Author Topic: 2 hours for bedtime !!! Help (4 month)  (Read 266 times)

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Offline Suvito

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2 hours for bedtime !!! Help (4 month)
« on: January 11, 2018, 13:22:01 pm »
Hello everyone,

I'm really desperate with my 4 month LO! She has always been difficult before bedtime (thanks to colic) but in December there has been an improvement and I thought it was over. Wrong!! Since a week things have gone south as she is now taking for than 2 hours (!!!) before I get her to bed. At the end I feed her poor thing and either she falls asleep on the breast or she would be still awake but them I can put her down after one or two attempts. I'm using shush/pat for now and during the day it works quite good.
She is still on 1.30 (max 1.45) activity as I have difficulties to lengthen them because she is not a great napper. Usually she has 1 good nap and a bad or acceptable nap and a catnap. But at night she fights shush/pat a lot! I put her on the side and she would turn her head and little butt like a (very strong!) worm just to get out of my grip whilst crying with frustration. If after 45 or 60 minutes take her out of the room with light she would be fine and smile most of the times.
I have her eating now 7 times in 24 hours even though she ate 5/6 times when she was only two months old (I am breastfeeding). she could easily eat every 4 hours but she cannot handle awake time and also doesn't sleep long enough  ???
She also has inverted her night sleep: instead of sleeping 5 hours and then eat and do another 2-3 hours; she now sleeps 2-3 hours then eat and sleep the longer bit.... It is also very confusing to me and I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm dreading bedtime because I really can't stand it anymore to be 2 hours or more trying unsuccessfully to put her to bed......!
Please please help me.

I put down the easy of yesterday day but she is hardly doing the same thing twice in a row.....

WU/E.  8.00
S.        9.40 (good nap all by herself - I had to wake her)
E.       11.50
S.       13.40 (woke up after ca 40 minutes and managed to put her down again, lasted max 10 minutes, then I was in again and she was crying until 15)
E.       15.00
S.       16.00 (had to go in after 30 minutes then again twice, but she was always easily to calm and no big crying)
E.        18.05
S.        19.20
A         20.05
E.        20.50
BT.      21.20 NO SLEEP
E.        23.00
S         23.30

I'm aiming at a WU and BT at 9.00 am and pm as in December it seemed the right hours for her.
Thanks for any advice :-*

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Re: 2 hours for bedtime !!! Help (4 month)
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2018, 11:43:39 am »
Hi there.
It looks to me like your LO needs a longer A time before BT and could be resisting BT because she is UT. However LOs can resist right past their suitable sleep time and end up over tired which keeps them up even longer.
If you look at that last A time in your EASY (I know it's different each day but we only have this to go on for now), looks like she was awake from 8.05pm  then you did 9.20pm BT but she resisted. This is only 1hr 15 min A time which is very short for her age and why I suspect UT.  I would aim for 2hrs A before BT and see how that works out for you.

I have her eating now 7 times in 24 hours even though she ate 5/6 times when she was only two months old (I am breastfeeding). she could easily eat every 4 hours but she cannot handle awake time and also doesn't sleep long enough  ???
You don't have to feed more frequently than 4hrs if she isn't hungry. the EASY routine doesn't mean you always have to feed on waking, if it isn't 4 hrs just start your A time and watch the clock for the time E is due. If she is hungry at less than 4hrs that's okay you can feed earlier.

If after 45 or 60 minutes take her out of the room with light she would be fine and smile most of the times.
There was the odd occasion I had to take mine out of the room to break him out of his cycle of crying. It can sometimes help. I'd suggest not going far though and not beginning any A time if it is night time.  If things are going totally pear shaped and you feel bringing her out of the room is the only answer do that but then when her mood changes go back in and start to settle again. I know it is horribly hard work to have such long NWs or BTs but you don't want to encourage play in the night as babies pick up new habits very quickly.


Offline Suvito

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Re: 2 hours for bedtime !!! Help (4 month)
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2018, 19:53:55 pm »
Thank you so much for your input!
Yesterday she was napping quite well, but as I thought she might be OT I put her to bed quite early and she slept 40 minutes nicely (I thought I was on the right track) but then it was over and she kept going till midnight!
Today she was more eating every 4 hour and she did two good naps of 1,5 hours but the last one was over after an hour and I had no strength to keep trying... so now she is awake since 1,5 hours (but had a crappy last nap) and soon I will head to bed... let's hope to get her in the right moment.
I will keep you updated!!!! Thanks again so much

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Re: 2 hours for bedtime !!! Help (4 month)
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2018, 21:55:49 pm »
It's me again... so I put her to bed after 1 hour and 50 minutes of activity time (including putting her to bed which was quite smooth and with no major crying) and she woke up after 45 minutes. I put her down several times nicely without her getting to worked up but she never stayed asleep and in the end got really mad. I brought her out of the room twice but as soon as I close the door and it gets dark again she starts crying. Now it's 40 minutes since she is awake and so I'm BF her (last one 20.25 and now 22.45 - was that correct to do so????).
Can she get used to crying at me at that time???
Tomorrow is my older son's birthday party and I might just fall asleep on the cake  :-X

Thanks a lot!!!!

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Re: 2 hours for bedtime !!! Help (4 month)
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2018, 14:45:01 pm »
Can she get used to crying at me at that time???
I don't believe babies just cry for the sake of it or to wind up their parents so I always trust that there is some sort of need whether as parents we can work out what that is or not.

it could be that you need a little more A time before the last nap to make 3 good naps in the day, a full A time before BT too.
if she is regularly waking around 40/45 min into her night sleep you could try a W2S about 20 - 30 min after she falls asleep to start a new sleep cycle or to ensure you are there for the shush/pat method of W2S to see her through into a new cycle at the 40 min mark.
Here's a link to the wake to sleep FAQ:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=223809.0
have a look at the naps description too as you might have more success seeing her right through the transition rather than doing a disturbance W2S.  That's what I would do.  It can be much easier to get LOs back off to sleep if they are not fully woken and crying out for you but rather you are already there to sooth.

hope that helps, see how it goes.


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Re: 2 hours for bedtime !!! Help (4 month)
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2018, 20:57:25 pm »
Thank you so much!!!!
I pushes the activity to 2 hours and I usually get two good naps.... twice she has done 2 hours in the late afternoon   ;D! BT is still challenging but I don't let her take 2 hours to calm but would BF after 20 minutes of trying. That helped also for the night awakening the last two nights she woke only once like she used to do. Strangely at around 3-4 (even though she got a dreamfeed ) and then keeps too 9.30 in the morning.
But I'm scared she takes the boob as prop and will start changing her afterwards as I have this doubt. Is it possible that the day she doesn't need to bf for sleeping and the night yes?

Question: If she is doing 2 long naps and one Catnap should the activity time still be 2 hours before BT?? It seems so long to me.

Thank you very much for any advice  :-*

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Re: 2 hours for bedtime !!! Help (4 month)
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2018, 19:01:10 pm »
last two nights she woke only once like she used to do. Strangely at around 3-4 (even though she got a dreamfeed ) and then keeps too 9.30 in the morning.
This looks like roughly 5hrs between E times which is great.  Sleeping through the night is actually only a 5hr stretch believe it or not so you're doing great. Very many LOs will only do one longer stretch and the others will be the 3hr stretch between E so to get 2 long stretches is brilliant.

But I'm scared she takes the boob as prop and will start changing her afterwards as I have this doubt. Is it possible that the day she doesn't need to bf for sleeping and the night yes?
I wouldn't worry about feeding to sleep or almost to sleep in the night, there's no need to change her nappy just for the sake of keeping her awake in the night, of course change if she needs it although most modern nappies will last right through a night.  Lots of LOs go right to sleep after a night feed, it's okay, you know these are feeds for hunger and not for habit/comfort because of the time stretch between.

Question: If she is doing 2 long naps and one Catnap should the activity time still be 2 hours before BT?? It seems so long to me.
It really depends on the LO. If she seems very tired before 2hrs is up for that last A time it's okay to reduce it...but some need the long A time before BT and some like it to be very short instead.  You kind of have to get to know your own LO to find out what works best.