Helping 13mo to self settle again

[Josi2015]

I'd be really grateful for some advice on getting my 13 month old to sleep. I'm really struggling to get her to go down without a fuss at the moment both for naps and at bedtime (although naps are worse).

She goes to a childminder 3 days a week and my mum has her 1 day a week and they both say she goes down for naps with no fuss at all. Then when she is at home with me and my husband, she resists sleep like crazy and gets really upset when we put her in the cot.  She is worse for me than for Daddy.

At the childminder she tends to do something like this:

A 6 - 9:15
S 9:15 - 9:30 (in car or pushchair)
A 9:30 - 1
S 1 - 2:45
A 2:45 - 7:30

Today she has been at home with me and I tried to get her to have a short morning nap in the pushchair but she resisted so much I gave up. Then I tried putting her down at midday after lunch and she got really upset. It took me 20 minutes of in and out of the cot to finally get her to fall asleep. She had been up for 6 hours by the time she finally fell asleep so must have been tired but she still resisted like crazy.

We did a gradual withdrawal type sleep training when she was about 6 months to wean her off being rocked to sleep and it worked brilliantly - for a while I could leave the room with her awake in the cot and she would fall asleep easily by herself. Recently she has been resisting sleep so much that we have really gone backwards with falling asleep independently. She cries when we even get close to the cot and I have to have a hand firmly on her until she falls asleep or she will get upset and stand up. I'm not sure the gradual withdrawal method will work again as she just stands up and starts crying as soon as I take my hand off her so I'm worried it would end up being like crying it out. I'd really appreciate some ideas on how we can get her to self settle again. Thank you!

[Scottishmummy]

Sounds like she might be getting ready to drop that morning CN and is resisting that nap with you if she doesn't need it. It also sounds like she might be going through a phase of separation anxiety.

How long did you try to get her to take a pushchair nap?  Is it possible that she had an understimukated morning with trying to get that nap?

I think I'd try quiet but awake time around 9.15/30ish (e.g. a cuddle and a story) but then lots of play for rest of the morning and aim for just 1 nap after lunch. Hopefully she'll be tired enough by then to settle.

If she does go to 1 nap, you may find you need to move BT a bit earlier on 1 nap days. You may find she does some 2 nap and some 1 nap days for a while and may do a different routine with CM to the one you have at home.

SA is also common at this age which also could be making her more upset at nap times. This link might help: Separation Anxiety

[Josi2015]

Thanks so much for your reply.

Yes, thinking about it, she could well have had an understimulated morning. She was in the pushchair about an hour in total and I kept things low key after that as I thought she would get tired after missing the nap. I'm noticing what she has done while awake is becoming a lot more important rather than it simply being a case of awake times now, so I'll definitely keep that in mind.

We did try 1 nap for a while but she got OT quite quickly as she doesn't tend to make up for lost sleep at night. If we put her to bed earlier than 7:30 she just wakes up earlier in the morning. In fact we struggle to even get 11 hours from her at night. Is there anything we can try to extend her night sleep, especially on 1 nap days?

I think you're right that there could be a bit of separation anxiety when she's going to bed. The only thing is that she doesn't seem to mind being away from me during the day. She doesn't get upset when I leave the room and is happy being left at the childminder. Do some LOs just show SA at sleeptimes but not the rest of the time?

Thanks again for your help 😊

[Scottishmummy]

Hi

Good luck with the more active mornings. 

If she doesn't tack on night sleep, then you might find she makes up sleep through the transition with a mix of 2nap and some 1 nap days for a while. That can work with your current routine of the v short morning CN on 2 nap days as it keeps the main nap middle of the day, & on one nap days you might bring the nap slightly earlier.

Not sure about SA only at BT.  Could also be UT behaviour, or developmental fussiness. The WI/WO approach in the link would probably still apply though!

[Josi2015]

Thank you for the reply again. Hopefully WI/WO will help whatever is going on with her! Thanks again.