15 month old won't settle down to sleep w/o pacifier

[clark2016]

Hello,

First time posting on here and need some help. I've been weaning my 15 month old from her pacifier for like 2 weeks now. The problem is now at nap time and bedtime, she can not settle down, she wants to keep playing. Her bedtime routine was diaper change, change into PJs then some slight rocking with lullabies and pacifier then put into crib for sleep. We would lay her down sleepy but awake and she would pretty much just roll over, hug her stuffed animal and fall asleep. Her naptime routine was pretty much the same but without the PJs. After a few minutes she would spit out the pacifier and fall completely asleep and would not wake up looking for it and would sleep for 2-3 hours for her nap and about 11 hours at bedtime. Also, this is the only time she would use the pacifier, was during her bed/nap time during her lullabies and right before she felt asleep in her crib. Once she was asleep I would take it out of the crib so that when she woke up after her nap or in the morning she wouldn't see it and use it and she doesn't use it during the day.

When I started weaning from the pacifier there were a lot of tears the first few days but then it stopped. Instead now she just won't sleep. I could rock her for an hour and she just goofs off or if I put her in her crib she immediately stands or sits up and starts playing. If I put her in her crib and walk out she immediately starts crying. Every time she stands up I lay her down and sush/pat but she basically just lays there staring at me. What used to be a 20 minute bedtime routine (starting at 8pm, asleep no later than 8:30) is now a 1-1.5 hour routine before she eventually get so tired she starts crying and then falls asleep. To top it off, for the past 4 nights in a row, she has started waking up at 3am crying her head off, not the normal whimpers or fussiness of resettling, these are full blown screaming crying fits. She has also started waking up around 6am whereas before she would sleep til about 7:30am.

Finally last night, we gave her the pacifier at bedtime like we always used to do and she went right to sleep, no goofing off, but she did still wake up at 3am crying. Is it possible we took the pacifier away too early and she's not quite ready to settle down on her own? It feels likes like she was using the pacifier as a trigger to indicate its time for sleep now and sucking motion helped to settle her down.

Sorry for the long post but I'm desperate and any help would be much appreciated!

[ginger428]

Hi clark and welcome to BW! 

A few things stand out to me...
Bedtime/nap resistance and fussing upon you leaving
Night waking (at 3)
Eary wake up (at 6)

...Which are typically signs of too much daytime sleep or not enough activity time before sleep.

Can you post her routine like this but for both currently and what it was a couple months ago, say around 12mo old:
WU (wakeup) 7:00
NAP 1 12:00
NAP 2 4:00
BT (bedtime) 8:00

So I think this might be a routine issue and not necessarily a paci weaning one. I think the decision is completely up to you whether or not you want to wean the paci. I'm sure you've read up on the pros and cons but remember that it is your choice and there is no hard fast right or wrong. It depends on the child first and foremost, and the family's preferences (consulting with the ped when needed). If you do feel it is disruptive to her sleep as it is used as a prop, here is an article with alternatives.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=67676.0

I do suggest that if your goal is to wean it, then please don't offer it again.  It could confuse her why she can have it sometimes and other times she can't (for sleep) and cause more tears and such.

Let's see if we can resolve those NWs and EWs. 

[clark2016]

Hello - sorry it took me so long to respond, it's been crazy at work. Here is her normal routine.

WU around 7:30am
Breakfast: 8:30am
Lunch: 11:30am
Nap: 12:30pm (around 2 hour nap)
Snack: 3pm
Dinner: 6pm
Snack: 7:30pm (milk and really light snack like yogurt or cheerios)
BT: 9pm (start bedtime routine at 8:30 and asleep around 9)

A couple of notes, she goes to daycare Monday - Friday and we try to keep her schedule the same even on weekends. This has been her routine for the past 2 months. The things that have changes is we weaned her off her pacifier and once we weaned her off the pacifier she no longer takes a nap in the car ride home from daycare around 6:15pm (used to be an almost 45min nap). We figured since she was missing that nap now maybe she was getting overtired and that's why she was fighting bedtime so we tried to move her bedtime up to 8pm (start routine at 7:30pm) and that was a fail. By the time she would fall asleep it would be after 9pm. Maybe as she's gotten older she just doesn't need that 2nd nap at all so we let her go back to a later bedtime and let her play when we get home (based on your comment that maybe she needs more activity time) and it seems to be helping. She is going to sleep closer to 9pm but she goes down a lot easier.

However, we're still dealing with the issue of her waking up at 3am crying and waking up early around 6am. At bedtime I still can't just lay her down sleepy but awake because if I even walk towards the door she starts crying and that's when bedtime takes longer. The same thing when she wakes up at 3am and 6am, I lay her down (b/c she's usually standing in her crib) and sush/pat to get her to calm down but I basically have to wait until she's completely out again for her to fall asleep. I'm trying WI/WO but like I said, if I even step away from her crib she immediately starts crying.

For nap time, according to daycare she does not fight it and goes right to sleep so maybe her activities before naptime should be more draining lol I know at daycare there is a lot going on with all the kids running around compared to home where its just her so not sure if I should try more active playtime or push her naptime to later or both?

Thanks again for any help.