Author Topic: 11 month old-HELP! multiple issues  (Read 1624 times)

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Offline MSinclair

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11 month old-HELP! multiple issues
« on: August 10, 2017, 21:07:28 pm »
Hello! We have an 11 month old spirited boy and are dealing with multiple issues. We aren't sure where to start and are confused if we start EASY schedule as one step or do it in conjunction with another....
a few details: I would like to completely wean him from breastfeeding in a month, at 1 year. We have tried multiple sleep strategies non of which have worked for naps, but CIO worked for nighttime until teething and visitors came. Things just got worse after that...

Issues:
1. Nursing to sleep for naps and bedtime. He will scream and fight me for 30 mins before finally giving up and falling asleep in my arms. He fights me harder than my husband but I know it's esssential to get him on the EASY schedule. He just doesn't seem to be adjusting well to not nursing to sleep...
2. Won't sleep in own bed at night.
3. Won't sleep in own bed at nap time. Has never been been able to do this.
4. Comfort nurses at night. I have no other way to calm him down enough to get back to sleep...

Please help 2 very tired and overwhelmed parents out.TIA

Offline creations

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Re: 11 month old-HELP! multiple issues
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2017, 08:50:59 am »
Hello and welcome to BW forums :)

Are you familiar with the EASY routine and BW ethos?  Have you read any of the books?  That would be a really good starting point if you have not yet familiarised yourself with the idea.

We do not agree with CIO or CC of any sort and these would not be methods we could support you with at all. Please see these links:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=19710.0
As you have use a CIO method for sleep training at night I would recommend reading this link about regaining trust of your LO
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=126141.0
Depending on what you have done since CIO was used you might consider a phase of regaining trust - BW methods for sleep training are entirely based on trust, trust that a parent will return and respond *every time* he needs you with no delay.  The methods are going to be hard to employ (or not work) if trust is broken.  Perhaps have a read and give it some thought.

We can certainly support you with your routine and respectful sleep training methods here if you feel ready.
In addition to the above links I think this one could be useful for you, Pantleys no cry method for weaning nursing to sleep and throughout the night, also for weaning co-sleeping, there are different parts to the link, it would be helpful to get a general idea of all of it and then adapt the method to suit your own circumstances:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0
Pantelys methods work very well alongside BW and I would suggest this as a slower and more gentle way forward at least in the early days and particularly as there may be some trust issues impacting your LOs sleep.

Whilst you have a read of those links and familiarise yourself with the EASY routine could you also observe over the next few days and write down exactly when your LO eats and sleep, how long the activity time is - this is the first stage of introducing EASY.  You can then post the EAS times here and I will have a look for you and can then hopefully suggest a suitable routine and help with your goals of independent sleep and weaning BF.

There are also lots of other FAQs on the site you can have a read around - the more you know and understand about the methods the better your experience will be when you begin.  This is unlikely to be a "quick fix" but rather a long term solution.  I think of independent sleep as a gift you give your child, it can be hard work but it is ever so worth it.

I hope this helps.


Offline MSinclair

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Re: 11 month old-HELP! multiple issues
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2017, 14:48:37 pm »
Thanks for the reply. Yes I'm in the middle of reading the baby whisperer but haven't finished it yet.  Thank you for the links, I will check them out and try to find solutions there. Before the baby whisperer we tried a different sleep training method by a different author. That book advised interval checks of 5, 10, 15 for an hour until baby falls asleep. That's the cio method we used and have chosen to not continue with for multiple reasons, trust being one.
I tried starting the EASY solution from the day we brought him home but after months of weight gain issues a lot of accidental parenting happened that I haven't been able to recover from. He is VERY strong willed and stubborn in his ways. I'm trying to stay optimistic and strong but I'm feeling more confused and inadequate each day.

Schedule we are trying to implement but are struggling to do because of wanting to nurse to sleep...
E- 7:00am wake & breastfeed
A-  play, 8:00 breakfast, wind down
S- 8:30/9:00 (starts rubbing eyes at 8:30)
Y- shower/get dressed for day

E- 10:30/11:00 wake & breastfeed
A- get dressed and go out for daily Activity
S- 2:00
Y- clean house

E- 3:00 wake & breastfeed
A- play time, dinner 6:30, bath 7:00, bedtime routine:pj, books, nurse
S- 7:30/8:00
Y- wind down

Currently waking up 3x at night starting around 11:30 pm
« Last Edit: August 11, 2017, 14:58:33 pm by creations »

Offline creations

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Re: 11 month old-HELP! multiple issues
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2017, 15:13:59 pm »
Please please don't feel inadequate.  Parenting is hard enough without any additional bad feeling of Mummy guilt.
We are very happy to support you here, and always here if you need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on.

Could you let me know how old was your LO when you tried the timed controlled crying method and for how long?
Have you fully returned to feeding to sleep and co-sleeping to rebuild the trust bond? And if so for how long? (you may not need to follow the regaining trust link, however it could still be a really useful method to use as a step towards independent sleep for your LO so I suggest you still have a look)

You mentioned weight gain issues, are these resolved now, are there any health issues remaining such as allergies or reflux?

I'll give you a chance to read those links and see how you feel about the methods.  The gentle weaning from nursing to sleep and through the night and co-sleeping seems it will suit you better but it is not the only option. At this age you could use the BW PUPD method if you feel this is more appropriate, this can involve a great deal of crying and resistance (because the sleep habits change very suddenly) and you would need to stay with your LO throughout so it does need great patience from you but it can also be a quicker method.

Your LO can learn to sleep independently. This is obviously a tricky time for you but you will get through this and you will feel so much better once you get yourself some better sleep.


Offline MSinclair

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Re: 11 month old-HELP! multiple issues
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2017, 16:03:51 pm »
We loosly tried it around 6 months old but weren't consistent enough. Tried again At 10 months old being very consistent. Tried for 3 weeks, took to nighttime after 3 days but never took to naps. Once he started teething and we had a string of visitors everything fell apart.  That was about  4 weeks ago.
Since then I have continued to nurse at every nap, bedtime and night waking. I have been sitting in rocker holding him for naps and bringing him to our bed at night.
The weight issues resolved after 2 months old but it took me months to recover emotionally. Fear he was hungry I would always nurse immediately at any cry. He is healthy and eats great now.

I read through the links and found them helpful, thank you. I will try the gentle removal plan and start with regaining trust and then the nighttime sleep , then naps. Doing Pu/Pu since he's older.

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Re: 11 month old-HELP! multiple issues
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2017, 17:41:27 pm »
Good luck - let me know how you get on :)