How to stop sleeping in recliner with 4 month old.

[mom23]

My LO is just 4mos old and we've been sleeping together since day 1. I had a c-section and it was so hard to get up out of bed we started sleeping in the recliner. Nights have become unbearable as he wakes every 2hrs at first for comfort nursing then eventually every hr. Naps are on me or in the carrier. Our typical schedule is this
8:15am wake up
9:15 nurse
10:15 nap
11:30 wake up
12:30 nurse
1:30 nap
3:30 wake and nurse
5:30 catnap for 30-45 min
6:30 nurse
Typically another catnap of 45-1hr in the evening and then bedtime is usually 9:30 or 10 and he currently nurses to sleep. I know bedtime is late but because he will NOT sleep without me it is what it is right now. I can't sleep in the recliner for 12hrs. I don't know where/how to start. I have tried shush/pat and it seemed to anger him. He went from crying to wailing. He's not uncomfortable in his crib and is happy to spend wake time in it playing. He's a pretty happy baby overall. Any help is much appreciated. I feel so overwhelmed.

[creations]

Hi there and welcome to BW forums

I'm sorry to see you didn't have any replies yet.

I can really sense how overwhelmed you feel in your post. I begged not to have an emergency C-section with my DS as I dreaded being unable to get up and about afterwards.  I was fortunate and managed to avoid it in the end.  Many hugs, I'm sure many in the BW community can relate to how hard it is in those first months following such a major operation, it's understandable you do what you have to to get through that time xx

With regards to now wanting to move out of the recliner and get LO into his own cot - well I'm afraid there is no easy option for this. It's really a case of gritting your teeth and getting on with it.  None of the BW methods are "no cry" solutions but they are respectful and they do maintain the bond of trust you have built with your LO.  I'm afraid your LO can only be expected to complain (loudly) about any change to his sleep habits, after all he has been fed to sleep and held for all sleeps for 4 months, it's what you have taught him is normal and making any change to this you can expect a great deal of protest.  Your experience of shush/pat angering him is pretty much expected to be honest, it is not a method which magically puts baby to sleep, it is a method whereby baby knows 100% that you are there with him, that he is not alone and that you will always come when he needs you - but he IS going to sleep in his cot.
The thing is, you sound ready to make changes, you sound like you *need* changes so that you can sleep properly and better rested and better able to be the best parent you can be.

In my opinion it is vital to understand the difference between a baby crying because he is protesting to a change in his sleep environment and a baby crying because he feels abandoned.  BW methods never require you to leave your baby when he is crying and therefore the cortisol levels are low despite the crying being loud (we do not agree with CC ever).  It is not at all the same as CC methods where baby in effect gives up on you. with BW methods you never break the bond of trust.  I think if you can get your head around this it is easier to cope with some crying - at least it was for me, I was able to be a little more "detached" from the crying once I understood that our bond was not under risk and that his stress levels were extremely low.
The sound of our baby crying can be pretty awful, naturally we are programmed to respond, often we become emotionally involved with LOs emotions and end up crying with them! ...if you can reassure yourself that you ARE responding and your ARE seeing to your babies needs you DO NOT need to join him in his frustration.

I see from your routine above you are already on the higher end of A (activity) time for his age.  I would probably suggest starting your wind down 20 mins before you plan for LO to be asleep and then continue with trying to settle in the cot until he sleeps.  When sleep training Tracy would continue trying to settle LO for a long time, it is not expected that it will be easy on day 1.  You can continue until pretty much the end of the nap time and then get LO up for a feed and their next A time.
This option is probably the quickest way to get results, shush/pat in arms for the wind down, then put down in the cot and shush/pat in the cot until he is asleep and for a further 20 mins until he reaches deep sleep.  From there it is a matter of gradual reduction as he learns to sleep in his cot with less help and then without help.  It is pretty hard work, prepare yourself, if possible call in back up, someone to play with LO while you rest (so you can take over for feeds and nap time), someone to help with essential house chores.
Shush-pat - How to

Another option is to go in smaller steps towards independent sleeping. This route would take much longer but you might feel more comfortable with it.
There is a description towards the end of this thread of having LO fall asleep on a pillow on your lap, then pillow on the floor right by you, then in the cot, it's actually a method described for re-gaining trust and I am not suggesting you have lost trust but it is a useful way to get LO off you (although slower than going directly to the cot) and learning how to fall to sleep feeling the weight of their own body on a firmer surface whilst still being very close to you.
Regaining Trust of Your Child

There is also some helpful information from Pantleys No Cry Sleep Solution which might resonate with you, it is a gradual withdrawal method. Again it is a longer slower route away from co-sleeping and towards independent sleep but it fits very well with the BW ethos so we have some information here:
Gentle Removal Plan

I understand it is rather a lot to read. I do think it is worth you having a think about what you are ready for and how you'd like to go forward so that we can try to support you in the best way.  Being ready is vital in my opinion. It is pointless to put yourself or your LO through hours of hard work, sleeplessness and crying if at the end of it you lay on the recliner and get stuck where you have been for the last 4 months.

Let us know what you think.

[mom23]

Thank you so much for your reply. I am definitely ready for change but I do think I need baby steps. I would feel much more confident attempting the crib if I felt he had some experience/skills putting himself to sleep. He does suck his thumb and hands but will only do it during playtime never to sleep or if he's upset. You gave me alot to think about and consider and I appreciate the encouragement!

[creations]

When you've had time to think about things and have a read through the links we are here if you have questions or want a hand to hold

FWIW I found with my DS (and I think others have too) that they learn to fall to sleep in a particular place.  While it might be useful to start with baby steps and perhaps the pillow on the floor (with you there) idea in that "trust" link, I wouldn't spend too long trying to teach him to self sooth outside of the cot, simply because when you then move him to the cot he has to re-learn all over again about this new place to sleep and will again be frustrated and protest about the changes.  With sleep training it is wise to keep moving forward, just as LO starts to become calmer and more comfortable with one step you need to move to the next step before they get too comfortable there or "stuck". it is key to keep your eye on the goal and keep moving forward each day.

Just sleeping on a motionless, non-human, still surface would be a good step to take for a few sleeps...you can keep a hand on him and use your hand and voice to reassure, then move to the cot and do the same.  Lots of touch and voice, picking up if very upset, putting down when calm (or totally asleep in the early days) and keeping hands on in the cot.  He will learn with your support x

We are here when you are ready.