Starting late with 11 months

[Vicutz]

Hello dear Babywhisperer-mums!

I am helping a friend, who had no interest in Sleep training so far and now she is desperate because her 11months old daughter is fighting bedtime, it takes up to 90 minutes in the evening.
She never sttn, waking up frequently (sometimes every 40 minutes 😱). At night she falls asleep while breastfeeding.

She used to have a schedule, a short morning nap and a good nap at noon, bedtime 7:30 pm.

Now her baby girl is not falling asleep in the morning anymore and in the evening later than usual.

The problem is, that I am a bit unsure what to tell her. With 11 months it’s really „starting late“ but I think she would if I could give her good advice. What would YOU recommend at first?

TIA!!!

[creations]

If it was me I'd recommend to your friend that she get a copy of one of the BW books (maybe the toddler book but Secrets of the BW would be fine too) and have a read so that she understood the general idea and ethos of BW.  And that she come and join the forums herself.

It's lovely to try to help someone out but in my opinion it is incredibly difficult to pass on information as a go-between and as difficult to offer advice in real life - it can look like you are telling her what to do, how to parent and put a strain on friendships, or else the friend doesn't put the same value on the information.  I've supported hundreds of parents during sleep training and putting together routines on the forums but there's never a time in real life someone would value my judgement on parenting or what sleep routine they might need (so I don't go there).

Starting at 11 months is 11 months later than some people start sleep training, but it's not too late, not at all.  I know someone in real life who was still laying on her 9 year olds bed every single night to get her off to sleep - that's not for me.

[creations]

Perhaps this can help:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=186622.0
Generally we try to give individual advice on issues but it is far more helpful if members have a background understanding of the BW ethos and methods.
Unfortunately it can see like a lot to read which is not great when exhausted from parenting!  It's worth it though

[Katet]

My DH is the Finance Manager for a hospital based unit that is 100% about mums and babies sleep and feeding (wishes he worked there 14 years ago) I was at a fundraising event the other day and so talking about babies and sleep etc.
BW talks a lot about baby temperament but in all honesty mothers temperament is huge... some Mums literally can't grasp the idea that routines and rituals need to change. Many are too tired to read books, particularly if reading has never been enjoyable... so it can become a cycle.

The nurse I was talking to said she always says 'short term it will be harder to make the changes than it is to keep going as you are, but long term Is what we are looking at"
I think with someone who is struggling but too tired to want anything but a magic solution, you have to show lots of empathy and Hint at options for when they are ready. Also your own experiences in a gentle way like, 'last night reminded me how much harder my child is when we don't do the routine properly.
Where DH works their methods have changed so much on the last couple of decades with more research, now they do a lot of tailoring to the Mum's personality, Mums who struggle with crying and aren't innately organised are often the ones with babies who don't sleeep well, as are th type A personalities that clock watch to the minute, and so they need to work differently with the Mums.
What is your friend and her baby's temperament (roughly)? As that might help with ideas of how you can be a middle person.