2yr old routine? Tons of BT resistance!

[JennVanessa1083]

Hi!

Question: DS has molars under the gums but no cutting. I am in a cycle of 30-1hr BT resistance and shorter nights but then he sleeps for naps no problem for 1.5-2hrs long. He asks to sleep in random parts of the day but I'm not sure if he's OT, UT/OT, or just a regression with a sprinkling of molar pain.

Sleep and EASY is all over the place...what's a typical EASY for a newly turned 2 yrs old?

I'm soooo lost!!!

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.what's a typical EASY for a newly turned 2 yrs old?

this doesn't help you at all but in my experience the typical sleep routine for a just turned 2 year old is - totally off track!!
Your LO sounds totally typical to me.

It will pass. Hope others can help you more!

[JennVanessa1083]

Lol well at least this is "normal." Yea it's hard to gage if he needs a tweak. I know he tends to nap better if he sleeps between 5.75-6A but bedtime is one big hot mess lol

[JennVanessa1083]

I still have my DS fighting bedtime for an hour 🙄 By the time he falls asleep it's 6A. He still has NW too. Any advise?

[Katet]

The bedtime resistance probably has nothing to do with the EASY, at 2yo they can cope with a fair amount of flexibility. It's more about the "cup full" activities they have with their primary carer.  If he's in daycare then the resistance is possibly about not enough quality (what he wants not what you think he needs) time. I know with my boys one needed the cuddles & story time & the other was the play & active involvement, give them the opposite & they became far more "needy" particularly at bedtime.

[JennVanessa1083]

He isn't in daycare...he's at home with either me or DH depending on the days. DH is a teacher so he has off for the summer and I work PT 3 days a week.

So how long are the days for 2 years olds? Like if DS doesn't nap until say 6-6.5A then naps for about 1-1.5 hours when is bedtime?

Example of today:
WU 7:30 am
S 2-3/3:30 pm
BT ?

He gets tons of activities in General unless he is just that energetic or starting to drop his nap?

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Mine couldn't have coped with any flexibility on sleep times when he was 2yo,. very much into routine - of course that doesn't mean we didn't have BT resistance, birthday developmental phase and the molars caused huge problems but put those aside what he really needed was consistency, a very predictable routine.

You didn't say what time he finally went to sleep at BT, I am guessing 9.30 based on the 6hr A time you mentioned.  9.30pm is certainly too late.  How about cap the nap, how does he do with capped naps?  So many LOs adapt well to it, 1hr, of if this is already common reduce to 45 min or 30 min.  I'd really try to keep BT no later than 8pm but that's my personal limit on BT. I know when mine went through the 1-0 his nights went low, really low, like 9 hrs or less.  A 10 hr night with the nap in place is probably not too bad really until he's ready to drop the nap.
FWIW mine pretty much thought he was ready to drop the nap at 24/25 months but he wasn't, it took him a while of nap resistance and/BT resistance to finally realise that he wasn't that happy and he then went back to accepting nap and night time well for a few months.  So, this blip around the birthday, it is quite normal and can look like the 1-0 drop but the final nap drop might not happen for another 6 months.

Sorry there's no clear answer - I'd try capping the nap shorter as it works for mos even if not mine.

[JennVanessa1083]

Yea I definitely think DS needs the nap bc he sometimes wakes up crying and is definitely more snappy.

So what would be a good starting point in terms of routine? I definitely thinks he thrives best on one. I would looks bedtime no later than 8 pm. 

[Katet]

With flexibility I didnt word that well I more meant that there  isnt a one size fits all. I had children who were early risers one was LSN so while one would wake 6/6.30 nap 12 to 2.30/3pm & bed 7.30/8pm the other would wake 6am nap 12-2bed 8pm... if I was lucky... he pretty much only did 10hours at night except on a Friday when he dropped his naps at 3yo  and he did 14 hour nights lol.
 
I think to get a better bedtime you possibly  need to make the nap earlier and shorter as it sounds like hes probably averaging 12.5hours sleep so  with a 7.30am wake up to have an 8pm bedtime you probably gave to cap at a 1hour nap. 
In one of the BW books Tracey talks about how sometimes the reason a child won't  sleep is we are expecting too much sleep in the day/night or total.... I know  until I worked out DS2 was low sleep need that was a problem for us.

[JennVanessa1083]

That definitely makes sense in terms of not one size fitting all. I find my DS definitely being on the low end of average but still average if that makes sense.

Sorrry! I meant a 8 pm BT with a 7 am wakeup since the most he ever does these days is a 10.5-11 hour nights but lately it has dropped to 10 hour nights due to bedtime resistance and what I imagine OT stuff.

So if I want a 7am-8 pm day, where does the nap fall and for how long?

I so appreciate the great insight!!!

[Katet]

If he manages a 6 hour A time id have it so he wakes up by 2pm so hes tired enough for bed so if he does 11 hours at night then probably 12.30pm and cap it at 1.5 hours

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how does he do with capped naps?  So many LOs adapt well to it, 1hr, of if this is already common reduce to 45 min or 30 min.

This.  I'd leave the nap start time where it is and cap it at either 1hr or 45 min or 30 min depending on how long he has been napping recently, so it's a 15 min drop on whatever he is used to.  this gives a shorter nap plus increased A time before BT. Both those things ought to help reduce the BT resistance. Take into account at this age the phase of birthday developments can last a while causing BT resistance anyway - so it could be later than ideal for a while (maybe 8.30 by the time he settles) but as the developmental phase passes he may resist less and get to sleep for 8pm.
The reason I would start nap at the same time is based on my own DS and many others I've seen on the boards who totally refuse a nap any earlier than their needed A time.  You're already starting the nap at 2pm and I suspect you would have been starting earlier if you could possibly have done so.
My DS's nap also started at 2pm and there is no way he'd have take a nap a minute earlier.

There is another option - to introduce a NND (no nap day) once per week or even once every 2 wks. Some people find missing the nap once means the routine with on the nap days stays on track for several days (or 2 weeks) afterwards due to the additional level of tiredness.  If you think this might suit your LO then maybe give that a try.

Some different options there for you to think about. You know him best so you can decide which you think is most suitable to your LO.

[JennVanessa1083]

Great advice!

Ok so he's been averaging 1.5-1.75 in naps. Here's the monkey wrench. I just saw inside his mouth and he's cutting one of his 2nd set of molars! Could definitely be contributing to the sleep chaos. So should I cap the nap consistently at 1.5 the do bedtime at 8?

So:
WU 7 am
S 1-2:30 pm
BT 8 pm?

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I would try that yes. If though he seems super tired I'd be ready to be flexible with the nap (getting longer if he's totally flat out) and grit my teeth expecting a late and horrible BT if he ends up having a very long nap, simply because with molars coming their sleep can be horribly disturbed and sometimes I felt it was better to let my DS just go for it and sleep a long long nap because I knew he was in pain and having horrible painful nights.
For the basic aim in terms of routine though, yes, what you've said above.  And if needed in some days/weeks cap another 15 min earlier.

And meds for those teeth!  Do you have a bed wedge to elevate his head? It can help to reduce the throbbing pain of teeth.

[JennVanessa1083]

Ok great! I will try that. Last night was much better with the new tweaks. No fights at bedtime 😌He had some painful NW but slept in. Now he's taking a long nap. I agree with letting him catch up bc these molars seem to be getting more painful as one is cutting and the others are right there 😣

We are giving him meds which help to an extent. We also started applying some teething gel and that seems to help him settle a little bit faster. I was actually considering buying a pillow for him since in general I think he likes to be a little more elevated. I had a crib wedge when he had a bit of reflux. Is that the same thing?