Advice for weaning from cosleeping?

[mtemte]

Hello,
Our 9mo is BF and mainly for that reason we have been cosleeping. I'm back to work three months now, she refuses a bottle so, although I'm only working part time, she only gets her lunch (mixed with approx 150mls expressed milk) she has no other milk intake between 9am - 3.30pm. For this reason I have been putting off weaning off cosleeping but she is now getting to the stage where she needs to be latched onto me all night and I'm just not getting much sleep!
Any tips on how we can wean her off cosleeping (am happy to feed her at night but at the moment it's a couple of gulps here and there so no real feeds) and a lot of it is comfort sucking too.
Help pls! TIA!

[jessmum46]

I'm not sure if you have access to the BW books but there are some good examples in there of way to do it   I'll try to paraphrase one from the Toddlers book (I know your LO is 9 months but I think you could apply the principles) - first step Tracy suggested was twice a day to put LO in the crib when she is happy for some play time, literally just a couple of minutes and distract and engage her if she is upset, jump up and down, play peekaboo, get some toys out, give the message this is a fun place!  And take her out while she is still happy, building up over a couple of weeks to 15 mins or so twice a day.  Then gradually move away from the cot a bit, tell her what you are doing but occupy yourself in the room doing laundry or something - basically building her confidence in being there alone.  You may find after a bit you can pop out of the room for a minute, make sure she knows you are coming back, then do so. 

Once she's happy with that Tracy suggested tackling the nursing to sleep for naps (not sure if this is an issue for you?  If not then just skip forwards!)  by taking her off the breast as soon as she starts drifting off to sleep, putting her back on if she cries, then again taking her off as she starts to drift off.  In the example in the book I think she suggests trying this for 15mins, taking a break for 20 mins or so then going and trying again, until she is able to fall asleep for naps with you there but without nursing. 

The last stage was tackling nights - do you have a partner who could help out?  Basically Tracy's advice was to go to LO when she cries at night, comfort her, stay with her, pick her up and cuddle her but do not nurse.  As soon as she calms, put her down again.  And repeat.  Essentially PUPD   For breastfeeding Mums it is often easier for a partner to do this but you can do it yourself if you need to.

I guess at 9 months it is slightly different to a toddler in that some 9 month old breastfed babies will still have a night feed, though many don't.  What I would suggest is that you set yourself a clear plan of when you are willing to feed - say not before 5am.  And you use the plan above for all wakings until that point - including say she wakes at 4.30am you keep reassuring/PUPD until she goes back to sleep even if that goes past 5am. 

What do you think?

[mtemte]

Thanks for your reply. I would be happy to try that but I have a couple of comments just to see what you think...
- For the past two weeks I have not been letting her fall asleep at the boob for naps or bedtime. So I feed until sleepy,, take her in my arms and she falls asleep there, then I out her in the cot. For the first four nights this worked brilliantly and she only woke 4-5 hours later for a feed but on the fifth night it got horribly worse to the point where she wakes every 20-30 mins after I out her down now and is much more difficult to get back to sleep.... Nothing changed wrt her routine....And she is still the same now
- Naps at the childminder she falls asleep by herself!!! This has only ever happened a handful of times at home...
- She is already down to one nap a day but this can be a 2.5-3 hour nap waking at 3.30 at the latest. We generally put her down for the night about 8pm. So during the week we haven't naps to work on, just the weekend ones.
- until now, her cot is in our room, by our bed like a cosleeper. So she is very familiar with her cot, our room etc.
- I tried the gentle withdrawal approach with her before amd it took up to 100+ times of removing the breast from her mouth several nights in a row and she ALWAYS rooted back for it....
- Up until two weeks ago, I have always been the on to put her to bed/sleep and resettle. My DH started two weeks ago and the irst week managed to get her back to sleep pretty quickly but after four/five days, he has been less and less successful...
- As for middle of night wakings, we have a 3yo so having several screaming sessions while I do PUPD is not an ideal situation unfortunately.

I am very familiar with PUPD and gradual distancing and Tracy on a whole. I used both for my 3yo when she was 10 mo and after  week or so of persistence it really paid off. She has since been an amazing sleeper - I'm very proud of her and was so so happy with the result and the support I goto her during that week.
BUT she was bottle-fed, hated being in our bed.... Totally différent baby. My now 9mo had severe silent reflux for which she is still on medication but which is under control, she had surgery at 3 months for a unilateral cleft lip, has since refused bottles since her surgery (she was combo fed from 6 weeks to 3 months as we were giving her thickened formula) and she has collect with me since her surgery.
I'm not sure if any of this is relevant but.... Wwr put her down to sleep 1hr and 15mins ago and haven't to resettle three times already!
Any help or comments gratefully appreciated!

[jessmum46]

She is already down to one nap a day but this can be a 2.5-3 hour nap waking at 3.30 at the latest.

She is super-young for this, it's not unheard-of but I'd put some money on some of her night wakings being from over tiredness.  Can you post her whole daytime routine with WU, nap and bedtime?  Does she always get a good 2.5-3h nap?  How long is it since she had 2 naps?

Naps at the childminder she falls asleep by herself!!!

What routine does the childminder do?  Does she sleep in a cot in the dark, stroller or where?  What's different about how the childminder does it and can you replicate it?

s for middle of night wakings, we have a 3yo so having several screaming sessions while I do PUPD is not an ideal situation unfortunately.

I get this, but I think that you have to expect some crying.  Can you use white noise for the older one?