DS hasnt eaten for 3 months

[CattyPads]

Hello

I am a bit desperate here...my ds2 (turned 2 yesterday) hasn't eaten for three months, he used to eat all his pures and blended fruit fine, then one day three months ago he pushed the plate away and that was it. He only drinks his milk morning and eve and has a couple of yogurts after we have had our lunch (I serve him whatever we are eating every day but he pushes the plate away then waits for the yogurt time).
I cant get him to even TRY anything, he goes crazy, screams and pushes the plate away.
His doctor says "dont worry it will pass" but he is so stubborn I doubt it will. He is gaining weight ok from the milk, yogurts and biscuits. His dr says if thats what he eats then give him that and dont refuse him the yogurts and biscuits to make him hungry.
But I disagree and I am fed up and tired now. I think the longer we leave it surely the worse it will get??
Please help...and thanks in adance.

[Buntybear]

Do you think it is a control thing or an actual food aversion? I guess that you all sit and eat together at meal times so he can mimic you?

Have you tried making food fun so you could try a carpet picnic for lunch for example. One thing that helped encourage Olly to eat was being in control so I used to make a big bowl of fried rice and put it in the middle of the table and then he would serve us! He loved doing that and it sounds simple but it really did help. You could put chopped up veg/fruit on a platter and let him choose himself?

What about playing with food? Play cooking with raw uncooked pasta and beans? Makes actual cakes with him?

My nephew only eats a very limited amount of food, he is 6 now, and I know how frustrating it can be 

[Lolly]

How much milk does he actually drink, how many biscuits and how much yoghurt?

If he is gaining weight only eating these things he must be having good sized portions. Could you not give him milk etc but strictly limit the amount he has and have other items cut up ready and out for him to have instead? It would be an uncomfortable few days depending on how stubborn he is, but like with everything toddler related they learn very quickly if mum is going to give in or not.

Laura

[CattyPads]

Thank you so much for replying Laura 

I think its a control thing, because he is very happy to chew etc what he actually fancies. I havent tried games etc, I could give it a go. He used to sit with us but now he refuses until we have finished our meals (I try to sit him down but he goes mental). He only sits with us when the yogurts come out.
The doctor says if that is all he eats then so be it but I personally think this needs to be tackled because the longer we leave it it will get worse.
He drinks 270ml in the morning and 270ml at night, a biscuit mid morning then 2 or 3 petit filou little yogurts at lunchtime. Mid noon he will have a bit of dry cereal (no milk, he used to have it with milk but now it grosses him out, sigh).

I was planning on going cold turkey, if you dont eat then there is no yogurt, same for his afternoon snack, and just keep offering him what the rest of us are having until he cracks. Its just crazy how he will only eat milk, yogurt and biscuits, and bread sticks now and then. Oh and crisps. What do you think to that plan?

oh we also tried making a big deal of DS1, he eats really well so we praise him and give him a treat or whatever but he doesn't seem interested. In fact he doesn't seem interested in food AT ALL.

Sorry for the long post, I am desperate here.

[jessmum46]

Hugs, sounds like a really tough one for you to be dealing with day in and day out.

A really helpful perspective that someone once gave me was that toddlers have very little control over what goes on in their lives.  What goes in and what comes out are pretty much it, so it's not surprising those are perhaps the two biggest battle grounds for us as parents.  What I would suggest is to try your utmost to make it a non-issue.  I don't know if you've come across the division of responsibility model, but to paraphrase horribly it's basically your job is to provide access to a healthy nutritionally balanced diet, his job is to eat it.  You can't do his job for him, so it's almost about relaxing into your side of the bargain and accepting that he will, or won't, stick to his side.  Kids will not willingly starve themselves if all else is well (I'm assuming here that there are no other issues, medically or developmentally that could be playing a role).

I don't think his milk intake sounds excessive for his age, though probably wouldn't offer more than that.  I would probably decide on some rules and stick to them regardless of tantrums, screaming or refusal.  My suggestions would be that everyone eats together at the table, food doesn't happen anywhere else (for now). He's two, he doesn't get to 'refuse' to sit with you!  Food happens at meal times or planned snack times only.  I would offer him the same food as everyone else, perhaps offer a good variety on a plate to see what might tempt him.  My kids love 'picnic' meals - chees, meat, bread, crackers, fruit, etc all on same plate.  Allow yoghurt but only one small size one at lunch or dinner.  Not several or at every meal.  If he screams, refuses or throws food, calmly tell him 'it looks like you've finished' and get him down.  If he chooses to come back before meal has ended for everyone else, let him but present the same options again.  If the meal is over, it's over and he needs to wait for next designated meal or snack time.

I also didn't restrict 'pudding' - so no 'if you don't eat x you can't have y'. I decided in advance what was for the main meal and what was for after.  Kids had what they wanted of main, then had pudding after.  But not an alternative or extra pudding to make up for lack of main if that makes sense?

 I would anticipate a lot of resistance initially but kids crave rules and boundaries, and I think if he sees you are really serious then he is likely to comply pretty quickly.

Good luck!

[Lolly]

There's a post on here about fussy eating and I know some mums are part of a Facebook group linked to the ideas. Have a look


https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=270235.msg3037721

Personally I wouldn't go cold turkey but I would reduce the amount of milk and yoghurts, milk is very filling. He is having more milk  than he needs, for me 150ml would be a reasonable amount so may drop to 240ml one day, 210ml the next etc until you get down to that (or an amount you feel is ok). I would have things like bread and butter or toast fingers, cut up bananas, apple slices etc on offer for him. I think though that there needs to ben comment on what he does or doesn't eat from anybody or the praise and rewards for his brother. He's too young to understand the reward part anyway which is why he doesn't seem interested.

Have a look at the thread and see what you think.

Laura

*posted with PP*

[We Three]

 Sounds super stressful!!!  For me, I would not go cold turkey either. I would offer him a dish with some yogurt on it, and also a few other things and leave him to it.  Like maybe, some yogurt in a dish, and also like pp said some pieces of waffle or a healthy muffin, some diced fruit and a bit of dry cereal. That way you're giving him what you know he will eat, but also putting some other things on the dish also. And as hard as it is, I wouldn't comment. Easier said than done I know! I'd sit with him and I would eat too...and chat about the day, etc.  If mealtimes have gotten stressful, I would change the scenery like pp said.  Or you sit at HIS table if he has one.  I would have zero expectation that this would be effective at first, but over time if the stress and expectation is gone, you may see a shift.

 Another thing I would try is to look at what he DOES eat, and try to expand along similar lines. For instance if he eats toast, I would try french toast, (make it in the pan, then pop into the toaster for familiar texture.)  If he likes butter on his toast, try it with apple butter. Let him dip!  Dips really appeal to some kids.  My dd used to refuse raw carrots until I cut them up tiny like matchsticks....go figure.     She also at one point refused the oatmeal in HER bowl, but would gladly gobble it out of MY bowl.  Sometimes presentation really does matter!

[Erin M]

I agree with the above posters.  My ds was at a point where it was pretty much just yogurt, cereal, milk, crackers, and fruit.  He's expanded slowly and still isn't a spectacular eater but will eat more foods and is finally willing to try things without gagging and throwing up. My older two girls were marginally better at that age but are wonderful eaters now (10 and 12).  Hugs, it really is very stressful.

[*jazzberry*]

I just wanted to check, are you offering him solid food? I noticed in your post that you said he is refusing his purées and blended fruit.. he is quite old for purees so wondering if there was a reason for that?


Many hugs to you, I have a very fussy eater who is now 10 and although he is much better than he was we still struggle. It's not easy x

[Katet]

My DS1 was a limited eater. Although it didn't surprise me as both DH & I were apparently "picky eaters".

I came up with a rule (for me) when they were younger & I was getting stressed over food.

Breakfast wasn't really an issue as he would eat cereal. Snacks weren't really either, it was mostly lunch & dinner.

I do think by not giving him the yogurt until the end of the meal you feed his desire to not join the family meal. So if you are going to feed him that anyway, give it to him when you all sit down & at least encourage him to be part of the start of the meal rather than the end.

So what I did was decided the plate needed 5 things on it. 1-2 I knew would be eaten, 1-2 maybes & 1-2 that were a no way.  I would offer all the food on the plate all at once even if it was something like yogurt which would by society be an end of meal dessert. So for your DS I'd do a plate with a yogurt, a biscuit & a bread stick & then say a few small pieces of cut up fruit (made in a fancy shape) & a small piece of protein.
Every day I'd serve it up saying you can choose what you eat, just leave what you don't want to eat.  I'd (like the PP) only offer the one yogurt and clearly say "you can have another one at  - next meal"  Next meal I'd offer much the same, but maybe (not ideal) offer the crisps for variety.

  The idea I worked on was one I'd read that some children needed to be exposed to foods 20 times before they would try it... well for my DS it was more like 200 times (I can laugh about that now)  Then I had to keep my cool, like really keep my cool. lots of "yes I know you don't want to eat that" & deal with the emotions but not the food.

Another thing that did help too was to have taster plates in the middle of the table for us to all pick from, rather than a ready served plate, I still find that my children eat more salad & veg that way than they do if it is served all at once on the plate.

he used to eat all his pures and blended fruit fine, then one day three months ago he pushed the plate away and that was it.

I do wonder if you kept him eating baby food for too long & that got boring so he kind of lost interest.

Another trick I had a friend do was to have a small table near where her child played & at snack time she'd just put a couple of containers there with not comment & just see what happened... she always put something she knew they'd eat & something different, about once a week it was a total treat food (that always got eaten) It was interesting when my children went over there as they'd also try things that wouldn't here just because it was different.

[CattyPads]

Hello

Thank you all SO much for your replies, I appreciate you taking the time to help me.

In response to your questions, yes I have been offering him solid food for quite a while now. As for the yogourt amount as he doesnt eat anything my DH will give him 3 or 4 little yogourts to make up for it.

Today I didnt give him any snacks whatsoever all day and he ate a bowl of pasta (the only thing he actually eats but he had given it up too). For dinner I had a little breakthrough, I put his little bread sticks on a plate and a little cheese triangle next to it and he actually tried it!!  he didnt like it and he didnt eat anymore but he kept glancing at it with interest. So I think I will do the little platter with may things like you suggested, for example whatever we are all eating plus bits that he likes like a breadstick?

I have a couple of questions...
I agree that he is 2 and he doesnt get to decide if he sits with us or not, but what do I do when he lesves the table (he sits on a normal chair, not a high chairs with straps) put him back in the chair over and over, let him scream or what?
AND
When you said give him his dessert, he always refuses his food and waits for his yogourt, so wouldnt that defeat the purpose of the whole thing?

Thanks again!

[Lolly]

A bit of progress! That's great!

I would keep putting him back on the chair, or get a booster that fits onto a chair with a strap. You do need to make sure he isn't too tired though and hungry, at that age both of mine ate earlier than DH and I as he got home too late for them. I sat at the table with them though. I would clear away all toys and make sure all TV etc is switched off so there is nothing more interesting to do than sit together. He may have screaming fits for a few days but if you want him at the table with the family he has to learn to stay. Maybe try a timer with him so he sits for 10 mins and build it up from there once he is eating better.

With the yoghurt, if he is used to having 3 or 4 you just give him 1, so he is getting the yoghurt he likes but isn't filling up on it, then when it's gone that's it - no more only the other food on offer.


Laura

[CattyPads]

Thank you, I will keep him at the table regardless of what it takes (I am starting too see this as a battle, a battle that I WILL win lol).

Should I put the yogurt on the platter with all the other things, all at the same time?

[Lolly]

Make it a fun battle though, you don't want to set up an aversion! Keep it light hearted, encourage and praise him for sitting and don't keep him there too long to start. If there's going to be a battle I find it better to end it on a good note so he has positive feelings, and end it on my terms so it's my choice. Distraction and diversion usually work well - in this case you are diverting him with nice bits of food for him to try.

I would put the yoghurt with the other foods, if he will sit for that you are onto a good start as he's already sitting at the table. Keep him distracted with chatting too - meal times are when we talk about our days or our plans!

Good luck!

Laura

[Katet]

When you said give him his dessert, he always refuses his food and waits for his yogourt, so wouldnt that defeat the purpose of the whole thing?

I would give him dessert as part of the meal. Put it down at his spot as a "starter" when the rest of you sit down. then provide other food.  That way you get him to the table. Then teach him to "ask" properly to get down & then initially let him, after a few days ask him to sit a moment longer (10 seconds)  then build on that over weeks & months.