19 month old - getting her to sleep

[LittleM]

hi
about 2 months ago, my little independent sleeper started getting really unsettled at bedtime.  Really upset, crying and screaming.  So I started placing my hand on her to sleep (APOP!!) and now I am trapped!  She will not let me take my hand off her until she is asleep.
It sometimes takes an hour and it is back breaking, not to mention time wasting!!

routine:

Wakes: between 5:15 and 6 am
Nap: 12 - 2 roughly
Bedtime: we start settling her around 6:30, and it's often well after 7:30 that she's asleep.

As long as my hand is on her, she's happy to lie still and quiet.  And then will fall asleep.  But if I take my hand off her, she sits up and starts crying.  Once she's asleep, she sleeps through.

Any advice on how to break this habit?
thanks
xx

[jessmum46]

If she's been an independent sleeper previously you have the option of either gradual withdrawal or WIWO - Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)  Which do you think would suit her best?  WIWO may involve more crying but I expect would yield quicker results, gradual withdrawal you still may have to deal with some crying but you can take things a bit more slowly.  Have a read of the link and let us know your thoughts x

[LittleM]

hi there

thanks for this - this is exactly what I needed to read!
I am going to try WI/WO, and see how we get on.  I have been reluctant as she had bad reflux when she was younger and would often vomit.  I haven't wanted to get her too upset.
From what I have tried before:  trying to lift my hand too soon and just standing beside the cot, she will cry regardless.
I am pretty sure she will start crying before I have even got to the door.  Do i go through the whole process, and go outside the door anyway?  And do I whisper 'sh sh' from the door or go back in right away?  She's going to get pretty angry!!
Thanks
Mhairi

[jessmum46]

You may need to play it by ear, but yes in general I would walk all the way out even if she starts crying, pause just a second to assess if she is settling, then if not go straight back in and repeat.  When I did this with DD (she was much younger but principle was the same) she would often start crying straight away.  I'd go out and count to 10 in my head - not advocating in any way using timers or anything here, just more as a reminder to myself to pause and see if she actually needed me to go back - and then go straight back in again.  It did take a long time some nights but we would usually get to a point where I'd go out, she'd start crying but before I'd even counted to 5 it would start to settle.  Good luck!