare if A expresses enjoyment and seems content.

I have the same concerns as you regarding social interaction with peers, and even more concerned at times about social interaction with other kids/babies at all since he's an only child so far and i'm home. But, that's our circumstance and besides play dates, an occasional group or class, and Sunday school, it's just him and me...and I'm ok with it or have to be. Haha.

Maybe there is someone you know who home schooled or was/is a SAHM with multiples and can get their perspective on social development? Would be even better if they knew Athena.

I really don't think there is a wrong choice though. I think A will be resilient and adapt to whichever situation. I don't think her longterm social skills will hinge on either scenario. As the nurturing, attentive and strong mom I have known you to be is what will forge her social abilities. :)

Maybe you can do a family hoorah of sorts and let DH, DS, and even A weigh in a little and make it a family decision?

Offline Katet

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #16 on: September 08, 2016, 21:10:47 pm »
The 3 year old boy was moved to a pre-school so there is now only DD 26 months old, a baby girl 7 months old and a new baby boy 3 months old. DD still loves going and happily marches in there but I start to really feel that she does not get the stimulation that she needs. 

She's 26mo, the stimulation is there, if she is happy, it doesn't have to be from older children etc, there is a huge issue within schools with the idea (from parents) that the only way children are extended is by more or next step work etc... the reality is that the best extension is actually in "mastery" & "teaching" which is where they skills they have are used to show others how to do it etc... ie a child who is really good at times tables working out a way to help a child who is struggling, will actually develop better skills long term than a child who's moved on to more advanced Mathematical concepts.

When we pulled Ds1 from daycare at 28mo (because I wasn't going back to my job) I did heaps & heaps of research on the social side... 4yo is the age that peers start to matter. DS1 went back & started preschool at 4.5yo (to the day) before that we'd done Library, swimming, & a sports group, but he really had no interest in other children... by 2 months in he loved playing with the children & he absolutely wasn't behind on his social skills etc - in fact long term he's done better than children who were in daycare from much younger ages (could be many reasons, but the fact he was in a big centre when he was "wanting it" (ie we increased the days because he wanted to go so much) made a huge difference/

 At 32months old we tried DS2 in a daycare (I did contract work from home at night etc so I was at home with them) because DS1 was in preschool & DS2 had lost his play mate... it was HORRID, DS2 started biting his brother, he we his bed etc... it was too much he was happy with just the Library & swimming lesson then  at 3y8mo when he started preschool he was better, but it really took until he was about just over 4yo before he started to make friends & be social before that he just sort of hung... this is the child who at 11yo has a busier social life in a month than an A list celebrity! 

The Scandinavian model of daycare (family groups of 4-6 children of multi age with one carer in a centre) has shown that children actually do better in that environment than a whole group of 3yo who are all at the egocentric age.

I personally think you need to listen to your DD's happiness at where she is at & block out the big business daycare noise that says  she's missing out & go with the fact she's happy with where she is & keep her there. At 2yo connections to an adult are about 100 times more important than playing with another 2yo (or rather playing sitting next to).

dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline Shiv52

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #17 on: September 08, 2016, 21:29:40 pm »
I took redundancy when I had my DD1 so my kids were just at home with me until they started school at 4yo. Before then they were just with me. I totally agree with Kate that daycare and peers is just not necessary.   

I think these decisions are totally child dependent. My kids both skipped into school. My friends little boy had to start daycare as she returned to work and he hated hated hated it but no choice. He has been crying every day since starting school last week.   Her other son who is younger Loves daycare. Truly loves it. Just different children need different things yk? 

I don't think one is better than the other. I genuinely believe children need different things.

Hugs xx





Offline ginger428

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #18 on: September 09, 2016, 01:27:10 am »
Kate, thanks for sharing. Good info. to know.
I agree with Shiv, totally child dependent.... A may love daycare. If the peer interaction isn't an issue anymore though, will you keep her where she is or what else are you thinking?

Are other factors all the same? ...finances, schedule, etc...

Offline Katet

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Re: Please help me decide whether to move DD to a pre-school
« Reply #19 on: September 09, 2016, 08:32:33 am »
Today I went to a Charity Lunch for the organisation that provide "baby help" ie sleep & feeding help for Mothers in our State. At the event a Neonatal Paediatrician spoke. He's written some books & he said a few things I wish I knew about when I had babies. So I went to look at his Website. This was on his Blog  - https://www.babydoc.com.au/7127-2/
" Humans are amongst the most social species on the planet. We have been honed by countless generations of ancestors who selected themselves to reproduce by their ability to socialise. It doesnít need to be trained into us. Itís inherent.
In our first couple of years we need to learn security and confidence with our parents (especially mother) and loved ones. We learn love from the people around us who love and interact with us. Strangers donít count.
This Ďemotional intelligenceí is the bedrock of our personality and underpins our ability to learn. Itís how we learn how to learn.
Cognitive functions like learning colours, numbers and how to label objects are of secondary importance.
Children do not play with each other or benefit from their company until three years old. Until then, they steal each otherís toys and walk on each other. Other kids are just objects.
So childcare is not a necessity and itís certainly not advantageous, unless the home is bereft of stimulation and devoid of love.

If childcare is needed to allow the mother to work, itís fine (but choose the best you can, with the best child/carer ratio). But letís not pretend that itís recommended to make a better child."


While I think that it is a little lacking in sympathy for the actual need of people to have child care because of Society's needs for income earning, I think the point is the industry of childcare is also driving society to feel children "miss out" if they aren't going & that's not the case.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05