Teaching a 5weeks old how to sleep - with a 3year old running around

[Ceba]

Hey, I need your advice.
So, my first son, now 3 years old, had problems sleeping from the start. I couldn't get him down for his nap, it took him over an hour to fall asleep at night. The only positive thing was that he only woke up once during the night. Because he had problems settling during the day I started him on easy when he was 2 months old but I used a paci to help him fall asleep. So he started waking up during the night for the pacifier and his naps only lasted for 30-45 minutes. Ok, we got through that, he has been sleeping independently from about 9 months, normal naps.
That brings me to my second son, now 5 weeks old. Because we didn't want to make the same mistakes twice we tried to start him on EASY from the day we came home from the hospital. But with him being so small, my first son being at home and so on it was too hard for me. He took a long time falling asleep (more than 45 minutes, we did the shush and pat but it irritated him even more) and I didn’t know what to do with my first son during that time. So I just let him fall asleep during nursing and then put him in his crib.  I wanted to take this time to get to know him but I think it is time to establish a routine and to teach him to sleep before he becomes too dependent on the boob.

His “typical day”:
7.00am wake up
7.00-7.30 feeding
8.15 first nap (usually only 30 minutes due to bowel movement problems and/or farting
From here on is a cluster of feedings , short naps and pooping until he finally settles down and takes a 2-3 hour nap from which we have to struggle to wake him up from. The long nap is usually the last nap in the afternoon.
5.30pm-7pm activity, feeding
7pm bath
7.30 last feed
8.00 pm sleep (my husband is at home at this time, so he puts him to sleep and he falls asleep in his crib)
1-2 am first night feed
3-4am 2nd night feed

So basically our biggest problem in establishing a good EASY is the problem with falling asleep in his crib. I just don’t know how to sit with him for an hour in his room if I have a toddler running around the house and looking for attention. What am I doing wrong that the shush and pat only irritates his? I know that with my first son it only took us a week or two to teach him to fall asleep in his room but he was older when we started. What do you think? Do I expect too much if I want a structured routine at such an early age?
I hope my post makes sense and you understand what I’m asking.

Thanks for all the help!

[Lindsay27]

Welcome to your newest addition!  I can completely sympathize, I struggled to get my first one of any kind of routine so I was determined the second time around not to make the same mistakes, however what I found easiest with 2 in the first few weeks was to just go with the flow a little more and let DD nap in the swing until A times were a little more established and predictable.  I think we started to try to get into a more structured routine  at around 8 weeks. 

If shh/pat just irritates him can you try just placing a firm hand on him, or back just kind of jiggling, or gently rocking him side to side with your hand in the crib?

At this point I would just try to work on the EAS pattern without too much attention to timings, though it's pretty normal for an LO to fall asleep nursing at this age.  If you want you can nurse and then do a quiet diaper change in the darkened room to give an "activity" between the nursing and sleeping, but hopefully still keep him drowsy enough to sleep afterwards.

[Katet]

Do I expect too much if I want a structured routine at such an early age?

I read your whole post thinking exactly this. I can understand in the thick of juggling 2 children there is the idea that if I get the routine "right" it will be easier. Honestly I do think that's not the case.

The first 3months of life can be called the "4th Trimester" & really it's not a time a baby can "learn" much & it's about connection & growth, so I'd be more trying to work out how to get the babies life fitting around the needs of the 3yo rather than the other way around. I found with my DS1 (2yo) if he was busy & the baby was asleep in a stroller or sling then I normally had one clear time in the day to work on a good nap (normally got both boys napping so I could too LOL) & I worked on bedtime. My theory (which actually worked pretty well long term) was that if I got one good nap & bedtime sorted then that would last me years rather than weeks, as they drop from multiple naps to 1 nap in the first 12-18months, so 1x 2-3hour nap was great & others being catnaps so be it.

I think also be mindful that an Angel baby, will work it out themselves, a textbook will take a week or so of help, & your Spirited, Grumpy & Touchy babies will be a mixed bag, some will work it out quickly & some (my DS1) may be like a roller coaster & have good spells, but sleep get messed up with every single development step, so it was never a dream run - the joys of a "spirited/grumpy" baby LOL

[Ceba]

Thank you so much for your replies. I am now working on letting things go their own way and taking each day at a time. It is much easier than before when I was worrying all the time.
I am thinking that if I managed that one turned out ok I will be able to do the same with the other one.

[Lindsay27]

Fantastic!! We did much of what Kate said also, I tried for 1 good nap in the crib and let the rest of the day be as it may.  Things just kind of naturally fell into a routine at 4ish months when we moved to 4hr EASY and naps were a little more predictable