Help please! I'm feeling lost.

[MelanieD]

*pu/pd successfully to extend a nap that should say.

[LaraAndrea]

Hugs!! I totally understand how you feel. I used to get near crippling anxiety during nap time, I couldn't do anything around that 30 or 40 min point as I waited and worried that she would wake early. I would be crying more than my babe. I know you are trying to do the best thing(s) for your baby and yourself!!

How long has she been pulling up to stand... That is another one of those exciting milestones that can mess with sleep. Can she get down on her own? My LO would do that... Still does when UT... Occasionally if very OT and has become hyperactive.

If my LO decides to play in crib after PD I let her, I only intervene if she starts crying. There is no evidence to suggest that a little fussing alone will harm. It is the crying alone that can break down trust. It is also considered normal for a baby to take up to 20 min to settle on own. This is easy to forget if you have been dealing with OT baby that passes out quickly.

Another interesting thing many babies do is a short abrupt cry out almost like a last hurrah right before they settle down. If you know you are prob to responding very quick to fussing. Try counting to 30, then reassess. Crying tends to escalate, fussing is often monotonous.

Have you ever used shush/pat?? Less crying involved in shush/pat... But by the time my LO was that age it became shush touch (tummy or back)

Don't be ashamed of feeding or laying with your baby if they need you, or if you need them. We have all done it. Be proud that you will do whatever it takes to help your baby through tough times.

I know separation anxiety can be strong at this age. I honestly don't know much about it or the recommended methods.

Sometimes we can try everything and things still don't work out how we hope. I struggled so much with that. Babies do not follow our logic or any logic at some points. Babies know nothing about our methods or theories.

Although we hold ourselves to much higher (often unrealistic standards) during the rough stretches all that matters at the end of the day... Is your baby fed? Does your baby have shelter? Does your baby have love?

You have succeeded

[MelanieD]

Thank you for your support. I appreciate it more then I have words for. I have night tried shush pat but I do "shush" and lay my hand on her (which she typically grabs and moves around). She's been pulling to stand (even in a sleep sack) since 5 months and a couple days. Yes she can get herself back down without a problem. I know the monotone fuss you are talking about. Should I be sitting in the room during this? Should I be putting her back down to lay? When she wakes up at night she immediately stands- sometimes before her eyes are even open. I know I go in as soon as she is standing (otherwise I watch her on the monitor). Suggestions?

You see why I'm not sure if she is over or undertired? She will be falling asleep in my arms and the moment she hits the crib it's like a jolt of adrenaline. She's ready to play. After she winds down in bed she usually needs to see me or feel e to fall asleep. She does have some separation anxiety starting- during the day I notice it now.

I'm just not sure what my next move is. At this point I would bring her into bed if I thought it would work- but that's not a long term solution. She is so active and so happy- I hate that I'm so focused on her sleep. I feel like I'm missing out on this time in her life because I'm so stressed about her sleep. I'm just so exhausted.

[LaraAndrea]

I would leave the room and let her play until she falls asleep on her own or cries requesting your help. Send her a message that crib time is sleep time. If she thinks she can play and mammas there she is probably thinking it is just extended play time.

It is so sweet when they fall asleep in your arms
But often times if they are already asleep when you put them down and they jolt or other early sleep settling and they realize "I am not in Mama's arms anymore" it can throw them off as to how they got there.

How is she if you put her down drowsy but awake?
 It does seem like she may be getting used to your touch/presence and is not settling herself. If that is the case I would suggest some gentle sleep training.

[MelanieD]

I do put her down drowsy but awake (the exception to this is when I'm nursing her overnight she frequently is very sleepy during this time and might not be fully awake). She will either complain or play when I put her in the crib- and if she is over tired or under tired she reaches for me even when laying. She is definitely used to my touch.  When I initially started EASY and did PU/PD I was reassuring her with my hand. Last night I settled her for a couple minutes with my hand on her chest and then removed it and stood near the crib. I've realized she is now into rubbing the crib or the mattress to settle- and also pulling/scratching her ears to fall asleep.  When she  VERY drowsy (almost asleep) I can walk out of the room while she sends herself to sleep.  But I have not been able to leave the room entirely while she is settling without her crying.

It is sweet when she falls asleep in my arms but the only time I've done that recently is when I tried to wear her in the carrier yesterday to try and get a cat nap out of her when she has had 2 really poor naps (35 min each) earlier in the day. This is the 0exception and not the rule- but the only thing I can think of to try and head off the overtired 5am wake-up (which it did not help)!

The only sleep training I've done is the pu/pd and introducing EASY. how could I sleep train this next part? i'm all for it.  Last night I took your advice and I did not run in with every sound she made. I noticed that she makes many noises at night- almost sounds like one loud cry. I'm not sure if this is in between sleep cycles or because she was definitely over-tired. But it did not wake her fully up and she was able to resettle without standing. I was so proud of her! She only needed me to settle her once at 830 and feed her twice before she was getting up at 530 (overtired). I was able to resettle her with some work until 6:15 wake-up.

[MelanieD]

I will definitely let her settle on her own in the crib this evening.  I think I just needed permission for this- I wanted to make sure that it would be okay for her.  When she cries- should I go back in, settle her, and then leave the room again? like PU/PD but not standing next to the crib?

[LaraAndrea]

I am so glad you are seeing some progress with her settling herself at night. It is amazing what these little humans can do.

I know what it feels like to need permission or reassurance. Sometimes I know the answer but I need to hear it from someone else that has been there.

PU PD is often used to break a sleep association or start out with sleep training, but you may be able to move to a gentler approach as PU PD can have some hard crying.

To be honest, you are right there now. PD awake, allow her to try to settle on own (my LO would kick her legs, scratch mattress all sorts of strange things), if she starts to cry start with "shush" (touch/rub) until she calms down, then slowly try to retreat. If it starts up again resume. Only PU if crying escalates.

Be brave! Letting her fuss a bit is ok. If it is killing you to let her fuss. Count to 15 before interveening, then next time count to 30 and so on, as long as the fussing does not turn into crying.

To be honest sleep training is just as hard or harder on parents than babies.