3.5yr old not wanting to be left at night

[amanda55]

Hello, after a little advice, DD is nearly 3.5, she is usually good at bedtime, especially once moved bedtime earlier a few months after dropping nap.  She is currently after bath, potty, pj's, books and song not wanting me/DH to leave room, keeps asking for another cuddle then when come back and say last one starts chatting again then again when get to door asks for another, if just leave cries and shouts for mummy/daddy over and over! (DS is in bed trying to go to sleep at this point!). Says doesn't want to be on own in room, can she come in our bed (she NEVER has and I don't want to start!) why are mummy & daddy in a room and she is on her own! I point out that DS (16 months) is in his own room also.  This goes on for 20mins or so before I get annoyed and shout! I don't want to shout but my patience just wears out.  Husband thinks later bedtime but once do leave the room she falls to sleep very quickly! Don't want to try earlier as with the faffing, both in bath at 6ish and try to leave her room at 7, DS is put down little earlier/same time. Any advice on how what to do / say for the best

[Haribo2012]

Hi there, it sounds pretty normal behaviour for that age. They have a developmental leap on birthdays and half birthdays donit sounds like she's understanding more about being on her own,  we had lots of issues at this with being scared on his own, needing light on, wanting someone to sleep wit him etc.

We used to say we would leave food open a bit and sit on stairs providing he was quiet and stayed in bed and if he needed us to call and we would come.

What times WU?

[amanda55]

She wakes up anywhere from 6:30-7:15 usually when ds cries when he wakes up! Sometime every couple of weeks sleeps till 8ish!

[Jodes112]

Hello, wanted to agree its pretty normal behaviour at that age. Both DS (now 6) and DD (3 yrs 7m) have been through it.
What we did for both was introduced the gro clock and a night light, and also asked them
If they would prefer their door open. They get spooked quite easily at this age as thei imagination runs wild.

For DD when she started this myself and her spent the whole afternoon re-arranging her bedroom moving furnature and putting in the nightlight/groclock. When doing it i would be saying things like 'lets make it into a big girl room, if we put it this way you can have your teddys here ect. Got her excited about it. At the same time saying that now that we have moved her room it means she must go to bed with one cuddle and kiss & no calling us back.  And she agreed, and it worked!

Does she say she's scared at all or is it just calli g back for cuddle? Tell her you cant keep coming back and give her an alternative, rather than you keep calling us back, should we get you a little night light/leave your door open for you instead? But if we are putting the light on/leaving the door open it means the calling us back needs to stop.

I suppose its like giving them a choice and letting them think they have controll lol

[Haribo2012]

She could be a little UT my DS1 had an increase in day length for a while not a lot just 15 mins or so. We just did extra stories and cuddles.

[amanda55]

we already have a gro clock which works as a nightlight and she stays in her room till the light comes on so she is really good with that.  Once finally leave she falls asleep very quickly so don't think shes UT she just doesn't want us to leave the room and constantly wants another cuddle.  I don't really want to start leaving the door open as our stairs are open to the kitchen/lounge downstairs so sounds carry easily upstairs and the only barrier is her door, plus 1.5yr old gets up early and usually wakes crying to he can wake her! I just wind up getting annoyed and shouting at her then she asks me to 'talk nicely' which I try but after approx. 15mins of trying to leave the room I can't help it.  I know if I stayed she would just chatter on and not go to sleep as I've never stayed, she has always self settled with her comforter. 

[Haribo2012]

Could you just leave the door till she is asleep,? We've done a lot of negotiating at BT and one of the things was promising to go back and check on him every few mins.  Once did it a few times he felt secure that I'd come when he needed me.

[Jodes112]

We always shut the door and turn the landing light off when they are asleep 😊

[amanda55]

I started doing that back in February, but she then would wake screaming in night for door to be open again so would wake DS, however, if DS up early or in night, he'd wake her with door open, rooms very close!
The last few days I have had to wake her to be somewhere or let her sleep and she has still been asleep at 8am! we have had a busy few days and she stayed over at Grandmas Friday night (she asked for lots of cuddles there also!).  I think will try an alarm to say that when alarm goes off no more cuddles as she just keeps asking till I get annoyed. Or design a ticket for one more cuddle to take off her when she uses it then no more? what do you think, I realize this sounds mean, but night after night of 20mins (on top of hour bedtime routine of bath, hair, pj's, story etc.) constant requests for another cuddle I do end up getting annoyed which I want to stop so think will try one of these things to see if helps!

[Haribo2012]

You could start counting out the cuddles on your fingers so it's visual, we do that he asks for 10 I say no 5 then we knock them off etc x

[amanda55]

That sounds like a good idea, will try that first!

[Haribo2012]

And I always say remember after the last one it's time for sleep no messing.

[Jodes112]

Sounds like a plan amanda, good luck!