Need some help urgently for a 2.5 years old

[Gkaur]

Hi,

We are struggling with night sleep for my 2.5 year old. He is a good napper but sleeps horribly in the night waking up several times. He used to sleep through until he was 18 months but something went off after that. We never tried crying out with him, so he sleeps with me/my husbands hand on him. It used to take him anywhere around 30 minutes to get to sleep but nowadays it can easily take an hour. I wouldn't mind that as long as he slept through but of course he doesn't as he keeps waking up crying and looking for us. When he gets up, we can sometimes settle him in his cot by being with him for 5-10 minutes. Most nights, at some stage, he asks to sleep with me in the bed. He has got into this habit of co-sleeping over the past six months or so as we went on holidays where he slept with us. When we try to tell him that he has to sleep in his own bed or by himself, he gets hysterical to the point of nearly throwing up. He is completely inconsolable. His naps are fine as he naps at home with our nanny who sleep trained him as a baby. With her, she leaves him in the cot with a good night and he goes to sleep on his own. Napping with us over the weekends is also fine and he only takes a few minutes to sleep as he is usually quite tired by mid-day and ready to sleep. We would really like him to sleep on his own in the night and by himself as He is clearly able to do it and big enough. Any tips would be greatly appreciated as I am at wits end. I have read about gradual withdrawal but struggling to figure out how to implement it as he keeps asking for my hand all the time when we put him to bed. He has never taken a lovey or soft toy. I am posting his sample schedule below in case that helps..
 
Wakes up around 630, 7 with some milk
Breakfast at 730
Lunch at 1045,11 and sleeping by 1145 on his own.He naps beautifully in the day from 1130/12 until 2 and almost always needs to be woken up.
Wakes up around 130, 145 and off to nursery during the week
I pick him up at 530 and we have tea/dinner by 6,615.
Bath followed by milk around 645, 7 and we start putting him to bed at 730 pm. Asleep by 815,830 on most nights.

[creations]

Hello and welcome to BW forums
Sorry you didn't have any replies yet.  I'm sure someone will be over here soon to offer support

[Haribo2012]

Hi there, are the NW chatty?

[Scottishmummy]

Hi

Sorry for late reply. It sounds like you might need to re-teach  him to go to sleep independently at bedtime and to resettle himself at night.

As he can fall asleep independently and used to do this for you, I think I'd try walk-in, walk-out rather than GW: Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

So for your LO, this would be normal bedtime routine but then tuck him in, say goodnight and walk out. He will call for you. You go back in, comfort, say good night again and walk out. And repeat until he gone to sleep. The same for night wakings.  You often wait a little  but always go in if you feel he is escalating and getting more worked up, but then out again. 

The first one or 2 bedtimes and nights will be very tough & take a long time but most people see an improvement within a few days to a week. Choose a time you feel ready and strong enough and at a weekend or holiday as you will get tired. If possible, do this jointly with your partner, taking turns to comfort so other can have a break.  Stick with it, be consistent and a couplet difficult nights will reward you with better sleep after that.

Good luck and plc come back to chat things through if you want to
Xx

[Gkaur]

Hi there, are the NW chatty?

Hi Zoe,

Thanks for responses. No, NW aren't chatty but he is basically crying.

[Gkaur]

Hi,


Thanks a lot for your response. Actually, he has never settled independently for us. He has always done it with our nanny but always required us to be there with him while putting him to sleep. That's the problem as it is an old habit. Given that, what do you think will be the best approach to teach him to sleep?

Last night, after reading through several of the posts here, I resolved to not bring him into our bed no matter what. So, I lied down in his room on the floor and settled him every time he woke up in the night (3-4 times total). It actually took only a few minutes each time with my hand in the cot with his and I would pull off after minutes. I am shattered this morning but also glad that he slept in his bed for a whole night after ages. We still need to fix the biggest problem though which is his need for us to put him back to sleep!!

Hi

Sorry for late reply. It sounds like you might need to re-teach  him to go to sleep independently at bedtime and to resettle himself at night.

As he can fall asleep independently and used to do this for you, I think I'd try walk-in, walk-out rather than GW: Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

So for your LO, this would be normal bedtime routine but then tuck him in, say goodnight and walk out. He will call for you. You go back in, comfort, say good night again and walk out. And repeat until he gone to sleep. The same for night wakings.  You often wait a little  but always go in if you feel he is escalating and getting more worked up, but then out again. 

The first one or 2 bedtimes and nights will be very tough & take a long time but most people see an improvement within a few days to a week. Choose a time you feel ready and strong enough and at a weekend or holiday as you will get tired. If possible, do this jointly with your partner, taking turns to comfort so other can have a break.  Stick with it, be consistent and a couplet difficult nights will reward you with better sleep after that.

Good luck and plc come back to chat things through if you want to
Xx

Hi

Sorry for late reply. It sounds like you might need to re-teach  him to go to sleep independently at bedtime and to resettle himself at night.

As he can fall asleep independently and used to do this for you, I think I'd try walk-in, walk-out rather than GW: Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

So for your LO, this would be normal bedtime routine but then tuck him in, say goodnight and walk out. He will call for you. You go back in, comfort, say good night again and walk out. And repeat until he gone to sleep. The same for night wakings.  You often wait a little  but always go in if you feel he is escalating and getting more worked up, but then out again. 

The first one or 2 bedtimes and nights will be very tough & take a long time but most people see an improvement within a few days to a week. Choose a time you feel ready and strong enough and at a weekend or holiday as you will get tired. If possible, do this jointly with your partner, taking turns to comfort so other can have a break.  Stick with it, be consistent and a couplet difficult nights will reward you with better sleep after that.

Good luck and plc come back to chat things through if you want to
Xx

[Scottishmummy]

A whole night in his own bed is good progress!

Re sleep training, it's a tricky one. He can self settle as he does with your nanny which would make me wonder about trying WI/WO but putung your hands in until he is calm but not asleep then walking out. If he gets upset go in & repeat.

If you feel he'd get too upset & not settle you could do GW. So think of how you would gradually move further and further away from cot. So maybe try settling with your hand in and sayings soothing phrase (I use "sleepy time" in a quiet voice) Maybe do for a couple of nights.  Then next night standing next to cot and just saying phrase. Then gradually moving further and further away each night.

Personally I think GW would be harder and take longer as you're still in room and he's so used to the touch to help him sleep he might not settle if you are there but don't have hands in his crib, but it's your choice as to what you feel most comfortable with and what you feel would work best for him and you.

[Gkaur]

Thank you for your advice. I will give WI/WO a shot to see if he responds calmly and take it from there. He is a bit poorly right now, so am postponing this one to next week .

[Haribo2012]

Hope he's feeling better soon x

[Gkaur]

Hi,

I thought I will write in with an update and also a new problem (hmm..). So, in terms of getting him to sleep independently, there hasn't been much progress as we had to go GW with him. I tried WI/WO and he wouldn't have any of it. Instead, I now just rest my hand on his cot and he extends his out for the touch. Initially, he protested against this but now this is the new normal. I am now thinking of ways to not even offer him that and just use my presence to calm him if possible. Whenever I have tried this during the night so far, he refuses to settle unless he can touch my hand!
For the past 2-3 days, I tried shortening his nap from usual 2 hours to 1.5 hours (1130 to 1 pm) in the hope that this might make him sleep better in the night. On one hand, this seems to have helped as he is now really tired in the evenings and sleeps within 30 minutes (earlier it took between 45-60 mins). Also, he is not waking every 2 hours but once in the night anywhere between 1 to 3 pm. Unfortunately, when he does wake up, he refuses to sleep on his own and even with the hand it can take up to an hour for him to fall asleep and if we leave him during the hour, he is just screaming and crying. After that, he is also waking up earlier than usual (530 am where earlier it was 630, 7). I am worried he will be OT if we keep on with this but I cannot understand his NWs.

Any advice?

[Scottishmummy]

Is it possible he's moving towards dropping the nap?
The 1-0 transition...Advice and Tips to help you through.

Regarding GW, is there anything else you could give him to hold instead of your hand? A favourite toy or comforter? If my DSis being dry clingy I say I have to go but I ask one of his toys to keep cuddling him for me and he seems to accept that.

[Gkaur]

Thanks. I will try suggesting cuddling a favourite toy and see if it works. He is quite change resistant so I am less hopeful. Regarding the naps, to be honest,  he falls asleep for them within 5 minutes because he cannot handle a long awake time in the morning (usually does 4-5 hours of A time) and gets tired quickly. So, I am not sure we can drop it but perhaps reducing the nap length might help which is what I am trying. I am worried if it will lead to OT though and more night wakings.