19 month old suddenly terrified of sleeping in her room

[ENMS]

Hi,

My DD2 is 19 months old. She's been an IS without any issue since she was around 4 months old.

We are having issues with IS right now, she seems to be completely terrified of sleeping alone in her room. It started when she was sick and then we went on vacation and were all 5 in the same hotel room so she slept with us to not wake the other 2 kids who were sleeping. Now we're back home and she continues to be terrified to sleep alone in her room. I want to do WI/WO but wondering if it will work because she seems so scared, her scream is like nothing I've ever heard before, completely and totally panicked.

over the holidays she had a gastro bug (stomach flu). On the first night that she was sick, she woke up with a piercing scream during the night and was inconsolable, we could not put her down. so I stayed with her in the rocking chair in her room and she slept on me. that continued for 2-3 nights. at first, she would go to sleep ok at BT but then would wake in the night totally panicked and we just could not leave her room. then we had a family vacation planned for 1 week and we were all in the same hotel room. when we tried to put her down in her crib she would just panic so we made her sleep with us since it was a little difficult with the other kids in the same room all needing their sleep. while away, she would nap on me, or in the stroller.

so now we're back home and of course last night she had the same panicked cries when we tried to put her down. since it was really late and she was OT, I decided to have her in bed with us for the night but I don't want to keep this habit of course I want her to go back to independent sleep. but she is so, so panicked, I don't think I've ever heard this kind of cry on one of my children before. wondering what I can do to help her because I doubt WI/WO will work if I don't resolve the why she is completely panicked. she does not speak much yet so I don't know exactly what it is that freaks her out. I was thinking of putting on a night light maybe?

any thoughts?

[creations]

Sorry you didn't get any replies yet - giving you a bump.

[Haribo2012]

Hi sorry not been around smaller child sleep issues

I think you probably need to try gradual withdrawal Di she starts to feel safe and happy again in her bed knowing your there but removing your presence gradually.
Have a look at this link it has some good tips
Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

How are naps at home?

[ENMS]

So, we've been back for a few days and I'm not sure exactly what is going on. Naps are good. She will cry for maybe a minute and then settle to sleep and her naps are long. Just to add she is an angel baby and always goes done super easily.

Problem remains at night. The most we've had her sleep in her crib is 4 hours. Last night she slept 4h in her crib then cried, DH was able to resettle her and she slept an hour more but then wouldn't go back to sleep so we took her in with us. Then last night she cried maybe every hour after BT but was able to resettle herself well. Then at 11PM she wouldn't, so DH did WIWO,  but we gave up at 1AM since she was wide awake and brought her in with us. It took her one more hour to fall asleep she was so worked up. She is stil sleeping now.

Obviously I know it was bad to get her to sleep in our bed again but we didn't know what to do and I know she is a little OT so I do want her to catch up a little before going back to daycare on MOnday.

But her crying is not as panicked anymore so that's a good start but we really have to work at getting her to sleep the entire night in her crib. We were thinking of putting an inflatable mattress on the floor in her room and having one of us sleep there with her. I don't know if it will be enough for her though because when we were on vacation she had a crib right next to her bed and she wouldn't sleep in it. But then again it was a different environment.

What do you think?

good luck with the smaller child sleep issues!

[Emami]

Following.  My DD2 is a bit older at 2yr 2m but we are also having nighttime issues. She has been an IS since forever and BT and naps are still fine but she is waking screaming in the night and staying awake and upset for a long time. We were away over Christmas and also sharing a room with her, plus there is probably some jetlag at play, plus her last 2 molars have popped, but it is horrible! Hope yours improves soon!

[Haribo2012]

It's so hard in the middle of the night to not bring them in your bed if everyone then gets to sleep. I'm guessing she's just got used to getting in your bed, and it's a case of whose will is stronger to last it out.

I'd go for bed on floor in her room, when she wakes just say it's still night times or sleepy time whatever phrase you use, lay her down say it's ok mummy or daddy here go to sleep now and lay down yourself. Basically repeat repeat even if it takes a long times so she knows that her bed is where she sleeps. If she gets mega wound up quick cuddle then back into bed, you can always have your hand in her back or a body part if that helps.

I found wi/who always wound up my eldest so we did the above and gradually moved further away from his cot until we were just sat in doorway for a few mins.

Did she go through 18 month SR?

[ENMS]

Hum you know, she did not go through the 18m SR - I'm guessing that could be it too. Would the advice be the same if it is a SR?

I will set up a mattress in her room and hopefully we all get some sleep. you're right, I think the WIWO is definitely not helping and probably making her more excited if anything.

Emma, it really sounds similar to what we're going through. Let me know how you get on.

[Haribo2012]

I'd do the same yes if it's SR, with the mattress I do go back to my own bed after they are in a deep sleep but it's much nicer than the floor. Last night I did it for my nearly 1 yr old but no mattress and I couldn't walk when I stood up...numb butt cheek lol!

Emami have you posted your own thread so you can get some eyes on might be helpful fir you 

[Emami]

I posted my own thread just now... at midnight when she's already been up for 2hrs 😣 ENMS nothing good to report here, hope you're having more joy

[ENMS]

Not a lot of joy for us either. She had trouble going down at BT and DH was taking care of it doing WIWO and it was working horribly. So i went with your advice and stayed in her room, she calmed immediately and went to sleep around 8. Then she woke at 10, I went in and she relaxed right away and went back to sleep. Then I must have been sleeping soundly because DH says she woke at 11:30 and he stayed with her until 1AM but she did not go back to sleep at all so at 1AM he brought her in with us and she slept until morning. I'm thinking now that this is maybe some sort of SA towards me, because me being in the room works perfectly fine but not when it's DH? Also, since she keeps waking up repeatedly through the night, wondering if it would be a bad idea to just sleep on the mattress for the entire night, or is that setting myself up for more trouble later on? not sure what to do, but getting up every hour or two does not sound like fun!!

I hope you get a better night Emma. What did you end up doing last night?

[Haribo2012]

If you feel like it's SA and you being there helps then try the whole night Hun it's totally your call, everything can be fixed if need be at a later date.

Sometimes it can be whose will is strongest lol, I was in DS2 room for an hour and half the other night putting him back down every time he stood up lol!

[ENMS]

Is this typical of SA waking up multiple times at night? Sory my other 2 never did that sonthis is vey new to me. She did calm down and go to sleep immediately when I was in the room, which seems to be vey different then when DH is in the room. She was calm with him but just could not go to dleepvbut did right away of course in our bed. I will try to just go when she wakes again tonight I do want to avoid bad habits as much as possible.

[Haribo2012]

I think SA can present in different ways but sounds like she needs you just now to feel ok about sleep. Fingers crossed it goes ok for you x

[ENMS]

well, we had a first complete night in her crib in over two weeks! yay! 

I stayed with her at BT but she wouldn't fall asleep so then I left, she cried for a minute and then she was quiet. I guess I was maybe distracting her? she woke a few times in the evening but resettled herself and then at 10:30 she wouldn't resettle so I went in, said it's time to sleep and sat in the rocking chair. we both fell asleep and she woke a few times, just looked that I was there and then went back to sleep. at 3:30 I went back to my bed and she woke at 5:30 briefly but resettled herself. she was still sleeping when I left for work

so good progress!!! now I am wondering what I should do tonight - should I try to leave her to sleep on her own? or should I stay again but move the rocking chair further away from her crib?

[Haribo2012]

Yahey well done, do you think she needed you there? Maybe go a mix of both stay but move further away and when she's settled just say sleep time etc and leave and see what happens x

[ENMS]

Hi there!

so some improvement but still a few issues! she takes over an hour to fall asleep at BT. she cries on and off. it doesn't escalate that much so we try to hold off but when she starts to cry harder, we do go but try to speak to her without opening the door to her room, we tell her it's ok, we're right here and we know you can fall asleep on your own baby, etc. it usually calms her down well enough but it will take many repeats of this.

then she usually will wake a little in the evening but resettle herself (I'm guessing she's OT from taking too long to fall asleep) and she sleeps a good stretch. last night it was 4:30 when she woke but then we couldn't calm her through just speaking on the other side of the door so I went in. she is standing in her crib and crying and the second we go in, she just throws herself down and relaxes to go back to sleep. I fell asleep too for an hour or so and then left her room.

I think I'll just continue to do what we are doing and avoid going into her room as much as possible. I'll maybe also try an earlier BT, I think she may still be OT from the less sleep on vacation and her days at daycare are definitely tiring.

Anything else I should try you think?

[Haribo2012]

I think everything you'd doing sounds great, it can take a while. x

[ENMS]

Thanks. She had her best night last night, I ended up staying with her while she fell asleep so she wasn't OT and she didn't wake until 1AM. Tried to reassure her without going in and didn't work so I slept a few hours on a mattress in her room and then she slept until 7:30. I think that's a good improvement.

She is completely fine going to sleep at daycare so it really seems to be related to me, which is (somewhat) good news.

I am hoping she will slowly be less and less anxious and can go back to IS soon enough.

[Haribo2012]

Your doing a great job, she's obviously happy when your with her and goes off into a nice sleep. If your happy doing it maybe try to reduce your presence after a few days/week when she's rested and you think SA passed x

[ENMS]

The problem I have is that as of this week DH will be very busy at work and I will probably be alone at BT often. I have no idea how I will manage, given we need to stay with Sofia for a good 30 minutes, and I will have to take care of the other 2, especially DS is very agitated right now.

Nap time she is totally fine. I just put her down for her nap an hour ago and it was like it's always been, no cries, etc. Isn't that weird? Why is she only struggling at BT?

I think I will need this to be a little quicker, maybe I can start tonight to just sit at her door instead of actually being in her room. But even if I do, I doubt she'll be back to an IS by Monday or Tuesday.

I'm guessing if I am alone the best thing I can do is to let her be and just go in if she cries really hard. Otherwise if she is crying on and off I will have to let her be and hope she falls asleep. The problem with that is that it takes her over an hour to fall asleep and then she has OT wakings , but maybe I can try to ride this out and see.

[Haribo2012]

Is she UT at BT do you think if it's taking her a long time? What about sitting in doorway and having the other LO that's needing you at the min to sit with a book next to you?

[ENMS]

I don't think she is UT at BT, on weekdays if anything she is potentially OT as days at daycare are so tiring for her.  This weekend she had a very long nap on Saturday and did have a bad night and took longer than usual to go back to sleep. So Sunday I woke her from her nap after 2h and it went better at BT.

So last night I pushed it a little on the GW front and decided to open her door and just stay in the 'doorstep', sat down there. She knew I was there and seemed relaxed, then DH took over as DD1 wanted me to do her BT and a little later he left and I saw her sit up in her crib so she wasn't asleep yet we did not hear her at all. I was pretty excited about it, and we left her door open, thinking maybe it is reassuring to her. But she still woke, at 2AM, and I went there with a yoga mat and laid down just outside her door, she was calm, as usual the second I got there she threw herself down and relaxed. But, it took her a good hour before falling asleep, she would periodically sit up and have a look at me, and did cry out a few times, very briefly.

I am wondering if this is just a SR, or if she is UT and I need to further restrict her daytime sleep? She has always been an EXTREMELY HSN baby, I'm talking about 13 hour night and long naps, forever.  Until the holidays, she was sleeping 2-3h naps and 12 hour nights. Right now she is getting maybe 11 hours nights (including the NW's and trouble falling asleep) and usually 1.45-2h naps.

I think I will keep staying in her doorstep for now, not go further yet until she feels more comfortable. I will also leave her door open although it is probably not ideal since DS's room is right in front of DD2's and he is a noisy child and he is very agitated these days but I really do think it reassures her and she was able to fall asleep last night without us so that is a good improvement.

[Haribo2012]

Generally with any GW you hold where you are for a few days and then move a little further away.

If it's SR it should pass in a few weeks but that's a long time to be guessing, if she were OT I'd of expected more crying very upset wake ups but you never know. If you suspect OT you could let her nap for a good long nap but then you say she struggled falling to sleep after the long weekend one so maybe after a long nap she needs later BT.

What her OT behaviour like?

[ENMS]

She is really not very sensitive to OT honestly. She's a pretty flexible baby, clearly 100% angel! She's the kind of baby that usually will just sleep longer in the morning if she is tired to make up for it.  However she will usually wake in the evening when very OT, but usually would resettle be herself. So I think those first nights when we were doing WIWO she became OT and woke multiple times in the evening.

So tonight was amazing, when I was doing the end of her BT in her room, I left the door open and made sure she saw her brother right across the hall, and I told her that he was sleeping in his room on his own and so was she but he was really close not to worry. Then when I put her in her crib she cried and I left for a few seconds and DS went to see her and told her he was right here for her and not to worry and miracle we haven't heard from her again!!

One thing I thought might help is that if I move her crib a little to the other wall of her room, she would be able to see DS in his bed when she is lying in her crib. I normally would not consider it but now I'm wondering if maybe I should move her crib, maybe seeing him would reassure her?

I've also added a night light to her room a few nights ago.

I really hope we don't have a few more weeks of this is it is a SR, my back is killing me today from spending 2h on a yoga mat last night!!

[Haribo2012]

Sounds amazing (not the back but of course)

I'd say anything is worth a try, looks like the visual reassurance helps her feel settled. Why not try it for a couple of nights see if things stays the same?

Ugh I know that feeling I'm shattered from trying to lay on the floor with DS2 crying x

[ENMS]

Fantastic news, she STTN for the first time! Yay!!

Obviously I am sure this is not over! But that's fantastic improvement!

[Haribo2012]

Fab news love a good update x

[ENMS]

So I am back!

we had about a week of blissful, uninterrupted sleep. and then she started again with issues at BT and NW's with a vengeance.

so we went back to sleeping on a yoga mat in the hall and it was relatively ok (had to stay there 30 minutes or so at BT and then an hour or so during NW.  but she was having more NW than ever (sometimes 2 or 3 per night) and honestly, DH and I are shattered, we're both super busy at work right now and the lack of sleep is killing us.

so last night when she woke around midnight, DH went to see her,and he was so tired, he just sat in the rocking chair in her room - which we haven't done for over 2 weeks now as we had moved to the hallway. so I went in to tell him that he needed to continue with the GW plan (I know it's hard in the MOTN but you gotta keep on with it right) and then we had a major meltdown from DD, because of course, she wanted us to be IN her room, and not outside. she was awake for 3h. I laid on my yoa mat in the hallway but she still cried on and off the whole time. after about 2h I decided to give up and go to my room, and just go back periodically to reassure her with words. it still went on and on and she somewhat calmed down after DH went, I guess she was still holding out some hope he would sit in her room, but after he did the same as me, she calmed down and went back to sleep.

so it is weird because we didn't exactly do GW, nor exactly WIWO, but it did end up working, although there was lots of crying. I am wondering if not going in right away when she is crying hard is the right thing to do, I don't want to do CIO/CC but at the same time, WIWO really winds her up and the GW was not working and we just all need some sleep. so we're kind of out of solutions right now.

any thoughts on how to get a handle on the situation? I don't think it is SA because she is fine during the day and even at naptime. I think it is sleep associations that have now been going on for a good month.

then last

[Scottishmummy]

Hi,

I'm sorry you are having such a disrupted time with sleep. Not read your whole thread but what you did last night to get her to settle eventually sounds like it worked. Not rushing in immediately works for some (if my DD shouts out in night we often wait a short time to see if she resettles herself) & you & her dad did still go in and reassure her you were there so it wasn't CIO. The approaches work exactly as textbook for some LOs, for some you need to adapt a bit, which you did.

I hope your nights start to improve soon

[creations]

Hi - I had a quick look at some of your posts but didn't read the whole thread. Just wondering if you have introduced some verbal reassurance and a key phrase?  Verbal and a key phrase can be a great reassurance which can be used from a distance and she may then be less reliant on seeing someone there.
I wonder if she might be going through a language developmental leap, she doesn't seem quite the right age but then some have these leaps earlier or later don't they. I remember mine having atrocious nights when he had his language leaps, really confusing out of the blue disturbance which passed eventually and then he suddenly had a bunch of new words at the end of it.

Sorry you're all having such a hard time of it atm.  It really will pass, keep that in mind x

[ENMS]

thanks for the encouragement.
I think it did work, because she's been sleeping better ever since, or at least she is better at settling herself when she wakes.  she's still been waking often these 2 nights, but she resettles herself and we don't need to go see her. I still feel bad, because I know it's fine not to go in too quickly, we always took a wait and see approach and see if she would settle on her own, but this time we did leave her to it more than we usually do.
creations, yes, we have a key phrase and some verbal reassurance, we have been using it since this all started but I'm not sure how much it was helping. it could very well be a language leap, she does not have many words yet, I would say maybe 10 maximum, and she has been having more and more words recently