Author Topic: 2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE  (Read 1536 times)

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Offline eogan0622

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2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE
« on: May 12, 2017, 00:41:10 am »
Hi,

My DD turned 2 a couple weeks ago and sleep has gotten realllllly messy.  For the past 6 months or so, she's been pretty routine, save for the occasional illness/teething episode.  Her schedule has been:

6/630: WU
1-230/245: nap
730: BT

She has *always* been great about going down for bed and naps independently, and has been so easy with others putting her to sleep.  But for the past few weeks, everything has changed and I'm at my wits end! Don't know what to do, or the best way to handle her NW. 

I have continued to cap her naps at 1.5 hours, every day, and wake her up at this time.  She is ALWAYS dead asleep and seems like she could have slept another hour- but I have never let it go on for fear of messing up what was going on perfect sleeping nights- but now everything is a mess.

The worst part is, there is no pattern!  Some nights it happens right after BT and she takes 30-60 minutes to get back to sleep.  Other nights she wakes around 1030-11pm and we are in/out of the room for about 1.5 hours.  Some times it's 4/430am.  Often when she wakes throughout the night, she sleeps a little later, like 645/7.  It was about 75% of nights, now it's every night some sort of waking.  We've found the best way to handle is to take her out of the crib, telling her we will hold her on the chair for 1 minute, not talking or rubbing her back, then put her in the crib, rub her back and sing one song (HER BIGGEST REQUEST WHEN CRIYNG FOR US FROM THE CRIB IS FOR US TO RUB HER BACK AND SING SONG "ONE MORE TIME" OVER AND OVER) and then walk out. Sometimes she accepts this, and other times, she cries immediately after we leave, but eventually, she does fall asleep and stay asleep after one of these epidsodes.  Letting her cry for any amount of time makes her much more upset and harder to settle. 

I'm so scared to create any bad habits- but I haven't slept in ages- and I'm 6 months pregnant....it totally feels like a 2 year old attempting to exert her independence.  And I feel strongly about being consistent with setting limits with her, i.e. we will sing one more song and then leave, etc....but please tell me this battle is going to end soon??? 

Should I keep capping her naps?  I don't even feel like it's doing anything at this point! But still nervous to see what would happen if I didn't...

Any thing else I could do at nighttime?  We use a gro clock and she totally gets it but isn't always consistent with it.  She can explain in and gets so happy when she wakes up and it's yellow but doesnt' prevent her from waking and crying for us at 5am some days....

If anyone has suggestions for routine tweaks or NW suggestions, please offer! 

Right now, I've been keeping her nap 1-230 regardless of WU and BT at 730/740.

Thanks!

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Re: 2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2017, 05:51:24 am »
but please tell me this battle is going to end soon??? 
It will!

This is a typical birthday sleep regression. Many of us see this at every birthday and (unfortunately) at every half birthday.  It is a developmental period and perhaps when you know that very many LOs go through this it will help you worry less even if it doesn't help you sleep more!  The sleep disturbance is frustrating and exhausting but this really will pass.
Often the birthday sleep disturbance starts before the birthday (just as you describe) and continues for a while after but eventually LO will get back to their independent sleep and sleeping more soundly.  It can show up as repeated call backs at BT or as NWs, also as nap time refusal.  It looks like in your case it is more NWs than BT refusal. Is that right?

In addition to the "normal" birthday disturbance your LO is likely to have an understanding that you are pregnant and so there can be an additional element of anxiety or SA related to these changes she feels and knows about.  Any SA requires more soothing, more reassurance to help LO regain their confidence.  I will say though that even without pregnancy (I only have one child) I have experienced these birthday regressions every single year and my DS is now 6yo.

Honestly it sounds like you are doing everything you can.  Yes she needs additional soothing and reassurance which you are giving, yes you are keeping in mind that you don't want to set up huge habits which are hard to stop but at the same time seeing to her need for the additional help.  On the whole LOs who are given additional help through these times will go back to independent sleep just as soon as they can, once the regression is over, and it takes little in the way of weaning or sleep training because they already have that skill - so don't worry too much.

I think the only thing I could add to what you have described in how you are handling it, is that if you know she is going to cry after you leave the room (after her song and back rub) then perhaps to just stay longer, if she is settled after the 1 min cuddle and then into the cot, song, back rub, they the escalating crying as you leave is perhaps unhelpful. I think I'd probably be tempted to stay with the back rubbing but reduce down to a still hand barely rubbing, then reduce down to a hand that is close but not touching.  it's your call though.  If she cries as soon as you leave and then you go back in and do the cuddle, song, rub routine again this is fine but is perhaps more work for you than keeping her calm once down.
If it was me I'd probably only do the song once, or not at all. I do remember telling my DS no songs, it's the middle of the night, songs are for BT not the middle of the night but I would stay with him and rub his back or keep a hand on him until he was very sleepy or even asleep.

With regards the nap.  You could perhaps try one day where you let her nap as long as she wants, there is a chance that the early NWs after BT are linked to being OT, a build up over time perhaps, and that one good nap could help her relax more at BT and stay asleep.  If you've been on a capped nap at 1.5hrs for some time though and your routine was working well I would only let her nap longer perhaps once, not every day.  If the longer nap messes up the night it is unlikely to be worse than you are already experiencing.

The gro clocks are great for helping LOs know if they are to go back to sleep or can wake up - but they don't prevent sleep regressions, developmental leaps, teething, SA, illness etc etc.  The clocks really only work with a LO who is in full health and on an appropriate routine.  This phase of sleep disturbance isn't going to be fixed by the gro clock although certainly you can bring her attention to it still being night time, which she likely knows.

Hope this helps you some - hang in there, it really will end (until next time!).


Offline eogan0622

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Re: 2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2017, 00:39:20 am »
Hi,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response- this was very reassuring and helpful to read.  I feel like this came COMPLETELY out of nowhere so I just feel blindsided and not sure what to do!

I'm hoping this gets worse right before it gets better...as it has started to get even worse.  Now, the hardest part is BT itself and naptime as well...As soon as we finish our bedtime routine (song, rubbing back, saying goodnight), she's up and screaming.  Repeat x 10 or as long as it takes to eventually get her to sleep.  Besides going in and out, I feel like there is nothing I can do!  And therefore, BT gets pushed later....and later....

Our sleep routine the past couple days:

Sunday: (NW 2-3am)
WU: 630 am
Nap: 130-3 (took 30 mins to get her down, started at 1pm)
BT: 730*-600 (took 30 mins to get her down, eventually fell asleep around 8:15*pm)

* no NW- first time in about 2.5 weeks

Monday:
6: WU
1:30-3:30: NT (fought NT for 30 mins, put in crib at 1, fell asleep 130, decided to let her sleep longer today...)
BT: started bath time at 730 with goal of 8pm BT- cried in crib and we were in/out until 8:45

Anything you can see that I could do differently??

Offline mommykay410

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Re: 2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2017, 12:13:17 pm »
I have been posting about the exact same situation you are going through for the past week or so too, so you may want to read through that thread.  I am feeling your pain 110%, and I am past 9 months pregnant (was due on Saturday and still trucking along).  The past 2 nights have finally started getting a little better, so I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel I hope!  Good luck to you!

Offline Palmira78

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Re: 2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2017, 12:52:08 pm »
Hi there!
I found that all the suggestions already given are very appropiate. Good luck!!!
I just wanted to share some information that made me wonder if my LO was perhaps sleeping for too long. He is/was in the 18 MO sleep regression.
https://sleepfoundation.org/sites/default/files/STREPchanges_1.png

What about settting BT 1 hour later? For example 8:30. May be after the regression you can adjust it to an earlier time if you think that it is needed...


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Re: 2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2017, 18:43:00 pm »
In addition to the birthday developmenatl regression you could also be entering the phase of dropping the nap, here's a link:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=244514.0
It can be a long process so don't panic it doesn't mean she is going to drop her nap tomorrow but it's worth reading through to get ready. She's also refusing nap and BT which would indicate both could be a touch later or the nap a touch shorter.
For instance you could start the nap later but end it at the same time which helps to maintain BT. BT would then (hopefully) be easier with less resistance because although the A time didn't change she would be more tired due to the shorter nap.

Sometimes people can keep capping the nap a little at a time (only when there is a problem signalling capping is needed) until in the end nap is only 10 mins, then dropped.  Other times the nap stays long but is later in the day and BT becomes later.
You could try nap at 1.30 - 2.30 for instance. This means starting your WD later, planning for sleep at 1.30, she might be less resistant if you take her up later, and it could mean an easier 7.30 BT.

If, after the regression has passed, you see she is tired you can tweak the routine to offer more sleep.  I do this sometimes.

Palmira I like that link :)


Offline eogan0622

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Re: 2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2017, 00:41:33 am »
UGH It seems that things get better and then they get WORSE and I'm at my wits end again!!

A couple weeks ago, things were so much better!  DD was fussing a bit at BT, maybe 10 mins on and off or so, where my DH and I would go in and soothe or rub back and after a couple times she was down, and slept thru the night most nights.

But then...

It started all over again!  All week this week it takes 15-45 mins to get her down for bedtime, and EVERY NIGHT she is up 2-3 times.  *most* nights it's a quick trip in, a song, and she's right back down, maybe 1 min total...but the other night I was in and out every 5 mins for almost 4 hours.  OMG. 

I'm still capping naps at 1.5 hours but because everything is so off, I can't tell if it's good or bad.  On "good nights" I think it's working and on "bad nights" I think something has to change!  But I just can't tell if she needs more or less sleep!  She seems tired to me!  She's tired and ready for naps and i have to wake her up every.single.time.  And she seems tired at bedtime! Yawning and saying she's ready for the crib!  I don't know what to do!  I am really not willing to give up a nap- i think she's way too young and she seems to really need it to get through the day (and so do i!)

I feel like I have tried everything.  Earlier bedtime, later bedtime, earlier nap, later nap, etc. She's very perceptive and seems to really understand things, so I always try to explain and tell her "mommy and daddy are going to sleep now" etc and sometimes it suffices and some nights it doesn't.  As soon as we walk in to her cries, she lays down and says "sing one more time?".

It feels like this is never going to end..it's been the better part of 7 weeks at this point....

BT has been 7:30 or 7:45, but by the time she goes to sleep it's more like 7:45-8:30...
Should I be putting her down closer to 8:30 to start?  I wake her up from her nap at 2:30 every day (goes down at 1).
She wakes up anywhere from 6-7, usually on the earlier side. I feel like the nights she sleeps 815-615 and naps 1-2:30 she's not getting much sleep at all!

*help*

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Re: 2 year sleep regression HELP PLEASE
« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2017, 17:52:35 pm »
Whenever my DS has started to take up to an hour to go to sleep at BT i move BT. Usually I try 30 mins later rather than an hour later but I do that with it in mind that I might move it again by another 15 mins - so that it is not a long drawn out process and to reduce everyone's frustration.

I know I've said before that in the middle of the night I have told mine there is no more songs/music as it is the middle of the night and not appropriate, it will wake other people.  I would help him, sit with him, rub his back or whatever but not repeatedly to the songs. The rule has worked pretty well for me.

In terms of amount of sleep, it's about what mine was having at that age too. His nights were getting shorter and shorter as he still had a long nap and he did often seem tired. For us we had to wait until he could handle dropping the nap as he didn't do well with a capped nap but for you I would perhaps suggest capping the nap at 1hr 15 for a week and see how it pans out.  She does have the option to wake later in the morning rather than earlier so it isn't like you are waking her from every sleep.
Is the room dark enough for her to stay asleep in the early hours/morning?