Nearly 2YO and never slept through the night

[SusieQue]

Hi ladies, I write this in the hope of finally being able to get some help with DS2's sleep. He had a brief stage at about 7 months old of sleeping through the night but that all stopped at around 10 months and now he nearly 2 in November and we've all reached breaking point. I know we have created a number of problems ourselves by just doing whatever is necessary to get him back to sleep with minimal fuss so as not to wake DS1 but my husband is now talking about changing jobs as he just cannot carry on with so little sleep,so I know something needs to change but I'm just not sure how.

So, his rough EASY looks like this:

Wake 5-5.30am
Nap 11-12 or 12-1pm
Bedtime 7

He used to nap in his bed, no problems going to sleep on his own, but in the last couple of months he just cried to be picked up so now he naps in the pram. He's definitely low sleep needs, any longer than an hour nap and he's a nightmare at bedtime.

So, at bedtime we give him a bottle of milk and i or DH sits in the chair with him until he falls asleep and then we put him in his cot. If we put him into bed awake he rolls about and whinges and it then escalates to full on crying and he will get really worked up. We've never left him to cry it out on his own so we usually stand in the room until he lies down. But in the past couple of weeks we've sat with him and cuddled until he falls asleep.

Then he can wake from any time in the night (last night was 9.30) and the first thing he will say when he wakes is "bottle". We've been giving him a bottle at night every night for the last year, simply because it's the easiest way of getting him back to sleep, but I know this is wrong and is just creating a crutch. Sometimes he has 2 bottles at night if he wakes twice. If we say no bottle he literally screams the house down, and because we're so tired and don't want to wake DS1 we give in.

I do think he has some kind of breathing issue which we have just seen a consultant about, as he constantly seems like he has a stuffy nose and breathes through his mouth when he sleeps, so I wonder if this is what wakes him up. However, we've never done any sleep training with him which I'm sure is t helping.

So my question is, what should our strategy be? I need to get him to a stage where he can put himself back to sleep without a bottle or being cuddled but I just don't know where to start. He's very spirited and wilful and I can see it being a total battle of wills but I need to do something as we are all at breaking point. I hope someone can help please!

[Haribo2012]

Hi there I bet your so tired so big hugs.

The fact you've never sleep trained I think is your main problem, he's got used to you helping him back to sleep with cuddles or a bottle. At this he doesn't need any night feeds and it won't be good for his teeth either so I'd really work on stopping those by offering water or reducing the feed to a smaller amount first and then changing to water or eliminating straight away. There is also lots going on developmentally at this age, sleep regressions and languages explosions all play havoc along with molars coming in.

Personally I'd start by having his bedtime bottle earlier so he doesn't fall asleep on it then having stories and cuddles then into bed awake. Sit next to the cot reassuring or rubbing his back or hand and only picking up briefly if he's upset. Use phrases like it's ok I'm here it's time to sleep now (lots of play in the day in his bed might help too and playing a go to sleep game)

As you've said he's wilful he will resist change as to be honest most do but you need to stay consistent, so night wakings quick cuddle lay him down and resume your place next to cot. I know it seems hard work but it will help in the long run. After a few days you need to put him in bed and sit further away etc and repeat process until your out the door.
Now I'd just get rid of night feeds cold turkey and offer some water in a cup, just start.a totally new thing and stick with it.

I know it's tough with another child I have a 5 yr old and a 20 month old so I'm always trying not to disturb eldest but he honestly rarely wakes up and if he does goes back to sleep.

Have you tried a humidifier for his room to help with breathing? Did he have reflux of any intolerances when he was a baby?
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.msg696517#msg696517 This link is good
x

[SusieQue]

Thanks Haribo, I know you're right but it always seems to help when someone else gives the advice! I've got him booked for an allergy test at the docs this week, as he permanently seems to be blocked in his nose. He didn't have any problems when he was a baby, but when we started him in solids he used to gag and throw up nearly every time he ate. To the point where even now he is super fussy and prefers soft food such as yoghurt or avocado. He definitely uses the bottle as comfort and always has done, and I think we just found it easier to carry on, but something has to give now. So when he wakes in the night would you suggest just going in and standing by the cot, even if he's screaming for a bottle? I admit I tried that the other night and he refused to lay back down and got himself so worked up he almost threw up, so I did give in (on DH's insistence!) but I know it's not good long term. I'll try the new bedtime routine tonight - tbh that's what I used to do for his naps and he had no problem going to sleep, but because bedtime has always been bath, bottle and bed he's become too used to it. Thanks again for your advice, here's praying it works eventually! x

[Haribo2012]

It does sound a little like he could have an allergy or maybe reflux. The gagging and comfort feeding are one of the signs, my youngest had it quite bad and can still be fussy.

I'd go in give him a cuddle offer a drink of water and then lay him back down, then just sit next to his cot. It is hard as they now know what they'd like and what you'd like ha ha. If he's screaming pick him up cuddle and back down x