14 month old suffering separation anxiety at bed time

[princesscarla1]

hello everyone.

Little lady has been having some real problem getting to bed since turning 1 years old, she is now 14 months and its getting worse with separation anxiety. She used to have a great routine and used to settle herself but I feel I have been nursing her insecurities and its made things worse so need to break bad habits.

At the moment she won't go to sleep on her own unless I'm in the cot with her. If I am not in the cot she cries and begs to be picked up and I have been responding to this. We've always done shhh/pat but this at the moment does not settle her. She is able to get herself back down from standing.

Not sure how best to tackle this now. Was going to do wi/wo but i feel this might be a step too far at the moment with her being so needy.

I was thinking for the time being just sitting next to her cot and when she begs to be picked up to just give her a cuddle and put her back down or should i just ignore her requests for being picked up? and let get used to just having my presence in the room. From there I was going to attempt wi/wo.

Advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Scottishmummy]

Hi & welcome to BW. Sorry you haven't had any replies yet.

Could you post your DD's daytime routine I.e. Time if her nap(s). I'm just wondering whether the 2-1 nap transition might be going on & whether she could be UT or OT at BT.

The alternative to WI/WO would be gradual withdrawal which is slower but can work if you feel your LO is too sensitive for WI/WI right now. I think LOs get too old for sh-pat after a while, it's more a baby an a toddler approach. Once my kids were over a year or so, I used a simple phrase (sleepy time) instead of the sh and just a hug or single pat and go.

Personally I found WI/WO more effective once my LOs had learned to self-settle. . You could still go in and give a cuddle (ideally in the cot)  or whatever it takes to resettle her, but just go out again afterwards. And repeat until sleep!

[princesscarla1]

thank you for getting back to me scottish mummy.

she normally naps at 10:45am for 2 hours and is always ready for bed at 7:30pm if i put her down sooner she's wide awake after 30 minutes and again not tired, i will keep her in her room but she won't go back until about 10/11pm.

If i give her two naps between 30-45 mins each there is no sleep in her at bedtime and she doesn't show any tiredness till about 10pm.

Feel like one nap is not enough and two is too much at the moment.

We've always followed the baby whisperer with great results, she self soothes pretty easy, she has lots going on at the moment, teething, learning to walk and definitely think the 2nd nap is being dropped.

The past two nights i have put her in the cot and told her sleepy time, she's screamed and wanted picking up each night but eventually settled, however the mother in law put her down tonight and she was good as gold, not sure if I'm being played too.

[Scottishmummy]

Feel like one nap is not enough and two is too much at the moment.

Oh yes, it's a very tricky stage, just been through it with my DD and it did cause some horrible OT/UT nights & EWs

It does sound like she's got a lot going on, but maybe, if she can self settle with someone else, WI/WO might be helpful for you to try? It reassures that you are there when she needs you but gives opportunity to self settle too and is often recommended approach for SA and for getting back on track after a disruption to self settling.

Worth a try?
Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)