2 yr old back to not falling asleep on own, wiwo not working

[mommykay410]

My DD just turned 2 and has been back to having difficulty falling asleep by herself for over a month now.  It is quite frustrating at 9 months pregnant to be bending over her crib with my hand every so slightly on her back for an hour at night.  She has fallen asleep on her own for almost a year give or take a few days/weeks here and there when I end up having to help her again, but she gets back on track pretty quickly.  This time seems to be lasting forever though.  In the past month, there have been 2 nights that she has not cried eventually and I have not had to go up at all.  Some nights it is as soon as I lay her down and walk out of the room, other nights she lays down and talks to herself for a while but then stands up at the side of her crib and starts crying.  I usually give her a few minutes and then go up, but there hasn't been a night in this round where she has stopped crying on her own before I go up.  Sometimes she wants me to hold her when I go in, but most times she will lay right back down as soon as I go in and lay my hand on her back.  I have done wi/wo before at least 3 different times over the past year, but that does not seem to be working at all this time.  As soon as I pick up my hand from her back she is already popping her head up to see if I am still there, and as soon as I start walking toward the door she is immediately crying.  I still continue to walk out and count to 10 before going back in, but her crying only escalates each time, making her more tired and taking even longer to fall asleep.  There is definitely no gradual increase in the amount of time between when I have to go back in.  But as soon as I walk back in she immediately stops crying and lays back down waiting for me to put my hand on her back.  I'm not sure what else to do at this point to get her back on track with falling asleep on her own consistently.  There is no way I am going to be able to deal with this once the baby is born in less than a month, so she needs to get this figured out again before then.  I know some nights she is like this because she is OT, but it seems like there is a millisecond of a window for that lately.  Any suggestions would be appreciated!

[Haribo2012]

Hi there, goodness your back must be broken.

Can you post her day so we can see it needs a tweak?

I would prob try a bit of GW, give your back a rest, sit near her but just use your voice to reassure her.

[mommykay410]

WU between 6:30-7, usually around 6:45, but if not up by 7 I wake her
1-3 nap (If at daycare she sometimes falls asleep at 12:45/12:50, at home it's usually 1:05/1:10.  Sometimes she wakes up at 2:45, other times I have to wake her, no later than 3:25)
6:40 bath, stories, milk
7:20/7:30 take to her room and sing songs, lay down in crib ~7:40
~8:15 falls asleep

She used to fall asleep between 7:45-8 but for the past 2 months it's been no sooner than 8:15, and sometimes as late as 8:45/9 if she is OT or riled up.  IT doesn't seem to matter whether she lays down a little earlier or a little later, she still takes forever to fall asleep, whether she is talking herself to sleep or I have to be in there.  It is most frustrating when she is laying there talking to herself but won't let me leave the room, because she is obviously fine.  Today she only napped for an hour at daycare so I figured she'd be super tired by bedtime, but she didn't even yawn.  I laid her down at 7:35 and she was crying at 7:37.  As soon as I walked in the room she laid right back down and then looked up at me to see if I was going to rub her back.  I told her I would rub her back for a minute and then I was going to go.  As soon as I started to walk away from the crib she was already complaining and then crying.  And the cycle continued with her not acting like she was going to sleep anytime soon.  She finally fell asleep at 8:30 with me hovering right above her.  I tried to sit on the floor next to her crib like I have in the past, but she stood right up and looked at me whining "mommy".  The last time she pulled this at bedtime a couple months ago I was able to lay on her floor until she fell asleep, but I don't want to get in that habit because then if she wakes up at night for any reason she will expect me to be there. 

[Haribo2012]

So sorry thought I had replied.

It sounds a little like SA, you may have to just adopt the sir near the cot but every time she wants you just pat the mattress and say shush night time now and turn away, just keep repeating etc.

[mommykay410]

She is only like this when I put her to sleep.  When DH put her down the other night he laid her down at 7:25 and she was asleep within 15-20 minutes on her own and not a peep out of her all night; I had to wake her up after 7 the next morning.  In order for her to let him do her bedtime routine though I can't be in the house otherwise she will just cry for me, so I have to leave if he is going to put her to bed.  Last night when I put her down again she wouldn't even let me lay her down in her crib and attempt to walk out before she was already clinging to me whimpering like I was going to leave.  I was stuck in there until 8:30 when she finally fell asleep.  Of course now she has a cold again, so she was up crying at 10 and 1:30 because her nose is stuffy and she was coughing.  I know you aren't really supposed to do any kind of sleep training when they are sick, so I'm hoping that once this cold goes away she may be out of this phase, but not counting my chickens before they hatch.  This is the longest stretch of time that she's done this with not laying down on her own. 

[Haribo2012]

Oh poor thing colds are just a nightmare aren't they. Well I'd try and be consistent and then tackle it when she's better.
She might be anxious that the baby is on the way and that's why she's particularly hard work for you at BT.

I'd get DH to do BT, you go have a relax 

[mommykay410]

From what I've been reading, this is definitely the 2 year sleep regression in full force.     DH was able to put her down two nights but then the following night she was crying for me so I went up and put her down but ended up having to hold her until she was almost asleep because she wouldn't let me put her down.  Last night when I put her down she did lay down but as soon as I left the room she started screaming for me.  I gave her about 3 minutes before going back in.  She let me put my hand on her back but wouldn't let me sit down at all; I had to be kneeling next to her crib.  If she turned her head the other way I would sit down and as soon as she realized it she would stand right up and whine "up Mommy".  She didn't fall asleep until 8:30 with me in the room, and then was up at 11:50 crying for me.  I went in and she laid right back down so I put my hand on her back for a little and then when I thought she was asleep I left but 5 minutes later she was crying for me again.  I was finally able to leave the room at 12:45, only for her to be up again at 2:50, this time taking until 4 til I was able to leave because she kept picking her head up to see if I was still there.  When she woke up at 6:30 she was crying for me again, which is not typical because she usually talks to herself when she wakes up in the morning and I go in closer to 7 to get her.  I'm definitely going to have to do something to get her back to not having me there when she falls asleep, otherwise a bad habit is going to form real quick.  DH is putting her to bed tonight because she is way OT due to only having a 25 minute nap in the car today on the way home from a dr appt. 

[Haribo2012]

Often after the regression things just go back to normal, or she will be easier to re sleep train.

I'd prob try the kneeling next to her but no interaction and then after a few days try moving away and see if things have changed.

[mommykay410]

Well at this point things are getting worse by the minute.  Now I don't even have the option of DH putting her to bed because she just cries for me the entire time he's upstairs with her or leading up to when he comes upstairs.  And all day long she is constantly crying or whining for me to hold her.  I can hardly take a shower without her getting upset. 
And now she is waking numerous times throughout the night.  Last night she wanted to go to her bed at 7:10 and leaned to actually lay in her crib so I figured I'd try to do wi/wo, but her crying only escalated louder each time I walked out. She didn't end up falling asleep til 8:35, and then was up at 10:30, 1:00, 3:30, 5, 5:15, 5:40, and 6:20 crying each time.  It would only take 10-15 minutes for her to fall back to sleep as long as I went in, but she was expecting me to be there every time she woke up.  Tonight he tried to put her to sleep and she just screamed for me until I finally just went in and held her because I knew she wasn't going to stop anytime soon.  She ended up not falling asleep til 9:00 now, and I'm sure she will be up at least twice tonight and super early tomorrow morning.  This needs to end right now because I am due in a week and I cannot have them both waking every 2.5 hours.  I'm sure with the way things are going that she will wake up at the exact same time as him or right in the middle of a feeding and scream bloody murder until I go in to her.  I am so frustrated, I'm about to just let her cry until she exhausts herself to sleep.  I cannot keep going on less than 4 hours of sleep a night at 9+ months pregnant. 

[Haribo2012]

Sorry I've not been about work has been busy and my youngest is teething with a vengeance 

How have the last couple of days been?

[mommykay410]

Each night gets progressively worse.  Last night I tried to wi/wo but she just got louder with her crying and screaming at the top of her lungs with each time I walked out.  So I ended up being in there when she fell asleep anyways because she was clung around my neck.  She fell asleep at 8:20 and then was up at 10:30, 1:20, 5:15 and then wouldn't go back to sleep so I ended up laying on her floor with her for a while because there was no way I was letting her be up for the day at that point.  Thankfully she took a good nap at the sitter today.  But tonight she didn't fall asleep til 8:25 and said "mommy" about a thousand times, everytime I leaned back from against the crib or motioned like I was going to put her down.  After her bath now she won't even stay in her room with DH and let me go into our room to get ready for bed without crying for me as soon as I call for him to come upstairs.  I just wish I knew when the end of this will be.  I just can't begin to fathom how this is going to go when the baby is here.  Hopefully he learns to sleep through her crying, otherwise he will never get on a sleep schedule with the rate she's been crying.

[Haribo2012]

Oh dear it sounds a bit like SA, it can peak again around 2 yrs. there will be an end honestly there will just sometimes feels like it won't ever end.

The newborn will get used to noise my second sleeps through lots more noise.

[Palmira78]

Hi mommykay. I have been reading your thread with interest since I am going through something similar with SA (but I am not pregnant).
My impression is that your little angel is learning that if she shouts loud and long enough it will be you instead of DH coming. She knows that she will get her way because it is working. Everytime you give in with this, it reinforces the message. Leaving her to CIO would be very hard option... so here goes my suggestion:

For bed time only your DH goes. For the NW only DH goes to sooth her. When your new born is there that will be the case, so it is good that it happens before.
I would get (I have got) a confortable armchair next to the crib. You/your husband can sit there and put your hand in her back, or even better if you just give voice reasurance. She can cry with you there becuase she is used to something different but you can explain that this is what you/DH can give her now. You will have some tears until she gets the message, but the tears will be with you in the room and she will not feel abandoned (so this is not to let her CIO).
I agreewith Hariboo that gradual withoawal could be good and perhaps not repeat the WI.   

What do you think?

[mommykay410]

Thanks for your reply.  Last night was the worst yet...she was up at 11:40, 11:55, 12:55, 2:10, 4:25, 5:40, 6, and then 7 for the day.  When I went in at 4:25 I just stayed in there on the floor to sleep because I knew she was going to get up multiple more times and I wanted to avoid the super early waking like the day before.  I can try having DH put her down tonight and see how that goes.  He needs explicit instructions though because he has never been the one to put her to sleep like that while she is crying.  Normally she just lays right down for him and falls asleep on her own.  Unfortunately I can't have him be the one going in during the night right now because he has to work, so he needs his sleep for safety purposes as he drives all day.  I am hoping that now that I will be home with her all day again, this phase will pass quicker, but it doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon.  She is also congested, so that's not helping with her sleep either.  I think as long as I can get her to fall asleep on her own again the NW will stop.  I don't like letting her cry in the middle of the night for lengths of time because the longer she cries the more awake she gets and then it takes longer to get her back to sleep.  I especially don't need her crying loud and long when the baby is here because I need him to sleep.  Any chance she is going to just snap out of this one day and go back to falling asleep again?

[Haribo2012]

A lot of it could be developmental as there are big leaps coming up to birthdays so she may just improve. Did you give meds at any of the NW?