20mo all over the place - trying to get back on track

[labrodyk]

Hello,

My 20mo, A, is just all over the place routine wise. What is worse is that she's having quite a number of nightwakings (either a couple of hours after going to sleep or waking around 5am, crying). She seems to re-self-settle quickly but in the morning she seems to struggle.

She's been having a nap at 1pm for quite a few months but this also varies considerably from 1hr, 1hr10/20 up to 2.5 hours without any real consistency. I suppose she self regulates but she is known to wake crying after 1hr and then go back to sleep. She's always taken a long time to fall asleep at night, approx 40 minutes so I'm struggling with an appropriate bedtime too as often she's waking from nap at 3/3.30pm - is 7pm too early to be asleep by 7.40/8?  Should I push the nap a little later or cap it at all?

Sorry, I'm not exactly sure on what to write other than we're a bit all over the shop.

Our approximate EASY is:

WU: 6.30/7 (used to be 7.30/8)
Nap: 1.00 (chats for a bit or cries) wakes between 2.30 and 3, or sometimes longer but I don't let her sleep past 2 hours or 3.30. Can also be restless mid-nap but seems to resettle okay.
BT: 7/7.30 at the latest into bed and then she isn't asleep (after some crying) for upwards of an hour but usually 40 minutes

NW: 9.30/10.30/11.30 - depending on when she went to bed.
NW: 5.00

Things to note:
* A has all teeth except 2yo molars
* Developmentally doing brilliantly, especially verbally - spitting out multiple words, songs, sentences.
* Gets a lot of exercise, running around
* Has always preferred quite a short WD routine before nap (say goodnight to a few things) and then before bed (into pj's after bath, a couple of books, into sleeping bag/bed, prayers and goodnight).
* Due to issues with my back, I've had to change her to a toddler bed. She was showing no signs of standing or climbing out of her cot but I can't be lifting in and out anymore. At this stage, she hasn't realised she can actually get out so has stayed in bed of a morning, bedtime and nap time. We were having this routine shakiness before bed change so don't think it's that.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!
many thanks,
Laura.

[ginger428]

Hi Laura!
For us the crying and chatting/singing before naptime indicated UT.

30-40 mins to fall asleep is typical, from hearing others with 2-3yo.

Multiple night wakes and earlier wake up times inidcate too much day sleep.
Most toddlers I know required either 5-5.5 hrs to bed at least unless they were early nappers.

Would you be willing to try nap at 1:30, up at 3:00 latest, down at 7:30?

[labrodyk]

Hi Ginger428, thank you for replying. Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. A has been absolutely miserable each day for over a week. I went back to putting her down a bit earlier and each day I've done this I've had to wake her up as she's fast asleep at the 2hr mark. I was set to follow your routine advice today but we were out and she flat out refused to nap so we had our first NND. Not ideal as she's already woken crying several times but hey! No different to any other night. Hubby and I are exhausted. What do you think we should do? I figured if she was asleep at naptime she needed it.... The interesting thing with this change in nap time is that she's only taking 30 minutes at BT and no more craziness. No chatting at nap time, quietly falls asleep.

 Wednesday 31-May
BT: 7.45pm
NW: every hour until midnight, then every hour from 3am
WU: 7.15
Nap: 12.45; 12.55-3.00
BT: 7.00, asleep 7.30

Thursday 1-June
WU: 7.45
Nap: 1.00-3.15 (had to wake her)
BT: 7.10; screamed briefly. 7.50 asleep
NW: 8.50 crying.

Friday 2-June
WU: 7.00?
Nap: 12.45; 12.52-3.00 (woke her)
BT: 7.10, asleep 7.40
NW: 11.00 - 12.00 crying out

Saturday 3-June
WU: 7.00?
Nap: 12.55; 1.05-3.00 (woke her)
BT: 7.00, asleep 7.30
NW: 9.30, off and on all night. Every hour or so.

Sunday 4-June
WU:6.30
Nap: none!! Went out and she refused to nap.
BT: 6.00 crashed out. .
NW: 6.55, crying
NW: 8.23, crying
NW: 9.30, crying
Off and on all night.

WU: 7.00 ?
NW: 1.20, cried until 1.30. 2.15. Woke crying until 2.35. I patted her back to sleep only for her to wake when I stood up
Oob at 3.00
BT: 7.00

She's also a thumb sucker and just watching her on the monitor, it's like it's stopping her from entering deepsleep, it's like she is restless for 5 minutes  (rolling findinf her comforter toy, and her thumb)  then sleeps for 5 minutes and does that over and over.

[ginger428]

I imagine her broken sleep could make her more tired than usual. 

Is she tugging at her ears at all or seem to be complaining of any pain? Her waking often in the beginning of the night and the early morning could indicate pain... we'd want to rule out ear infection.  Any fevers?

Was she independently falling asleep at bedtime before?  What are her cries like... desperate or whimper?
I notice sometimes she's crying for 10 min or more... are you there during this time? Do you pat at every NW?

For how long has the NWs been going on at this point? Some things to consider- it could be all developmental, unless it lasts more than a few weeks. It could be the start of her fears... in which case we started a night light and more cuddle time and talking throughout the day about our routine. This age was really tough for us, too... but it all did sort itself out with some patience and gentle retraining. At the moment, if she is constantly crying, there probably is something that is hurting her (teeth or gas, etc..) or she is fearful and needs your reassurance more.  If you suspect fears, please attend to her immediately when she wakes at night.  Even though she is used to a shorter wind down routine, consider adding another 5 mins or so for cuddles and using a lovely to help her feel more secure.

As for her thumbsucking... has that changed at all in terms of frequency or anything like that? Trying to rule out if her molars are moving.  That disrupted our sleep for sure... on top of all the other things. 

I realize I don't have clear cut answers but our children are never cookie cutter little ones are they? Hopefully we can figure this out or it'll pass.  Hugs until then... and try to rest whenever possible!

[ginger428]

Did a cold or illness precede the NWs?

[labrodyk]

Did a cold or illness precede the NWs?

Nothing other than a brief sniffle.

Is she tugging at her ears at all or seem to be complaining of any pain? Her waking often in the beginning of the night and the early morning could indicate pain... we'd want to rule out ear infection.  Any fevers?

No fever. We are quite prone to ear infections and she's not indicating there is any ear pain...

For how long has the NWs been going on at this point?

2 weeks now! She is quite clingy and has not wanted to go to her usual creche at church on Tuesday and Sundays just since Sunday. I have introduced the night light a week ago and we've added books, cuddles and a little chat to our wind down but she screams when I leave the room. She then settles but cries out intermittently before falling asleep - I wouldn't call it crying as much as whinging and saying "mummy". In the night she doesn't seem to 'wake' and be wide awake more just insanely unsettled with extremely frequent call/cry outs.

She doesn't thumb suck during the day at all, it's purely at sleep time. Could be teeth - who knows?! she let me look but I couldn't see any swelling, redness, etc.

Yesterday was a 30-40 minute nap and she must have finally rested last night with a wakeup that I heard at 10.30pm (crying) then I put ear plugs in (because I'm chronically sleep deprived) and didn't hear her until WU at 7am. But today's nap was at 1.30 as you suggested (she wanted me to stay with her so I did WI/WO until I realised it was delaying her actually going to sleep..) but she woke at 2.30, then dozed until 2.40. I left her in bed until 3.00.

I'm trying not go give up but everything seems to be going to pots and perhaps we've hit a bit of a loop... thank you for the hugs and words of encouragement, I really truly appreciate it. AJ certainly doesn't fit into any mould that's for sure!

[labrodyk]

1 NW last night!!! Around 1am And then woke at around 6.40am. I feel like a new person!
So...what changed and how do I replicate it!?

[ginger428]

Hooray!

The only things I see that are different is that her nap length is 30-1.10 instead of around 2 hrs and the extra reassurance you have been offering.  It really may be a bout of separation anxiety/fears, and/or a mental leap... you'll know when all of a sudden after these 2 weeks she'll speak much more or more coherently, or she has a new skill ie. jumping on two feet.

Any changes at the creche?

[labrodyk]

Not speaking too soon but tonight has been good too and yet her nap was  a solid 2 hours from 2-4pm! I'm so bad, I just don't have the heart to wake her!!
BT: 8pm, asleep by 8.30/40pm.
Could it possibly be total day length vs nap length (IE. WU-BT)? Or does the fact she now counts to 10 sign the whole thing was SA with a massive leap and I go back to our old routine?

[ginger428]

Yay for counting. =) It could be and you could try your old routine. No harm there! She will probably need some adjustments as you see nights or wake up times change as she approaches 24 mo.

Wrt the total day length- it's true. If you're okay with shorter nights, you can go this route.

Glad to hear she had another good night. =)