Author Topic: Can't go on much longer  (Read 914 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Can't go on much longer
« on: February 20, 2017, 07:47:43 am »
Hello! I have a 9 year old with special needs including seperation anxiety and a 6 1/2 month old that i cosleep and breas feed and is on solids.  I am a single parent and up until I had my baby my son slept beside me. Now my mum stays over o n school nights to sleep beside him which isn't ideal.  My baby needs rocked to sleep for naps and will sometimes stay asleep if cuddle or ssh pat her every 40 min. At night she will sometimes but rare fall asleep if I lie beside her the she needs boob or dummy every 40 min. She does not call asleep on the boob she will feed roll over then mostly go to sleep with minimal fussing.  I need to get her to sleep on her own and in her cot so I can bring ds back in with me. Getting him to sleep.independent isn't an option atm.

Her easy is
5.30 wake (I've tried everything to keep her longer but no joy)
E 6
A
7.30 bed (she wrecked at this time)
9.30 w and e
A
Nap 11.30
W 1.30
E
A
S 4
E 4.30
A
S.

Give or take 30 min each day looks the same.
 
Can someone give me advice where to start
1. In her own cot (eventually in own room)
2. No more rocking to sleep for naps
3. No more needing  my presence in mddle of nap
4. No more bf every 40 min
5. No more dummy if it turns to prop.

There is no growth spurt teething or development milestones atm. She also isn't really a crier.
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2017, 03:35:45 am »
Can she replug the dummy at all herself or does it have to be you who does it?  The fact that you need to replug every 40 minutes is definitely telling me that it's a prop.  So, that being said, I think your best bet is to work on getting her to fall asleep independently - that way you know she can put herself back to sleep independently and she won't need you in the middle of the night or in the middle of naps.  She's basically just not transitioning between sleep cycles.  My guess is that if she is able to stay asleep better you might get some longer A times and get her down to 2 good naps a day (there's a good sample schedule for her age in this FAQ: All about the 3-2 transition- 5/6 months)

In order to work on the independent sleep, I would start with some shush-pat (Shush-pat - How to) as that's the gentlest method.  Actually, even before the shush-pat, it sounds like she probably needs a good wind down routine, since her currently wind down seems to consist of her feeding.  At her age, especially if she's used to feeding at night, there will probably be some point at which she needs to be fed -- I'd pick a time about halfway through the night and not feed before that.  Can your mom help you resettle her before that since she's there?  Maybe your son could come in with you again and your mom could work on settling the baby? 

((hugs)) sweetie, sounds like you've got a challenging situation to deal with. 
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...


Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2017, 13:29:47 pm »
She doesn't always need the dummy but Def needs help to sleep. My mum is too old now to be much help. She has went in at 3 am a few times and she doesnt need fed but Def needs rocked. The fact she is getting up at 5/5.30 makes it harder to transition to 2 naps too
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2017, 21:51:57 pm »
Totally agree that the 5 AM wake up makes it harder to get to2 naps, along with the frequent wakings.  I would work on getting her to settle independently first and to resettle.  Honestly I'd probably work on nights first and then work on naps after -- hopefully once you get the nights more settled the naps will follow -- I think she's just got to get better at self soothing.  Does she have a lovey?  Can you sleep with a blanket and tuck it in her crib (not to cover her but to sleep on so she can still smell it)?
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...


Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2017, 19:17:47 pm »
She has a dummy and a lovey. We Co sleep at the min. I wanna get her in the cot after her.cold  goes though. I have no idea how to go about getting her to self settle. She doesn't really cry either.
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2017, 02:50:03 am »
if she's not crying, what does she do when you leave her in her crib to settle?
If she can replug the dummy, I'd leave a ton of them in her crib with her so there's always one within reach.  She's definitely at the age where she could manage to put it back in when it falls out.  Do you have a current wind down routine that you use before you put her in bed?  You want to set the stage for sleep and make sure she's tired enough before putting her in her crib as that will help her to fall asleep independently. 
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...


Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2017, 10:35:32 am »
A little update. We have all had 2 colds since the last update but I have been doing a litthe gradual withdraw.  She used to need bounced and rocked and sung/ssh to sleep for naps and bedtime but now I hold her and rock ever so gentle nearly not at all and am completely silent. She also can almost sleep the full morning nap without needING lifted just ssshhhed. I have also got her down to 2 naps a day so new routine looks like the following give or take 30 min.

Wake 6.30
Breakfast 7
Activity
Nap 9.30 can be between 1 and 2 hous
Wake 11ish
Lunch 12
Aciticity
Nap 2 only napping 40 min even though I know she is still tired and no amount of rocking etc works.
3 lunch
Activity
6 bedtime wind down
6.30 sleep

She gets bf. B4 and after each nap.

During the night she wakes around 8-10 times for either dummy boob or physical contact but no need to rock. We are still Co sleeping. Things are getting desperate now as I now have to have my son with me in bed constant from tonight onwards so this will be her 1st night in her crib still in my room though. What would be the best approach to start from here?
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2017, 00:23:04 am »
Sounds like you're doing great!  Well done especially on that first nap and with moving towards independent sleep!  :) 

I have a few thoughts for you...
I think your second A time may be a touch too long and she may be waking early from being OT.  Can you try putting her to sleep about a half hour earlier and see what that does to your nap?  It could be that she's a bit overtired and that's causing her to wake earlier and not be able to fall back to sleep.  I think you're really close to where you need to be, so I wouldn't move it earlier by much, you might even start with 15 minutes or so. 

How sound a sleeper is your son?  Do you think if you just shhhhhed her from your bed she would settle back down at night?  I know that with my youngest (who was a pretty awful sleeper), I would often shhhh while he was in his crib and it would settle him back down -- or a shhh and some patting along with it?  Or do you think that would disturb your son?  It's a difficult balancing act you've got going, so I feel like you have to do whatever is going to work best for all the members of your family. 

I'm also somewhat torn on your BFing timing -- clearly, she doesn't need to eat as often as she is so I'm wondering if feeding her before and after naps is causing her to want to be fed more often....on the other hand, having the nursing before naps really helps some babies sleep.  If I were you, I'd probably leave it for now, but keep in mind that it may be something you might eventually want to eliminate -- or even eliminate the nursing session after the nap and just focus on her taking a big feed before.  Again, it doesn't seem to me like that's causing a problem right now, so I'd probably leave it. 

I think you're doing great!
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...


Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2017, 07:39:01 am »
I had her in her cot last night and she managed to sleep a few times with sssh pat which was good.  My goal was a feed at 112 and 3 and bring her in to bed with me at 5 to stop the early waking which I managed. Going to stick at it with the end goAl of maybe just  the one feed around 2. I'm not going to feed her when she wakes from a nap and just give her water solids then be b4 naps to see if that makes a difference x my son is an awful sleep because of his anxiety and spd he needs constant touch throughout the night. He never slept through til he was about 3
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2017, 20:11:36 pm »
Woohoo, that's a great start!  I would just keep focusing on settling her back to sleep while she's in the crib.  I know I took the same early morning approach as you're planning to with all of mine -- at least until everything else straightens out enough to be able to tackle early mornings!  I'd be curious to see if the water will make a difference. 
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...


Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #10 on: March 18, 2017, 10:57:03 am »
Night 1 and day 1 wasn't too bad but night 2 was hard work I do think she was hungry though so I had to feed her and she did attach and gulp. She wenter down for her morning nap and has been sleeping for 1 hour 10nmin so far without needing me at all!  Slowly buy surely finishes the race and all that
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2017, 12:50:18 pm »
Yeah, will definitely be a process.  I think she's definitely used to taking lots of little feeds so working on getting her to eat more at once is going to be something else she'll need to get used to.  You're doing great!
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...


Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #12 on: April 02, 2017, 20:15:05 pm »
So it's been two weeks and I've seen a huge improvement in naps and putting her down  for the night in the cot but she is awful at night after about 30 min of putting her down. I have seen her drop off in her own  wake up and drop off on her own during naps but night time is a different story. I do everything the exact same. We had a few better nights at the beginning I even got a couple of 5 hour stretches but back to square one  any tips she doesn't need the dummy nice or rocking to sleep either and she isn't teething
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #13 on: April 03, 2017, 23:41:09 pm »
Wondering if it's a routine issue now?  What's your current EASY look like?  And is she falling asleep independently when you first out her to bed at night? 
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...


Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #14 on: April 07, 2017, 19:41:51 pm »
Her easy give or take 30 min

Wake 7am
E 7.30
A
S 10
Wake 11.30
E 12
A
S 2.30
W 3.10 (she needs  longer and sometimes goes longer,)
Bedtime 7pm tried early she having none of it. Also 1stvpart of Bedtime she wakes lots.
She can drop off independently and get back to sleep without dummy or book that's y its frustrating.
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #15 on: April 20, 2017, 02:20:07 am »
How are things going now?  I missed replying to this earlier!  Do you think you could stretch that first A time a bit or is she just not having any part of it?
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...


Offline paulak412

  • Am I nuts or what!!
  • New, But Posting Steadily!
  • **
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 54
  • Is it bedtime yet?
  • Location: Ireland
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #16 on: June 27, 2017, 22:30:21 pm »
At the minute she is taking 2 really long naps a day and she needs them. She is still going down at 7pm too I think it's the heat. I give her a dream feed at 10.30ish and she wakes at 5 and sometime goes back to sleep for an hour or 2 so I don't think she is ready to cut that 2nd nap. I don't think she coped well with the heat. She also won't sleep in her pram so not sure how we are gonna cope in the summer as I like to go for day trips
Mother to sheá 28.06 07 and eabhà 01.08.16

Offline Erin M

  • The Sentinel
  • Global Moderator
  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 520
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 16340
  • Location: USA - the midwest...
Re: Can't go on much longer
« Reply #17 on: June 29, 2017, 12:27:48 pm »
Sounds pretty good!  I think when mine were that has if we needed to be out I would accept the fact that one would be a disaster but make sure we were home for the other one to get some good sleep in.  Hear can be hard, I know I don't sleep as well when it's hot out!  I would feed at 5 AM waking with mine until they weren't really taking much and then work on getting them back to sleep without feeding. 
Erin, mom to
Katie Rose and Allie Quinn

and...