Author Topic: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!  (Read 653 times)

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Offline tathi-b

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1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« on: December 08, 2016, 21:24:44 pm »
Hello! I missed coming here and talking to people who are going through the same issues I am! It's been such a long time!

My little girl has always been a pretty good sleeper very good at going into her cot awake and singing herself to sleep. She has just turned one (why do I feel like I should be the one receiving gifts?!) and for about a week now her sleep has worsened progressively.

All of a sudden she won't let me leave the room until she's almost asleep and there have been several night wakings which are also atippical.

Generally when putting her to bed (nap) is very straight forward. Change nappy, put into sleep sack, have a cuddle, dummy, lovey, bed - I walk out of the room. Now we do a dance of me walking in and out of the room 15 times, lots of tears from her and eventually sitting with her and waiting until she is almost asleep to put her down. Not fair on mummy or baby I know, but I ran out of options and I was finding it hard to stand next to her cot that long!

At night she has been doing the same thing and waking up 3 or 4 times and not settling until I pick her up. At 3am I don't have the emotional fortintude to not pick her up and we both sleep sat up.

Now, like everyone else, I really enjoy a baby nap, but this arrangemt is not feasible long term and we are going to have to go back to what we used to do where she slept on her own!  One other thing worth mentioning, I think, is that she takes ages to fall asleep so I've been waking her up after naps.

I'm wondering if we are going through a regression, mental leap or if I have messed her sleep up somehow?

Her EASY looks like this -

6:30/7am - wake up

8:30 breakfast

10:15 nap

11 - wake up

12 - lunch

2:30 (I feel this is too late but she won't go down before!) - nap

3:30 - wake up

5:30 - dinner

7:15 - sleep


Thanks for helping!!xx


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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2016, 14:10:16 pm »
Hi :)

As it's only been a week and as she has just turned 1yo it could be a bout of separation anxiety and/or development which is disturbing her sleep. You could wait it out and see if it settles down and she goes back into the regular 2 nap routine.
On the other hand it could be nap drop time, some LOs do drop a nap at 12 months.  you might find she gets an overall better sleep if you let her have one really good nap rather than waking her from two naps - it can also help to avoid those fights at nap and BT as she will be more tired for them.  of course some LOs get OT during nap drop (mine was the worst I am sure!) which can cause it's own problems.

You could begin by reducing nap 1, the CN even further so that she is doing only 30 min...then 20 min. This should help with her going down more easily for nap 2 and you might also find that you can bring nap 2 a touch earlier.  If you let nap 2 extend to 1.5hrs  this begins to set up a good habit for a long nap when it drops to one nap erp day.  If needed you could move BT later for a little while to reduce the BT resistance (BT will move earlier again when the CN is dropped).

Over birthdays my DS's sleep usually goes off track for a bit. If we have lots of call backs at BT I tend to move it later for a while and then once the developmental phase is over he usually looks tired earlier again and we can return to our normal BT. I find this preferable to the repeated call backs and refusal as it seems to take ages and can be so draining.  FWIW though I really do believe that an independent sleeper will return very easily to independence just as soon as they can with either no effort from you or minimal encouragement to bring it back. These developmental phases always appear like bad habits are setting in but mine has never continued with them - in fact he even tells me to leave his room!

Here's a link on the 2-1 nap drop, perhaps you'll recognise some signs there
From 2 to 1 nap transition (10-12m and older)

hope this helps


Offline tathi-b

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2016, 21:29:09 pm »
That was really helpful, thanks! I think it may be a mixture of factors. A little bit of separation anxiety and starting to show signs that we will soon need to look into transitioning from 2 - 1 naps. I think we are likely looking at the longer route of a longer morning nap with early bed time. She loves that morning nap and hates being woken up! I try hard not to wake her up but lately I've been feeling the need to cap those naps so she isn't under tired for bed time. I don't want to see bed time getting much past 7pm.

Let's see what the next few weeks bring!

Xx

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2016, 07:57:37 am »
Let us know how you get on :)


Offline tathi-b

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2016, 21:35:50 pm »
Hi again!

I feel like we are just struggling with this transition or there is too much happening at the same time for her. She's eating me out of the house at the monitor, so clearly having a growth spurt and I can see that her gums are a little inflamed, we have a tooth on the way. I think she's definitely ready for one big nap but her schedule is all over the place and although her night sleep is better, she is still waking up around midnight and won't let me leave until I hold her - that could be that after a half hour of bending over to have my hand on her (oh yes, if my hand isn't on her bottom she screams the house down) I admit defeat and sit with her. My back starts to ache and I'm tired and I just don't have the will to hold that position longer. What I find odd is that she stays awake that long in a dark room! The rest of the time she is back to sleeping independently which in itself is a victory!!

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, I'm struggling to put her back into a routine that works for her sleepiness.

At the beginning of the week I was sure that she was staying awake longer stretches in the morning g and pushing her morning nap later and later. I was trying to get a good morning nap that started around 11am- 1pm and a catnap. She refused the catnap so I put her to bed a bit earlier. Make sense? It's not going that way though, if anything her naps are happening. Even earlier in the day and she is waking in the night.

Her EASY looks like this at the minute and to me it feels wrong!

Saturday -
A - 7am
S - 11:15

A - 1:30
S - 6:15

I know that the last one was a very big stretch but she refused to sleep. Fought it and cried and in the end I had to respect her wishes.

Sunday -
A - 6am (way too early for her! Her normal wake up time is around 7am)
S - 10

A - 12:30
S - 3:30

A - 4pm
S - 7pm

NW - around 11:30

Monday -
A - 6am again!
S - 9:30 (she was so tired!)

A -12:30
S- 7pm (another long stretched awake time)

NW - around 11:30/midnight

Any ideas how I can spread her sleep a little better throughout the day?x



Offline Palmira78

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2016, 08:47:12 am »
Hello! I just wanted to share some ideas in case that help since my DS2 became 1 yo, only a few weeks ago so I guess the schedulle and sleep needs should be similar...
Firstly, I would get a confortable chair or little arm chair next to the crib, since sometimes they just need to hold your hand or feel your hand in their back to relax. Also this is better for your back and better than picking your LO up in your arms. Try to avoid the habit of getting your LO to sleep in your arms since remember that it is accidental parenting (I know that it is difficutl since when it is 3 am you just want to go back to sleep ASAP).
Also I would aim to have just one nap around 12.30 or 13.00, and hopefuly this should last 2 hours o 1.5h. My LO is waking less during the night since we moved to just 1 nap.
Regarding BT at 7, and given the fact tht she wants you back in the room... I suggest that instead of impossing any particular time, check what it the most suitable time for your LO according to her cues. First try what happens with 1 nap a day, then in the evening put your LO to bed when she seems tired. If it is 7:30, or 8.00, or 8.30 be flexible, it is not that late. My LO, goes from 8.00pm to 7.30am. Once you see any improvement, then I agree that a consistent BT is very benefitial, but fix it according to your LO sleep requirements instead of what your thing that it should be.
I do not know if what I have mentioned will be helpfull for you but please do share how are you doing and if you see any improvement :-)

Offline tathi-b

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2016, 09:04:27 am »
Thanks for your ideas. I agree on the chair and avoiding accidental parenting, it's a slippery slope and like you said, at 3am you just want to get back to sleep. I'm wondering if the multiple wakings aren't some sort of pain being that in the whole she is a good sleeper and even when I hold her she still squirms and fights. Impossible to tell when they can't talk! 😔

I'm trying to cut her down to one nap only, I think she is ready but her day sleep has been erratic. Yesterday she wanted to go for a nap at 9:30 and slept a whopping 2 and a half hours which of course messed the rest of the day. By 7pm she was shattered. I'm trying cold turkey now. I took her to the park this morning and gave her lunch at 11:30 so she went down just now with no fuss. If she sleeps 2 hours then she'll be ok for bedtime at 7/7:30.

Transitions are so hard!!😩

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2016, 10:02:04 am »
Thanks for paying it forward nluno :) Great advice there :)

It does look like cutting straight to one nap now is the way to go.  Not sure what time you put her down for nap today as we are in different time zones, your post looks like 9.04am to me but I know it wasn't at 9am as you gave her lunch at 11.30 and then nap :)
PP suggested 12.30 for nap and this can work out really well, if she struggles to get there then I'd say 12 for now and watch out for when she needs it moved a bit later.  With a 12 (or slightly later) nap her WU time in the morning should hopefully return to 7am, her usual time.

I also agree with pp about BT - set nap and BT works much better for LOs this age and on 1 nap but try to fix the "set" time to what works well for LO.  if she has always done a 12 hr night then you can likely still look at 7 - 7 but she might need a longer night (6.30 - 7) on only one nap or shorter (7.30/8 - 7am).

Honestly the second year was the worst for me with the constant teething. I remember it well.  Medicating before nap and night sleep might help, I used to save a dose for giving at night too during the worst times.
I had a little foot stool in my DS's room by the cot which was nice and low to get me the right height without bending, and shoved my arm through the bars to keep a hand on him...I think my head was likely resting on the bars at 3am too wanting to sleep! Perhaps you have a small step stool or similar you could try out?  TBH although we all want to avoid bad habits if you know she's struggling and needs a hand I'd just do it, I found with mine that as soon as he could return to independent sleep he did, he didn't want me in the room any longer than he actually needed me. I think with a LO who is used to sleeping independently they do generally go back to self settling just as soon as they can. If you keep in mind your goal, to support and reduce, then you will be fine - reducing the weight of your hand when you can, leaving it there only the amount needed to sooth and not more etc. I'm sure you know the drill.
Like I say that second year was hard for me - sore back, loss of sleep etc. I clearly remember when his canines stopped hurting and we had a clear three days and nights of independent sleep no problems, bliss!! And then the second year molars started and I just could not believe it!
Many hugs from me.  Keep telling yourself you will get through this, it is not for ever, even if it starts to feel like it - but do sort out a better position for your poor back!


Offline tathi-b

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2016, 10:55:06 am »
We are in different time zones, I'm GMT +3 so it's 13:45 for us.  She went down for her nap almost 2 hours ago with no fuss, but she was super tired.  Transitions have always been tricky for her, she is generally a sleepy girl - she was born asleep that's how much she likes it! :p  On the other hand, the whole time she is awake she is on the move.  It's sweet in a way but super tiring for us both! I'm getting a little creative with snacks and lunch so she can have a restful sleep.

Multiple wakings in the night for us generally mean that there is something bothering her (teeth, gas, the usual stuff) and a couple of weeks ago she had a tooth cut through so I'm betting on the other side coming anytime now.  Last night I medicated her before bed but in my sleep haze didn't think to give her a second shot in the middle of the night.  Note to self for tonight.  Interesting thing is that during the day she is fine.  I wonder if she just doesn't notice it because she is so active and is constantly chewing on something.

We've been going like this with odd nap times and early wakings for a couple of weeks now and in hind sight I should have just gone straight for the one long nap.  What confuses me though is how long a nap in the middle of the day?  Working on the assumption that she normally sleeps 12 hour nights?  Yesterday I let her sleep as long as she wanted and we exceeded 2.5 hours which I feel is a bit long but I'm not 100% sure.  In an ideal world where mummies get things their way I'd rather she continue to go to sleep around 7 even if she wakes up a little bit earlier but I feel that when she does wake up at 6am it throws her whole day off and we then spend a few weeks tweaking her schedule. 

Add to that me being super tired I think I'm just not seeing straight with this one anymore!

Thanks for the ideas ladies, it's all really helpful and worth a try! xx

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2016, 11:14:23 am »
Interesting thing is that during the day she is fine.  I wonder if she just doesn't notice it because she is so active and is constantly chewing on something.
Often the case. More distraction in the day so the pain doesn't seem so bad but in the middle of the night pain and illness always seems worse, for adults too really.  Also laying down puts added pressure on the gums so they hurt more.  Elevating the cot can help if you have safe cot blocks or a safe sleep wedge.

Yesterday I let her sleep as long as she wanted and we exceeded 2.5 hours which I feel is a bit long but I'm not 100% sure.  In an ideal world where mummies get things their way I'd rather she continue to go to sleep around 7 even if she wakes up a little bit earlier but I feel that when she does wake up at 6am it throws her whole day off and we then spend a few weeks tweaking her schedule. 
This is where the set nap and set BT help a great deal. Regardless of WU changing day to day you do nap at the same time and let her work out the rest.  Of course if Wu was getting earlier and earlier you'd look to see if it is caused by OT or if the nap needed to move a bit later.  Equally long term changes can be made to BT too, but on the whole you find a suitable time and just stick with it until it is apparent it needs another tweak.
2hrs, 2.5hrs, even 3hrs nap is fine. If she can do 2.5hrs+ and still do a 12 hr night then you are the envy of all mums :)
Tracy talked about the long luxurious 3hr lunch time nap in her BW book but many of us never experienced such luxury with our LOs.

There are some LOs who need the very long nap and a slightly shorter night, they just remain better rested that way. Some can happily reduce the nap to maintain the night length.  If you set BT at 7pm and WU becomes earlier than you can cope with then moving the nap later or capping it might be an option... in my case with DS he didn't do well with a capped nap at all and I had to keep him napping a full 2hrs and accept a later BT.  I did not welcome the later BT tbh I liked my Y time in the evening but we adapted to it really quickly and it felt so normal that it was hard to change back when he dropped his nap and needed the earlier BT again.  I think when it comes to it we all prefer LO well rested and a peaceful night and if it means a later BT to avoid long NWs or silly EWs then we end up accepting it yk?

based on what you've said I'd probably try
WU 7 (but nap does not change even if she wakes earlier)
nap 12 - 2/2.30
BT 7


Offline tathi-b

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2016, 20:44:04 pm »
Update!

Yesterday she napped beautifully from 12 - 2:10 and went to sleep at 7:15 straight to 6:45 this morning - hurray!

Today on the other hand she only napped for an hour and 10 minutes, woke up on her own and went down at 6:30 really well.  Now here is where it gets interesting.  At 10:30 - bam! she woke up and it's taken us an hour to re-settle her.  See, I'm still not 100% on whether this is a bad habit (i.e. she needs to be soothed) I tried patting her bottom, shushing, at one point I was half inside the cot stroking her head and nothing made her stop screaming, even when I was holding her she was still screaming.  About 25 minutes in I gave her some Panadol and she slept in her daddy's arms.  Where do you find the balance of keeping the good sleep habits and soothing because they are distressed?

Sorry if I'm pestering now, I'm just at a loss! x

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Re: 1 year old used to sleep on her own now refuses!
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2016, 22:45:30 pm »
Yesterday she napped beautifully from 12 - 2:10 and went to sleep at 7:15 straight to 6:45 this morning - hurray!
Wow, great day and night :)

Where do you find the balance of keeping the good sleep habits and soothing because they are distressed?
I think mostly you just feel it. You know when she is distressed or in pain and know she needs you even if you holding her doesn't stop her screaming it has a huge effect on her and on your bond.  It's quite different from a LO who is not in pain but has become accustomed to you holding or patting and just complains because you are leaving the room and they don't like that.
It certainly sounds like she needs your help (and some pain meds) right now, I wouldn't worry about habits, sleep training is only ever for LOs who are fit and healthy...if she needs some encouragement to return to self settling once the worst of the teething is over it is unlikely to take much to get her back on track.

I don't know if you ever used to do a dream feed but it's possible to do a dream meds if you have one of the measuring syringes. You have to make sure that the meds are delivered towards the cheek of course as per the instructions on the pack.  Some people find it helpful to control the worst of the pain before LO wakes.  I used to give meds to mine at around teh same time I had previously done the "dream feed" but mine actually would never take anything asleep so I woke him or gave him a nudge and told him quite loudly I was giving him meds and to open his mouth and take it - he would do that just half awake.