Author Topic: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..  (Read 846 times)

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Offline Hilal555

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sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« on: March 31, 2017, 13:44:51 pm »
hello,


I have a three month old DS (who will be four in ten days), we have been although not rigidly- implementing the EASY rountine, I have first had to get him used to sleeping in the cot, then without my swaying, now Im trying to wean him off his two hourly habitual feedings at night. we wake 7-sleep at 7, his naps are an hour long exactly (couldnt make them longer) and now after DF at 11, I do PUPD (shh-patt doesn't work with him) till 3 then try to keep him sleeping till 7. It is working I think, only he seems to wake at 6 am and its hard to get him back to sleep without feeding after that:/

another is it seems to me that he BF's are quite short.. He seems to get full after 10- the most 15 minutes each time.. So trying to wean him off night wakings I am afraid that he might be too hungry and I am forcing him to go back to sleep hungry..

and the most pressing question I have is;
I'm hesitant to go out with the baby at night, get him to sleep for a few hours at our friends while were there etc. especially after all that work in weaning him from all the above props and habits..

How much does it effect the sleep routine in general. I know they say some babies are ok with it, and for some are really grumpy for a while later, and you have to work to get them back on schedule, but am I being too hesitant, it is getting a bit boring at home, and our social life revolved around the night mostly. same goes for staying overnignt at my in laws or holidays, Im not sure what to do, how much I should try my best to stay at home. I am wondering what others experiences are..

thank you!

« Last Edit: March 31, 2017, 15:44:57 pm by Hilal555 »

Offline becj86

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2017, 21:00:10 pm »
Sounds like you may need to increase your A times to get some longer naps. Could be why you're having trouble getting LO to sleep in the early morning but having said that, a 12hr night isn't always reasonable for every baby. Its something to aim for while they're little but some never manage it and 11hr is pretty good.

I'm hesitant to go out with the baby at night, get him to sleep for a few hours at our friends while were there etc. especially after all that work in weaning him from all the above props and habits..How much does it effect the sleep routine in general. I know they say some babies are ok with it, and for some are really grumpy for a while later, and you have to work to get them back on schedule, but am I being too hesitant, it is getting a bit boring at home, and our social life revolved around the night mostly. same goes for staying overnignt at my in laws or holidays, Im not sure what to do, how much I should try my best to stay at home. I am wondering what others experiences are..
You're right, some babies will cope better than others. If you get LO in the habit of always being at home, I think going out becomes more difficult because that's not what they're used to. Some babies get overstimulated very easily and I found with mine, I needed to build in extra wind-down time away from everyone else which is a little isolating even when you do go out but its better than not seeing anyone. We did also start hosting more when DS was little. Sleep was still touch and go (more so if we were out than hosting) but he recovered ok. I remember feeling very conflicted as you describe now and in hindsight, I feel I should have gone out more - it may have been beneficial for my mental health which unfortunately wasn't a high priority for me when I'd just had my baby. I sacrificed so much of me to give my baby everything I thought he needed that in the end he missed out on more. Looking after yourself so you can look after your baby is important so have a look at that balance and honestly, missing out on some sleep here and there with opportunities to get back on track in between is pretty unlikely to be a  big problem.

Those BFs are fine so long as he's gaining weight, making plenty of wet nappies and happy in himself. Babies get more efficient as they get older and more skilled at feeding.

WRT your nights, I think if you get your day sleeps sorted, the night will fall into place better. Can you write out your day in EAS format, please?
eg.
7 - WU, BF
8:30 - nap
9:30 - WU
etc.


Offline Hilal555

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2017, 21:43:15 pm »
thank you for your reply! I guess you are right about the- mental health for the sake of the baby too- part, and I suppose it would help if we could be a bit more flexible in terms of being able to sleep elsewhere etc.

Our schedule is sort of like below, I have given up trying to be too rigid with the times, because particularly in the mornings he gets sleepy real quick, his naps in the day are an hour only, and I'm trying to make sure (for now at least) that he is really full in the day so I feed him once more sometimes in the A periods after his initial feed..

7 W, E

8.30 S (sometimes around 15 mins earlier as he gets sleepy in the morning quite quick)
9.30 W, E
10.30 S
11.30/11.45 W E
12.30/12.45 S
13.30 W E
it sort of goes like this until around 5 which he will only nap for 20 minutes even if sleepy, or else its E and A, (including bath) time till 7

7 S
11 DF
3 am feed
he wakes at 6 (has been for the past few days since Im trying to stop the hourly wakings)

Offline Katet

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2017, 23:29:54 pm »
Our schedule is sort of like below, I have given up trying to be too rigid with the times, because particularly in the mornings he gets sleepy real quick, his naps in the day are an hour only, and I'm trying to make sure (for now at least) that he is really full in the day so I feed him once more sometimes in the A periods after his initial feed..

Try to think about this differently, you haven't given up on anything, you've actually taken into account the needs of your child over following a book. Being a parent is a challenge & all the information we have is a double edged sword as it is helpful, but it also makes us feel we 'give up' (aka aren't succeeding) when we don't get a textbook routine. 

From a BTDT, so much changes over the first year, go out enjoy life, yes it might mess up a few days or a week, but you have a long life ahead.  I have memories of nights out when my boys were little, sometimes walking the hall way of a friends house with a crying baby, sometimes having to leave earlier than we would have liked, sometimes having a baby asleep, we didn't go out loads, but we did go out rather than worry about messing with routines (& our boys were never textbook sleepers) because a wise person told me parenting isn't all or nothing, it's a journey of compromise and change... which it is.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline becj86

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2017, 04:02:18 am »
I think you might find he naps better and sleeps better at night if you can keep him up around 1:45 or 2hr, especially in that first A time. You've a bit of a cycle there with him never quite getting a restorative sleep. Pushing through that initial sleepiness which at this age is probably mostly habit and using shush/pat to extend the nap if he wakes 30min in for the first few days (while he gets used to being awake longer) will have a bigger effect on your nights than any amount of PUPD in the middle of the night.

I'm trying to make sure (for now at least) that he is really full in the day so I feed him once more sometimes in the A periods after his initial feed..
This could be backfiring on you. I'd suggest you can do a topup feed say 20min after the end of the main feed after WU but try to still have a good amount of time between the topup and the next main feed so LO has a chance to get really properly hungry and takes better feeds.

Offline Hilal555

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2017, 07:24:57 am »
With his first two naps especially he gets fussy if he doesnt sleep back -for the first nap around 40 mins after waking, and the second in an hour the most..

Thank you for the advice on the topup feed, Ill try todo it that way. But regarding BF and the routine, I am wondering also (although I am aware this has probably been asked somewhere in the forum..) if as his naps are an hour long only, and he when he wakes up he acts hungry should I go ahead and feed him then keep the A time as long as possible, or just go ahead and feed him first? I'm asking as he is not really feeding every 3 hours this way, yet Im expecting him to stay sleeping for much longer in the night..

and one final question!
PUPD in the night to prevent waking, besides seeing if its habitual or erratic waking, and how long he feeds when he does wake in the middle of the night, is there a way to tell if the LO is genuinely hungry (because he does act quite so, but I'm unsure if its me being too concerned..) or just simply really frustrated because he would like to suck back to sleep at that hour?

As I mentioned now its 11pm df, 3am, and 6.30/7 am, and although LO is 4 months in a few days I am unsure if I should drop the DF or 3 am feed, even in a few weeks, or which to drop first. May I ask for a suggestion regarding this as well. I realise it has been a lot of questions underneath a different topic heading, I am sorry for that!

« Last Edit: April 02, 2017, 07:36:18 am by Hilal555 »

Offline becj86

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2017, 11:04:36 am »
When is he waking through the night?

I would just feed as soon as he wakes (providing that's possible with the reflux meds - I thought most of them needed 30mins before feed to work :-/ ) then make your A time as long as you can.

I wonder if he may still be seeking milk due to reflux - it is soothing. Also, PUPD is not a great idea with a refluxer, even if it is under control with meds. I'd try to stick with shush/pat rather than PUPD which at this age can burn a lot of calories with the crying and can make LO hungrier earlier anyway. Does he have a dummy/paci to help with the need to suck?

I think at this point, you should get your day routine sorted out before thinking about dropping night feeds - usually a 2hr A time at 4 months with feeds every 3.5-4hr depending upon nap length. Often it can be hard those first few days but it makes a huge difference if you can push those A times especially first thing in the morning. I understand you are most concerned about night sleep but I assure you, it will most likely fall into place with the daytime routine suiting him better.

Offline Katet

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2017, 21:54:57 pm »
With BF it is within normal range to still have 2 night feeds at 4mo, I think if he is waking for 1 quick feed around 3am & not lots of others then I'd be rolling with that for a bit longer.

It's very stressful to be trying to get the routine "right" only to have a baby change a few weeks later as they develop more & there are (I think) 6 or 7 growth spurts in the first 6 months of a baby's life.  ( one is around 4mo, so you could be going through that now too). As PP said if you work out the day the night should improve, but it isn't unrealisitic in a BF baby to still have night feeds particularly before 6mo.

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Offline Hilal555

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2017, 07:01:12 am »
I agree I am not thinking of stopping night feedings completely for now.

But just to confirm, so if I should feed him as he wakes, then as it seems I have to pick one for now, I'm prioritizing lenghtening his A time over the time between his feeds (as he naps for only an hour then wakes and wants to feed and wont keep wake for a whole 2 hr activity time)
and so he is feeding every two hours not 3..

but  this way I guess I will be at least Im trying to keep him awake longer, so that he tires a bit more and hopefully will nap longer gradually?

thanks once again!

Offline becj86

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Re: sleeping away from home attempt? and a few others..
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2017, 09:03:48 am »
but  this way I guess I will be at least Im trying to keep him awake longer, so that he tires a bit more and hopefully will nap longer gradually?
Yes. I would say that you need to push those A times or you'll likely fall deeper into a hole of overtiredness and more night wakings.