Please suggest a sleep training for 2 yo

[Belleinfidele]

My son will turn 2 in a few days. We've always had problems with him going to sleep (always a fussy faller-asleep), but we've always found a Tracy-Hogg solution to them. Right now the problem is that it is taking so long for him to fall asleep - together with washing up, books it is 1,5 hours, with me laying down on a mattress next to his crib and singing all sorts of request songs to the tune of Frere Jacques. I want to start teaching him independent sleep, but he gets so upset when I leave, almost hysterical. In the daytime we can leave the room while his awake for most days - we explain that we are leaving, he promises to cry and scream, and then go to sleep; and he does in about 5 min. But nightime is not so good - perhaps it's the darkness, the prospect of a long night ahead alone, I don't know. But I am tired of being a hostage in his room, especially as we're having another kid (in Aug) and we need to start teaching him independent sleep.

I've been reading about wi/wo and Gradual Withdrawal... What do you think would suit best for him? He is used to be lying next to his cot, so maybe GW?

Also, we moved to a new place 2 months ago, had some sleep issues at first, but now he sleeps OK again, just that it's hard to get out of his room. How to teach a child to not go berserk if his parents leave the room?! We've never had any narrative about darkness being something one should be afraid of (we don't even say it in the negative, e.g. "there's nothing to be afraid of"; i've always said that sleeping is so nice, i love sleeping, hehe, but nothing).

I think one problem is also that I'm quite "afraid" of him - in the sense that I'm afraid of start doing these sleep trainings, because of the way he might react. So in a way I think perhaps I am too holding on to the old routine and he senses it, deep down...

Well, anyway, thanks for the floor, I will get dinner going now.

[jessmum46]

Has he ever slept independently? 

Could you post his routine?  What you are describing *could* be made worse by UT, though given his age it could also be developmental....how long has it been going on? 

But yes, sounds like gradual withdrawal would be the best bet   When you are ready though no point in trying it half-heartedly!  Try to remember that often the only way he can really communicate his displeasure at the 'rules' changing is by crying and screaming and throwing a tantrum.  The goal is not to prevent him communicating with you in that way, it is for him to realise the rules have changed, but you will still be there if he really needs you.  That will take time, but if you are consistent things will get easier.

Will look forward to seeing your routine x

[Belleinfidele]

Sure, here is his routine:

7.30-8 wakes up
9 breakfast
12.30 lunch
1.15 preparation for nap, asleep by 1.45/2
3.30-4 wakes up
6.30 dinner
7.15 washing-up, bedtime ritual (a few books and off to bed), asleep by... lately 9ish

But I'm already getting to understand something - it's my fault that I've let him stall his bedtime ritual, e.g. the books; I say 3 books, but it takes a lot of time and then usually it is one more... Now we agreed with his father that only one book and off to bed. Twice he has fallen asleep much faster, although I'm still miles from getting him to bed independently. But at least it's a step forward.

You asked if he has ever slept independently - you mean in a separate room or has he fallen asleep independently? He has been sleeping in his own room since he was 8 months old. When he wakes up at night or early in the morning, unless he get hysterical, he falls asleep on his own. And on these very rare "we have an idyllic family life" days when we leave his room during nap and he just starts to talk to himself, until he falls asleep. But he has always been very fussy about us leaving the room. Did I answer your question?

[jessmum46]

As I said before this could be developmental, but quite a number of 2 year olds will find that a 2h nap (or thereabouts) is too much now, and you may need to start cutting the nap a touch shorter.  If he's happy to go down at usual time, I would start waking him consistently at 3.30pm, and then if still bedtime issues make that 3.15, or 3pm.  The alternative is you accept a later bedtime for now, 13h days are not uncommon with a nap at this age - and let him continue sleeping as long as he needs at nap time. 

Independent sleep is falling asleep on his own, without your intervention or presence.  I'm guessing from what you've written this has never been consistently the case at bedtime for him?  In which case I would say gradual withdrawal is the way to go.  Have you seen this link? (Ignore the bits about WIWO) Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)