Hi CbabyJ,
I know it can be so frustrating and hard for you with such lack of sleep. I agree with Creations on all points.. my DS gave me such a hard time with sleep and not taking the bottle so I was also extremely exhausted. And isn't it amazing how different one child can be from the next! It takes time to figure out their sleep needs but with some effort, you can and it's worth it! Adjusting routines are such a trial and error thing, but it pays off! The thing about awake times and routines is that you really have to stick with it for about 3-4 days to see if it can be ruled out. Of course there are other factors that weigh in and need to be eliminated as issues, too.
I see about the weight gain...if the last weigh in at doctor's office is fine, then I would proceed with a set routine and feeding schedule appropriate for his age and see if that helps. We want to try to make all things consistent as best as possible... until we can figure this out.
Did he vomit after crying? How often does this occur?
Like Creations said, sleep cues are hard to read at 9MO. Sticking to 3.5 hrs between naps might help him elongate his naps and not fight them so much. It could take a week or so if it's a huge adjustment... and we can work on the nights simultaneously so that after a week or two, we can see what's left to tweak.
Below is a link to show you the average Awake times for different ages/stages.
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=248483.0Here's the routine changes I suggest... it's a routine so give or take some differences, but the general A times and between feedings times are the same.
Awake 725 - super late for him but he had a big vomit episode at bedtime so he wasn't in bed till 830. That night he had night feeds at 12 and 5.
AT THE 5AM WAKE, OFFER LESS THAN WHAT YOU WERE PREVIOUSLY GIVING... SO IF 15 MINS, 10 MINS. IF BOTH BREASTS, JUST ONE, AND REDUCE GRADUALLY. THIS FEED IS USUALLY THE REASON LO'S DON'T TAKE A FULL MORNING FEED... MY SON DID THE SAME! FULL FEED AT THE FIRST NIGHT WAKE
Plus a few wake ups before 725 where I just held him quick. LIKE YOU'VE TRIED BEFORE, TRY ALWAYS PATTING AND FIRMLY HOLDING A HAND TO HIS BACK BEFORE PICKING UP UNLESS HE'S REALLY UPSET. THE MORE YOU TRY, (AND IT TAKES A WHILE- FOR US SOMETIMES WEEKS), THE MORE THEY'LL ACCEPT IT.
FEED AT 7:00AM OR LATER, NOT BEFORE IF POSSIBLE.. THIS WILL HELP REGULATE HIS WAKE UP TIME AND BODY'S HUNGER CUES
E BM at 725 - not much - very usual
E solids 830 - tiny amount due to caution with the vomit. Applesauce and oatmeal plus pear slices
I WOULD ACTUALLY OFFER A SOLID NOT TOO LONG AFTER HIS MORNING BF... PEXCELLENT PRECAUTION... TO RULE OUT FOOD ISSUES, OFFER ONE OF THE ABOVE... PERHAPS JUST OATMEAL AS THAT'S PRETTY HEARTY AND INCLUDES MILK OR WATER, DEPENDING ON HOW YOU PREPARE OR JUST THE PEAR SLICES (MY SON LOVED THIS!)
S attempt crib at 950- needed help, was upset, fell asleep at 1005 - 1145
THIS IS ONLY 2.25 HRS SINCE WAKE UP, SO WITH A 7:25 WU, PUT HIM DOWN AT 10:50 (a few minutes before 3.5hrs). STICK WITH A 3.5 HR AWAKE TIME FOR AT LEAST 3-4 DAYS TO HELP HIM REGULATE. I WOULD CAUTION THAT SOME BABIES DO NEED A SHORTER AWAKE TIME FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, BUT IT WON'T BE THAT MUCH SHORTER... SOME DAYS HE MIGHT BE READY AT 10:30, BUT IT'S STILL AT LEAST 3 HRS AFTER WAKE UP IN THE MORNING.
E BM 1145- big feed still sleepy from waking up
HOPEFULLY HE'LL SLEEP 10:55/11:00-12:30. BECAUSE HE'LL BE GOING DOWN LATER, A SNACK AT 9:30 IS APPROPRIATE... TRY APPLESAUCE OR JUST THE PEARS HERE, AND A TOP OFF BF (NOT TOO MUCH, BUT ENOUGH TO RULE OUT HUNGER BEFORE NAP). TRY NOT TO BF WITHIN THE 30 MINS BEFORE HIS NAP AT 10:55.
E solids 130. Toast and veggies
WAKING UP AT 12:30 IS PERFECT FOR A LUNCH BF FIRST, THEN SOLIDS.
FEEDING UPON WAKE UP FROM SLEEP IS IDEAL. IT HELPS REGULATE DIGESTION... SO WE WANT HIM TO BE HUNGRY. THIS IS THE TIME WE AIM FOR A FULL BF.
E BM 245
ABOUT 1-2 HRS LATER, SO IN THIS CASE AROUND 2PM, OFFER SOLIDS AS A SNACK... THE TOAST AND VEGGIES ARE EXCELLENT. THIS HELPS CURB HUNGER BEFORE HIS NEXT NAP TIME BUT WON'T BE RIGHT BEFORE.
S 330-410 in carrier due to going for a walk with the family
IF WAKE UP FROM HIS LAST NAP WAS 12/12:30, THEN HIS NEXT NAP WOULD FALL AROUND 3:30PM. EARLIER IF HIS MORNING NAP WAS SHORTER.
BF UPON WAKING UP FROM AFTERNOON NAP. DOING SO WILL GIVE YOU ANOTHER 3 HRS BEFORE BT NURSING. OFFER "DINNER" OR SOLIDS 1-1.5 HRS AFTER BF.
E solids 515. Sweet potato, savoury muffin, banana
PERFECT SOLID OPTIONS, BUT I WOULD CONSIDER OFFERING ONLY 1 OR 2 OF THE ABOVE.
E BM at bedtime 645
HIS LAST FEEDING WOULD'VE BEEN AROUND 4, SO TRY FOR A BEDTIME FEEDING AT 7.
In bed at 710 - seemed fairly tired. Absolute meltdown as soon as hit the crib. I tried to get husband to settle but this went very badly. He took a longtime to calm, eventually calming and sleeping around 730
NW at 1130(no feed), 230(feed), 330 (no feed), 520(feed). Woke at 625 upset so tried to resettle but gave up and up for the day
THE LAST AWAKE TIME TO BED CAN BE SHORTER DEPENDING ON HOW SHORT/LONG NAPS WERE. BUT 7-7:30 IS A GREAT TIME FOR YOUR SON AS HE WAS UP AROUND 4. TRY BT FEED AT 7, AND PUT DOWN IN BED AT 7:30 TO SEE IF IT HELPS HIS NIGHTS. These are just my suggestions in order to help regulate his sleep and hunger... which is so closely related physiologically. Notice that we are always offering breastmilk first, solids as a secondary to ensure the breastmilk is taken. I know what you mean about the distractions!!! We did the same and made sure it was dark and quiet when my son fed... so hard to do. It does help to make sure they're hungry upon waking from sleep.
Of course this is not a strict schedule but we can aim for eating before sleep, half way between naps, and longer awake times to see if it is in fact his routine that is causing so much nap resistance and night wakes. Hoping for more sleep in your near future!!!