but please tell me this battle is going to end soon???
It will!
This is a typical birthday sleep regression. Many of us see this at every birthday and (unfortunately) at every half birthday. It is a developmental period and perhaps when you know that very many LOs go through this it will help you worry less even if it doesn't help you sleep more! The sleep disturbance is frustrating and exhausting but this really will pass.
Often the birthday sleep disturbance starts before the birthday (just as you describe) and continues for a while after but eventually LO will get back to their independent sleep and sleeping more soundly. It can show up as repeated call backs at BT or as NWs, also as nap time refusal. It looks like in your case it is more NWs than BT refusal. Is that right?
In addition to the "normal" birthday disturbance your LO is likely to have an understanding that you are pregnant and so there can be an additional element of anxiety or SA related to these changes she feels and knows about. Any SA requires more soothing, more reassurance to help LO regain their confidence. I will say though that even without pregnancy (I only have one child) I have experienced these birthday regressions every single year and my DS is now 6yo.
Honestly it sounds like you are doing everything you can. Yes she needs additional soothing and reassurance which you are giving, yes you are keeping in mind that you don't want to set up huge habits which are hard to stop but at the same time seeing to her need for the additional help. On the whole LOs who are given additional help through these times will go back to independent sleep just as soon as they can, once the regression is over, and it takes little in the way of weaning or sleep training because they already have that skill - so don't worry too much.
I think the only thing I could add to what you have described in how you are handling it, is that if you know she is going to cry after you leave the room (after her song and back rub) then perhaps to just stay longer, if she is settled after the 1 min cuddle and then into the cot, song, back rub, they the escalating crying as you leave is perhaps unhelpful. I think I'd probably be tempted to stay with the back rubbing but reduce down to a still hand barely rubbing, then reduce down to a hand that is close but not touching. it's your call though. If she cries as soon as you leave and then you go back in and do the cuddle, song, rub routine again this is fine but is perhaps more work for you than keeping her calm once down.
If it was me I'd probably only do the song once, or not at all. I do remember telling my DS no songs, it's the middle of the night, songs are for BT not the middle of the night but I would stay with him and rub his back or keep a hand on him until he was very sleepy or even asleep.
With regards the nap. You could perhaps try one day where you let her nap as long as she wants, there is a chance that the early NWs after BT are linked to being OT, a build up over time perhaps, and that one good nap could help her relax more at BT and stay asleep. If you've been on a capped nap at 1.5hrs for some time though and your routine was working well I would only let her nap longer perhaps once, not every day. If the longer nap messes up the night it is unlikely to be worse than you are already experiencing.
The gro clocks are great for helping LOs know if they are to go back to sleep or can wake up - but they don't prevent sleep regressions, developmental leaps, teething, SA, illness etc etc. The clocks really only work with a LO who is in full health and on an appropriate routine. This phase of sleep disturbance isn't going to be fixed by the gro clock although certainly you can bring her attention to it still being night time, which she likely knows.
Hope this helps you some - hang in there, it really will end (until next time!).
