2 years old - one week of difficult bedtimes!

[freewheelnat2]

My DD turned 2 last week. Until now, she has slept very well - we've followed EASY routine since she was 2 months old. She transitioned from 2 to 1 nap when she was 11 months old, her routine since she's been 13 months old has been:

7.30: wake up (I wake her up - half of the time, she is awake but quiet in her room)
1.00: nap. This was 2 hours when she was 13 months but it has been capped progressively (by me, due to her resisting bedtime). In the last couple of months, it has been 45 minutes.
8.00: get ready for bed, in bed by 8.20, asleep by 8.30 (I leave the room 8.20, she falls asleep on own).

But last week, one day, she refused her nap and climbed out of her crib. That evening, same happened with bedtime, she kept climbing out. So next day, fearing for her safety, I removed the side panel from her crib. That day, her naps and bedtime were perfect.

But following day, this pattern emerged: She fell asleep normally for her naps but she doesn't want to go to bed at night and tried various delaying tactics (one more story, go back downstairs etc). Most nights, she fell asleep with me in her bedroom as she didn't want me to leave, but eventually fell asleep after 20 minutes or so.

Her nights have been a mixed of good (no waking) and not so good (2 or 3 night waking, asking me to give her her dummy), but they haven't haven't been terrible (she's fallen back asleep quickly after I went into her bedroom to check on her/give her her dummy). On top of that, she doesn't want to sleep in her bed at bedtime (no problem at naptime) and tends to lie on the floor, until she falls asleep there. I try to carry her back to her bed but she often goes back on floor, so I leave her there (it's a thick carpet + there is a folded duvet along her bed for if she falls, she's often asleep on that section).

Today, she didn't want to go to sleep for her nap (using same delaying tactics as for bedtime), so we had some quiet time in her bedroom for 20 minutes (curtains closed, reading stories, her lying on the floor etc). She's currently out with my partner - I will update this again with how bedtime goes...

There have been changes to her usual daytime routine, in the sense that her usual nanny is off sick, so it's been a mix of my partner &  me looking after her + temporary nannies. Activities have been similar, but different people, and I am feeling a little bit of separation anxiety from her - nothing as strong as when she was 18 months and also had a couple of weeks with temporary nannies, but it's there a little bit.

I've been wondering: is it the start of her dropping her nap? But, she's going through the terrible 2s, so this may all be a part of it, her favourite mantra being "no, no, no" these days! She is also going through a lot of changes: started using cutlery properly 10 days ago, started saying 2 words sentences 1 week ago etc So it feels like it's a very busy time for her in terms of her development, so that would no doubt affect her sleep too, I don't want to be too quick at dropping her nap if it's just a temporary thing.

The last 7 days, it's been pretty much "1 day at a time", which I'm really not used to as she has been very settled into her routine since she was 2 months old (we had a few problems then, which is how I came across the baby whisperer and EASY, which fixed everything for us). So it's a bit of a surprise and I don't want to develop bad habits that will harm her sleep long term.

[ginger428]

Hi freewheelnat2 and welcome to BW!

It seems like you have a strong grasp of her development and are sensitive to her "world."
From my experience and from what I hear form other parents of 2 year olds, what you described is very common.

Many toddlers start the process of dropping the nap without actually and completely doing so until several months later. My son did the same thing and resisted nap.. I think as a test of the will as well as genuinely being more interested in doing anything but sleeping!  He returned to napping fairly well until he was about 28-30 months when he could handle a few no nap days. 

Here is an article that describes the nap dropping-
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=244514.0

I'm hesitant to suggest reducing the nap to 30 mins at this point. I would wait a couple of weeks until you find that she is not only resisting nap and bed, but she is also night waking and/or waking much earlier than usual.

Having said that, you want to maintain her independent sleeping habits as best as possible.  So be firm and loving (not mutually exclusive!).  For wanting you to be in the room, you can try saying that one of her lovies will be there to hug her, or saying something like "I will stay for 10 more kisses and then leave, but come back if you need me (and definitely go back if she asks for you) and just repeat until she is ok.  We had to try a few different approaches and do so til this day depending on what caused a minor regression- illness, SA, routine change, etc... When our now 3yo asks us to stay, we say sure, but only for a little bit and then we'll leave the light bright for you. If you need us we'll come back. Sometimes, DS will literally ask for Daddy to hold him, and we never say no. So we always go in to reassure him, we just make sure he knows it's time for bed and there's an end... 1 min, 1 cuddle, 10 kisses, etc... For water, he used to ask for it all the time so we preemptively gave it to him and if he asked we said you already had it and moved onto something else really quickly.

I don't think anything you do to reassure her is going to harm her sleep long term.  I think it fosters more trust and bonding than we realize. So, no worries at all about what you're doing to help her. And again, this is very common for 2yo.

Hope that helps!

[freewheelnat2]

Thanks for your thorough reply!

I was actually on the forum before as freeewheelnat but I couldn't retrieve my password... This forum helped me a lot when DD was 2 months old, when I had issues with naps for a couple of weeks and that's when I discovered the baby whisperer book.

So, yesterday, she refused to nap (kept her in her bedroom in semi dark with her lying on floor for 20 minutes but she didn't fall asleep), and she decided at 7.50 that she wanted to go the park (4 minutes walk). So we walked there, but she was slower than usual (because tired), and after 15 minutes in the park, she didn't want to get back home so I put her in her pushchair, she was not happy but I could see she was tired. Bedtime was a battle, but managed to change her nappy (though didn't manage to put her in her PJ!s) and she fell asleep on her bedroom floor at 9pm, in her tee-shirt. But she woke up at 3am - she had lost her dummy so I gave it back to her but then she decided to follow me back to the bedroom and climb on my bed. I was too tired to think coherently + I wanted her to sleep so I let her sleep next to me - it's the first time she's ever slept on my bed. I am now worried I have set a bad pattern (she was looking very pleased this morning when she woke up and realised she was in my bed), but I wasn't expecting this (as she has never tried this before) and wasn't really thinking about my options + I didn't want her to wake my partner up at 3am (my partner has problems with sleeping, bad sleep triggers migraines which can last up to 2 days so I'm extra mindful).

Anyway, plan today is to take her to her bedroom for her nap at the usual time, and make sure she at least has some rest for 40 minutes rather than 20 minutes like yesterday. And tonight, I will try your "I will leave but come back if you need me" tactic, rather than just stay (I have tried the lovey tactic - she has one she normally sleeps with - but this hasn't worked). And I'll bear in mind that it's just something we have to ride out and I shall look forward to her new skills developing!

Any suggestion for dealing with her following me back to my bedroom during the night? Before allowing her, I told her she had to go to her bed and I had to go to my bed, but she got upset, so I gave in - I have no problem with her coming into my bed once in a while, if she's scared or feel lonely etc BUT I don't want her to start sleeping in my bed every night!

[ginger428]

On no nap days, toddlers tend to need to go to bed an hour or so earlier than usual. That second wind is no fun and can delay BT significantly! And being OT can cause more sleep disturbance which we want to avoid.

Be consistent with her being with you in your bed at the moment since you are trying to resolve her sleep time resistance. At this age, giving in once can start a battle of the wills. For the time being, walk her back as many times as it takes being as reassuring as possible. I realize how draining it is, but it works if you can hang in there.

But there are always things that happen and when they do, I always say that it was a special thing (such as for traveling) and resume our usual routine right away.