2 year old spontaneously started HATING the crib and wont sleep in it - help

[drdavidge]

Hi, we have a lovely 26 month old daughter who has generally been a good sleeper aside from the standard regressions along the way. This issue seems much different than any sleep regression we have experienced to date, especially since we are at two weeks now and prior regressions only lasted for a week or less.

Almost 3 weeks ago, we cut our daughter off from the pacifier, which she only used during naps and sleep. It really wasn't bad at all and after a few days she completely stopped asking for it. She slept normal for the next 5 nights or so. Then suddenly during a normal bedtime routine, she REFUSED to get in the crib. We put her in anyway and let her cry for 30 mins or so, but was adamant about not being in there. We went back in a few times and let her cry, but then couldn't take it after a few hours of torture for her. Nothing changed in the room at all and nothing changed in the routine. This went on for a few days and we alternated staying in there with her, letting her fall asleep in our arms on the chair and hoping to move her to the crib, sleeping on the couch, and finally letting her sleep in our bed, which we are strictly against - only when she is sick and really can't sleep due to discomfort. We then had an idea to create a 'bed' for her on the floor of her room using blankets, and we would lay next to her until she fell asleep (which can take up to an hour) and then we would leave the room. This has been working, but if she rolls around during the night, she wakes up and instantly screams bloody murder for us to come back in there. We have to lay with her again until she falls asleep. She also now wakes up very upset at 6:15am when her typically wake up time was a pleasant and easy wake at 7:15am the earliest to 8:30am the latest. She would also patiently hang out in the crib and play with her stuffed animal toys until we came in to get her.

We are expecting another baby in April and were planning to use the crib for that baby. Our plan was to buy our daughter her own bed as opposed to converting her crib in the meantime. We are still open to doing that (and don't want to transition into two new "beds" over the course of a few months), but given her other sleep issues, we aren't sure a bed will completely solve the problem. How do we address the fact that she needs someone with her before fully falling asleep, she isn't sleeping through the night, and she is waking up early and crying/trying to open her bedroom door? None of this happened with the crib, and our thought is that even in purchasing a bed, it will still happen.

My wife is having a rough pregnancy but my daughter demands that she be the one in there, not me. Laying on the floor with her, getting up in the middle of the night, and not having any time in the morning isn't helping.

Any advice on what to do here? Do we make the toddler bed transition? Is this weird? We cant seem to figure out what the right thing to do is now. Ideally we want her back in the crib until after we move but before the new baby comes. Thanks.

[deb]

Probably a lot of things going on there, between new baby and a developmental leap plus possibly increased aversion to the crib since the try at CIO. Is she also resisting naps?

I'd probably go ahead and try the toddler bed. I know both mine went thru phases where they slept on their floors, for weeks, even months, before they went back to their beds. Is there any way you could perhaps make little walls with blankets to help keep her in the spot her floor-bed is? Take her to a store where they sell them, if there's one she can climb on and off herself, pretend to lay down in - plant the seed, then go back and see if she seems receptive.

Something else you can try is purposely creating positive associations with her room and her bed: hang out in her room in the daytime too. Will she go into the crib during the daytime for, say, a toy or a book that's in there? On some occasion when she's in her room for a diaper change, can you hang out there and play with her for a while?

Can the crib be placed in a different part of the room, switch up the room arrangement?

To give your wife a break, will your daughter "put her" - your wife - "to bed?" My girls got a kick out of doing that sometimes if I was extra-tired or ill; my husband would say something to them about how tired Mommy was and could they help tuck me into bed? Then they were also more amenable to him putting them to bed since Mommy had to sleep and get better.

There are posts about Walk In Walk Out and Gradual Withdrawal that might be helpful for you - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

Good luck!

[1stimer]

With both of ours this crib aversion happened when they were ready to move on to the big bed.  We never had them try and climb out or anything but they started hating their crib almost overnight. Like Deb said, with a baby on the way that could play a part. We started getting DD involved more, helping take care of me and the baby and she loved it. She was 3 when we had her brother and we had to make sure to include her in things because we found that a lot, not all, but a lot of her grumpiness was just wanting attention. Not to say she wasnt getting any but she was just a little jealous

[Katet]

I know how hard it is when toddlers sleep goes haywire, but leaving her to cry for 30mins probably added to the issue as 30 mins is an eternity to a toddler and she probably has some feelings of lack of trust that it could happen again.

To kind of put it in adult terms when you took the paci away it Is like going on holidays, you adjust to the different bed, but then you get to a point that you kind of look forward to your own bed... toddlers often have a regression after changes and need a bit of extra comfort to get through, but because it was more removal of comfort with her crying she now doesn't feel safe in her crib, so a lot is about making bed a safe and happy place again, be that with a new different bed or just with giving her what she is showing you she needs. Toddlers don't often  manipulate they just fight very hard to have their needs met.... often with crying.
Overall I think she no longer feels safe in her crib and so the first point is to find ways to rebuild trust and her feel safe. Being there as well as roll plays with a doll can help, but also as Deb said her putting Mummy to bed for a nap