trying to transition to a 4hour easy/ need a realistic compromise

[Kpop]

Hi All

I have an 18 week old ( 4.5 month) LO and i have been trying EASY since almost the very beginning and continue to struggle w short naps. Here is our routine:
E/Wu at 7am ( sometimes wake up is at 630)
A 7-845
S- 845-10/1015 on a good day, bad day is a 45 minute nap
E10:15
A10:15-1215
S 12:15 to 1 -45 minute catnap
E-1
A 1-3
S 3-3:45 another 45 min catnap
she refuses to take another catnap, on the "bad days" where the first nap is only 45 minute, we can usually squeeze in a 4th catnap for 30-45 minutes
E-645  as she is getting cranky
BT is 715-730
DF at 1030

So she is mostly sleeping through the night, we worked through most of the MOTN wake ups at 4 month regression but we are doing well.  Here is my problem.  We have exhausted w2s and shush pat and it just doesnt work except in the MOTN and sometimes for the first nap.  Also, when she wakes up from these catnaps she is happy, not fussy!  I am not willing to shush pat for 1h15m for the second nap, also it doesn't work for us.  Finally at 4 months pp, my obsession with getting on EASY is stressing my marriage and frustrating myself and my husband.  The other thing is I am deligent about eat, sleep, play, so i am feeding her more frequently then every 4 hours,though i do think she could last every 4 hours, but I would have to give up EAS and transition to EASAE. is that ok and what would that routine look like?  I need some kind of "compromise."

the things I would really like are for her not to wake up before 7am, but i can handle a 630 wake up and to sleep through the night.  I can accept 45 minutes as her normal naps if thats the way she is and am willing to "work with the baby I have, not the baby I want." 

Thanks in advance
Karen

[creations]

am willing to "work with the baby I have, not the baby I want." 

It's also possible to work with the routine you've got, not the routine you want

If naps are short and you feel W2S and shush/pat are not helping to extend those naps then you can just get LO up and get on with the day.
Yes you would need to do some A time before E is due, that's totally fine by the way, EASAE, (this is actually normal as LO gets older anyway). If she feeds well on 4hrly E then you can stick to that, just adapting a bit when a nap clashes.

Having a young baby really is hard work and can be a strain on families - I really wouldn't let an EASY routine get in the way of your relationship with your husband.  Can you "let it go" a bit??
4 months is a prime time for LOs to have a sleep regression and for naps to go short, very many LOs this age have short naps, even the ones who are independent sleepers (at 4 months mine was doing about 4 or 5 40 min naps per day!)  often the regression passes around 6 months and naps become longer and more consistent again. It does of course rely on an appropriate routine to be in place too.

Looking at your current EASY I would just increase her A times across the day.
If a good day means being awake from 3.45 to 7.15pm this is 3.5hrs A which is rather long for her age and could lead to OT at BT or even passing over to the next day.  I assume that on a "bad day" with the first nap being short and another CN put in the last A likely ends up long too.
Increasing A times across the day can help to balance out some of that time so that it doesn't all come at the end of the day. It can also have the effect of helping her sleep better for naps - it sounds like she might be UT.
I see some of the A times are already 2hrs so how about increase to 2hr 15 and see how it goes? If nothing else it helps to reduce the time before BT.

What do you think?

[Katet]

Quote from: Kpop on Today at 05:57:43
am willing to "work with the baby I have, not the baby I want." 
It's also possible to work with the routine you've got, not the routine you want

This ^^^

Having a young baby really is hard work and can be a strain on families - I really wouldn't let an EASY routine get in the way of your relationship with your husband.  Can you "let it go" a bit??

And this ^^^

It's very easy as a parent to get caught up with "my child should be doing... because most children are.../ the book says that's what they should be doing"  but the reality is at 4mo your baby will be changing sleep needs every few weeks & really it's more about developing predictable routines than it is about getting the nap time "correct".

It's really hard if it is your temperament to want to get things "right" but really look at what is the definition of "right" & who chose the definition in the first place... the best lesson I learnt (took a second child to get it) is, day sleep when the adult is awake roll with it, but work on the night, if they sleep well at night then why worry about the day, just go out & enjoy life & let them cat nap around it... all too soon they will stop needing naps anyway, if that makes sense.

[Kpop]

Yes I was thinking the A time would need to increase . . . i will give it a try.  I know I need to "let it go," it's hard.  This is so selfish, but I feel like with a 1.5 hour nap I could get things done and have some "me" time, very hard to do in 45 minutes- it's selfish, I know.
Thank you!!

[creations]

I don't think it's the slightest bit selfish to want more than 45 mins break!
Tracy's EASY routine and the reason why many of us are here is based on realising that 45 mins just doesn't give us the time or break we need so we can shower, eat, nap, breath.  It isn't selfish, it's just that there are certain times or phases with babies that it's not always possible and you are in one of those phases.  Hang in there, you will get through this.
It might help to know that very many of us have gone through tricky and exhausting times with our babies, that's why most of us found our way here to the forums.  You are not alone x
Comments about trying to "let it go" are intended purely in a supportive way, that sometimes getting wound up or too focused on the routine or nap lengths can drive any of us a bit insane.  Sometimes it helps to "just accept" the rubbishy naps and get on with your day so you are not stuck in a darkened room shush/patting the day away, feeling exhausted and also resentful that the day is passing you by.  One of the things I did during this difficult phase was use the 40 min nap to prepare a bag to take out - I had to bomb around the house to do so, get the milk, the nappies, a bottle of water and a snack or lunch for myself etc etc, and then I put the sling on and literally stood by my DS cot from 35 min waiting for him to wake up. At 40 min on the dot he woke and I put him directly into the sling, walked down stairs, picked up the bag and walked out the door. I knew I had 1hr 40 before he had to be back in his cot and in that time I drove to a park, fed him there, ate my lunch, looked at trees, breathed fresh air, changed his nappy and drove home.
Sounds like a lot of drama but it was worth it, his mood was good when we were out (although he refused to sleep out and about) and mine improved.  This is an example of "let it go" and accepting the short nap and doing something nice instead of stressing over yet another short nap.

But do not say you are selfish - no no no!

[Katet]

This is so selfish, but I feel like with a 1.5 hour nap I could get things done and have some "me" time, very hard to do in 45 minutes- it's selfish, I know.

I was selfish with my children & the me time was the first part, if they slept longer then I got the things done, if they didn't then I just had to try & get them done with 1 or 2 children awake, or at night or when DH was home. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to let go of any thought of being a domestic goddess... I'd always changed sheets every week before I became a parent, once I had children, every 10 days-2 weeks became the norm. IMHO letting go is about the things you "think' you should be able to do with a baby/child around & admitting that that you can't do it all & some days you just can't even do anything.

I realised with the second that most of my frustration at naps was that I wasn't able to be a "super woman" & when I stopped trying  life got so much better. It's amazing how much less unsettled a child is walking around "tired' while you grocery shop, than they are if they have short napped & are stuck at home.

[LaraAndrea]

I went through the cat nap phase not too long ago. It lasted for ~ a month with small improvements during that time.

You sound just like me, I still get upset if I don't get a good nap. I don't always even use my "you" time very wisely, I am currently laying in bed with a book and a sink full of dishes.

Everybody here is so very helpful, they will get you through this.

The biggest lesson I have learned around sleep is AT activity time. If your baby has the right activity time it works wonders with sleep. Yes, it does need to be adjusted often, more often than you might think.

If your LO has the skill of independent sleep ( falls asleep on own) don't spend more than a few mins on resettling a short nap. That is what really drains you. If my LO wakes after short nap and she is alert and happy I do not spend anytime resettling, I take note of her AT then make an adjustment the next day.

Good luck!!

[Katet]

I don't always even use my "you" time very wisely, I am currently laying in bed with a book and a sink full of dishes.

I can't think of a wiser way to spend your you time... you will get the dishes done somehow sometime (with a child in a sling on your body is a good time) but you can't lie on a bed  with a child who just wants to be held... it's all about perspective. Learning to do chores with a baby on your body, while doing the restful stuff when you get 30mins with the baby asleep.

[LaraAndrea]

I totally agree Katet!!

I am a better mamma if I can get even a couple mins to do something for me (read, watch a silly program, do a puzzle)

[creations]

Quote from: LaraAndrea on Yesterday at 21:50:25

    I don't always even use my "you" time very wisely, I am currently laying in bed with a book and a sink full of dishes.


I can't think of a wiser way to spend your you time...

I agree.

[Kpop]

Thank you all for your kind words.  Today my LO woke up, we went to grocery store, stroller broke, left grocery store ( without groceries), went to stroller store to fix stroller, then back to grocery store and came back, LO was over tired but is now napping for prob a short while
xoxoxoxo

[creations]

Oh no! What a drama with the stroller!!
Hope the nap and the rest of the day turns out a better x