19 month old suddenly terrified of sleeping in her room

[ENMS]

Hi there!

so some improvement but still a few issues! she takes over an hour to fall asleep at BT. she cries on and off. it doesn't escalate that much so we try to hold off but when she starts to cry harder, we do go but try to speak to her without opening the door to her room, we tell her it's ok, we're right here and we know you can fall asleep on your own baby, etc. it usually calms her down well enough but it will take many repeats of this.

then she usually will wake a little in the evening but resettle herself (I'm guessing she's OT from taking too long to fall asleep) and she sleeps a good stretch. last night it was 4:30 when she woke but then we couldn't calm her through just speaking on the other side of the door so I went in. she is standing in her crib and crying and the second we go in, she just throws herself down and relaxes to go back to sleep. I fell asleep too for an hour or so and then left her room.

I think I'll just continue to do what we are doing and avoid going into her room as much as possible. I'll maybe also try an earlier BT, I think she may still be OT from the less sleep on vacation and her days at daycare are definitely tiring.

Anything else I should try you think?

[Haribo2012]

I think everything you'd doing sounds great, it can take a while. x

[ENMS]

Thanks. She had her best night last night, I ended up staying with her while she fell asleep so she wasn't OT and she didn't wake until 1AM. Tried to reassure her without going in and didn't work so I slept a few hours on a mattress in her room and then she slept until 7:30. I think that's a good improvement.

She is completely fine going to sleep at daycare so it really seems to be related to me, which is (somewhat) good news.

I am hoping she will slowly be less and less anxious and can go back to IS soon enough.

[Haribo2012]

Your doing a great job, she's obviously happy when your with her and goes off into a nice sleep. If your happy doing it maybe try to reduce your presence after a few days/week when she's rested and you think SA passed x

[ENMS]

The problem I have is that as of this week DH will be very busy at work and I will probably be alone at BT often. I have no idea how I will manage, given we need to stay with Sofia for a good 30 minutes, and I will have to take care of the other 2, especially DS is very agitated right now.

Nap time she is totally fine. I just put her down for her nap an hour ago and it was like it's always been, no cries, etc. Isn't that weird? Why is she only struggling at BT?

I think I will need this to be a little quicker, maybe I can start tonight to just sit at her door instead of actually being in her room. But even if I do, I doubt she'll be back to an IS by Monday or Tuesday.

I'm guessing if I am alone the best thing I can do is to let her be and just go in if she cries really hard. Otherwise if she is crying on and off I will have to let her be and hope she falls asleep. The problem with that is that it takes her over an hour to fall asleep and then she has OT wakings , but maybe I can try to ride this out and see.

[Haribo2012]

Is she UT at BT do you think if it's taking her a long time? What about sitting in doorway and having the other LO that's needing you at the min to sit with a book next to you?

[ENMS]

I don't think she is UT at BT, on weekdays if anything she is potentially OT as days at daycare are so tiring for her.  This weekend she had a very long nap on Saturday and did have a bad night and took longer than usual to go back to sleep. So Sunday I woke her from her nap after 2h and it went better at BT.

So last night I pushed it a little on the GW front and decided to open her door and just stay in the 'doorstep', sat down there. She knew I was there and seemed relaxed, then DH took over as DD1 wanted me to do her BT and a little later he left and I saw her sit up in her crib so she wasn't asleep yet we did not hear her at all. I was pretty excited about it, and we left her door open, thinking maybe it is reassuring to her. But she still woke, at 2AM, and I went there with a yoga mat and laid down just outside her door, she was calm, as usual the second I got there she threw herself down and relaxed. But, it took her a good hour before falling asleep, she would periodically sit up and have a look at me, and did cry out a few times, very briefly.

I am wondering if this is just a SR, or if she is UT and I need to further restrict her daytime sleep? She has always been an EXTREMELY HSN baby, I'm talking about 13 hour night and long naps, forever.  Until the holidays, she was sleeping 2-3h naps and 12 hour nights. Right now she is getting maybe 11 hours nights (including the NW's and trouble falling asleep) and usually 1.45-2h naps.

I think I will keep staying in her doorstep for now, not go further yet until she feels more comfortable. I will also leave her door open although it is probably not ideal since DS's room is right in front of DD2's and he is a noisy child and he is very agitated these days but I really do think it reassures her and she was able to fall asleep last night without us so that is a good improvement.

[Haribo2012]

Generally with any GW you hold where you are for a few days and then move a little further away.

If it's SR it should pass in a few weeks but that's a long time to be guessing, if she were OT I'd of expected more crying very upset wake ups but you never know. If you suspect OT you could let her nap for a good long nap but then you say she struggled falling to sleep after the long weekend one so maybe after a long nap she needs later BT.

What her OT behaviour like?

[ENMS]

She is really not very sensitive to OT honestly. She's a pretty flexible baby, clearly 100% angel! She's the kind of baby that usually will just sleep longer in the morning if she is tired to make up for it.  However she will usually wake in the evening when very OT, but usually would resettle be herself. So I think those first nights when we were doing WIWO she became OT and woke multiple times in the evening.

So tonight was amazing, when I was doing the end of her BT in her room, I left the door open and made sure she saw her brother right across the hall, and I told her that he was sleeping in his room on his own and so was she but he was really close not to worry. Then when I put her in her crib she cried and I left for a few seconds and DS went to see her and told her he was right here for her and not to worry and miracle we haven't heard from her again!!

One thing I thought might help is that if I move her crib a little to the other wall of her room, she would be able to see DS in his bed when she is lying in her crib. I normally would not consider it but now I'm wondering if maybe I should move her crib, maybe seeing him would reassure her?

I've also added a night light to her room a few nights ago.

I really hope we don't have a few more weeks of this is it is a SR, my back is killing me today from spending 2h on a yoga mat last night!!

[Haribo2012]

Sounds amazing (not the back but of course)

I'd say anything is worth a try, looks like the visual reassurance helps her feel settled. Why not try it for a couple of nights see if things stays the same?

Ugh I know that feeling I'm shattered from trying to lay on the floor with DS2 crying x

[ENMS]

Fantastic news, she STTN for the first time! Yay!!

Obviously I am sure this is not over! But that's fantastic improvement!

[Haribo2012]

Fab news love a good update x

[ENMS]

So I am back!

we had about a week of blissful, uninterrupted sleep. and then she started again with issues at BT and NW's with a vengeance.

so we went back to sleeping on a yoga mat in the hall and it was relatively ok (had to stay there 30 minutes or so at BT and then an hour or so during NW.  but she was having more NW than ever (sometimes 2 or 3 per night) and honestly, DH and I are shattered, we're both super busy at work right now and the lack of sleep is killing us.

so last night when she woke around midnight, DH went to see her,and he was so tired, he just sat in the rocking chair in her room - which we haven't done for over 2 weeks now as we had moved to the hallway. so I went in to tell him that he needed to continue with the GW plan (I know it's hard in the MOTN but you gotta keep on with it right) and then we had a major meltdown from DD, because of course, she wanted us to be IN her room, and not outside. she was awake for 3h. I laid on my yoa mat in the hallway but she still cried on and off the whole time. after about 2h I decided to give up and go to my room, and just go back periodically to reassure her with words. it still went on and on and she somewhat calmed down after DH went, I guess she was still holding out some hope he would sit in her room, but after he did the same as me, she calmed down and went back to sleep.

so it is weird because we didn't exactly do GW, nor exactly WIWO, but it did end up working, although there was lots of crying. I am wondering if not going in right away when she is crying hard is the right thing to do, I don't want to do CIO/CC but at the same time, WIWO really winds her up and the GW was not working and we just all need some sleep. so we're kind of out of solutions right now.

any thoughts on how to get a handle on the situation? I don't think it is SA because she is fine during the day and even at naptime. I think it is sleep associations that have now been going on for a good month.

then last

[Scottishmummy]

Hi,

I'm sorry you are having such a disrupted time with sleep. Not read your whole thread but what you did last night to get her to settle eventually sounds like it worked. Not rushing in immediately works for some (if my DD shouts out in night we often wait a short time to see if she resettles herself) & you & her dad did still go in and reassure her you were there so it wasn't CIO. The approaches work exactly as textbook for some LOs, for some you need to adapt a bit, which you did.

I hope your nights start to improve soon

[creations]

Hi - I had a quick look at some of your posts but didn't read the whole thread. Just wondering if you have introduced some verbal reassurance and a key phrase?  Verbal and a key phrase can be a great reassurance which can be used from a distance and she may then be less reliant on seeing someone there.
I wonder if she might be going through a language developmental leap, she doesn't seem quite the right age but then some have these leaps earlier or later don't they. I remember mine having atrocious nights when he had his language leaps, really confusing out of the blue disturbance which passed eventually and then he suddenly had a bunch of new words at the end of it.

Sorry you're all having such a hard time of it atm.  It really will pass, keep that in mind x