Author Topic: Almost 3 month baby very upset at nap times and bedtime :(  (Read 1561 times)

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Offline Jojo290615

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Almost 3 month baby very upset at nap times and bedtime :(
« on: February 27, 2018, 10:50:37 am »
Hi!

I have a post in the nap section but could really need some advice on general sleep too.
We are struggling getting our LG to sleep:( and also find it impossible to teach her to self soothe and settle.
She is almost 3 months is a very happy content little girl.
But for naps she has started really crying:(  we have about 1h30 awake time. And follow her cues.
For most naps we take her out in the pram .. and as soon as we put her in the pram she cries :( then settles when we get out the door.
If the weather is too bad.. she naps inside in her pram. But will wake up after 30 mins and even if I rock the pram she won’t fall back.
Sometimes we rock her in our arms and she still cries and wakes up after 30 mins. She seems to just want to look at everything so we take her into a darker room and she gets very cross!
Self soothing and sssh patting is very difficult. I managed the other day to put her down awake but she wouldn’t settle with the sssh pat, just cried:( so I picked her up and calmed her and put her down again and it worked.. I sat with her and put my hand on her .. she woke after 10 mins! I continued but she just doesn’t settle! So I ended up rocking her and she fell asleep.

At bedtime it’s the same. Around 17:30 she starts to get cranky and she lets us know it’s time for bed. So we take her into my toddlers room, dim the lights , put some soft music on , I give her a bottle then get her in her pjs, little wash and massage and often finish the bottle. I then turn the lights out and cuddle her and rock her until she falls asleep. And then I have to hold her for an hour because the first hour is very unsettled. After 30 mins she transitions and fusses a bit. Then when we are sure she is sleeping deeply she goes into her sleepy head between hubby and I on the sofa. And she sleeps really well. We give her a dream feed at 10:30 and she wakes between 1 and 3:30 depending on how much she drinks at the dream feed. And she then sleeps until 6 or 7.

I tried the other day to put her down in her bed. Awake but drowsy .. she wasn’t at all happy .. so I rocked her to sleep and after 30 mins put her down, she woke up ..we left her as she was babbling and happy but then after about 20 mins she started crying so I tried the sssh pat .. but it didn’t work :( she got too upset. So it ended up rocking her and holding her for an hour again.

I really need some help on how to get her relaxed for sleep and to help her self soothe.

Thanks!

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Re: Almost 3 month baby very upset at nap times and bedtime :(
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2018, 19:11:27 pm »
Hello again :)

The thing to realise about shush/pat is that it is not something which automatically sooths your LO or teaches her to self settle, rather it is a method where your LO knows she is not being abandoned and that she is safe because Mummy (or Daddy) is there with her.  This means you are not doing something "wrong" as such but perhaps you are expecting shush/pat to teach her to self settle when actually it is you who teaches her.

I managed the other day to put her down awake but she wouldn’t settle with the sssh pat, just cried:( so I picked her up and calmed her and put her down again and it worked
This is very normal in the early days of sleep training.  With shush/pat you do pick up and sooth in arms (using shush/pat or adapted) until LO is calm and drowsy and then put down and continue to shush/pat in the cot.  This might involve picking up and soothing many times. The idea though is not to resort to your previous method if it doesn't "work" first time. It's a process and takes time.  If you resort to holding and rocking and keeping hold for an hour before putting her down this will continue as she has no reason or opportunity to change her habits.
Learning to fall asleep in the cot and stay asleep in the cot is a big change from sleeping in arms.  She is not too young but it does take time and effort to get there.  If she does fall asleep in the cot you will need to continue shush/pat for at least an additional 20 mins to get her to deep sleep and prevent that waking at 10 mins...and you may need to pat right through the nap to keep her asleep.  This is quite different to sleeping in arms for an hour though because she will be learning to sleep in her cot and with her body weight on the mattress.
The shush/pat can then be gradually reduced.

Have you read the BW books or refreshed yourself on the method?  I think that might be a helpful start. Or the FAQs we have, here's one:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26672.0

Quite separately:
For most naps we take her out in the pram .. and as soon as we put her in the pram she cries :( then settles when we get out the door.
This sounds totally normal to me. A LO who is used to pram naps can cry wanted to get out of the house, as though shouting "hurry up, I'm tired".  Mine also did this waiting for his car nap, any delay getting out the house and he let me know I was running late, he'd be very vocal in his communication.  He also learned though how our routine went and was then able to hold on a bit knowing I would get him out for his nap, I often just talked to him and reassured him that I knew he needed a nap and we were on our way if we were a little late or he was tired a little earlier.
I wouldn't worry too much about this bit of crying - all you can do is get out a bit earlier if needed or reassure with your voice.  Don't feel you need to always stop your LO crying, she is just communicating with you, do respond to her of course and don't leave her to cry alone.

hope this helps


Offline Jojo290615

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Re: Almost 3 month baby very upset at nap times and bedtime :(
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2018, 08:22:44 am »
Hi Creations
Thanks for your reply:)

Yes I have the Tracy’s book, the secrets of the baby whisperer. Which others do you recommend ?
I just had a question about the helping baby transition through.. today it’s a snow storm here so we stayed in. But I put her in her pram and after a few protests she fell asleep while I jiggled the pram. I did this for 20 mins.. she still woke up and was just babbling and cooing and sucking her hand. I continued to jiggle but she just didn’t want to sleep again. Just looking at me smiling 🙄
My question is do i continue to jiggle or should I do this only when she gets upset? Because a few times early in the morning, she has fallen back alone without any help, so I’m confused. xx
« Last Edit: February 28, 2018, 08:24:21 am by Jojo290615 »

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Re: Almost 3 month baby very upset at nap times and bedtime :(
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2018, 09:22:22 am »
Jiggling in the pram can help to extend naps which in a sense is useful because LO gets a good sleep and learns to stay asleep for longer naps, rather than waking fully after one sleep cycle. the flip side is that if you always do it LO will get used to always being jiggled and will find it hard to sleep without movement, the idea with sleep training is to reduce any assistance so that LO learns to sleep without the motion.  This is probably why you are confused because both ways are useful for different reasons.
The idea is certainly that LO falls back to sleep without help so if she is happy, looking around and cooing you can leave her and not jiggle or shush/pat until she calls for you.  When mine was very young he would sometimes wake mid nap and just stare at things, he was happy to just have a little look around and contemplate the world, I left him and he would often go back to sleep after a long time awake.  Whilst the nap wasn't a great length being like that he had low stimulation and was not upset, and he was learning how to be relaxed and fall to sleep without help.  If he started calling or fussing for me I would give him a little help of course.

These short naps can be due to the jolts which wake some LOs up.  You might be able to HTTJ (hold through the jolts) to help her stay asleep, here's a link, option 1 for naps is useful but scroll down for pressure through the jolts:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=223809.0

It may also be that your LO is UT or OT for the nap and so not sleeping particularly well and waking after 20-30 mins.  Often when it is so short we consider OT but with the happy waking and cooing it sounds more on the side or UT.  The A time you are using, 1hr 30 is suitable for a 3 month old so I am cautious to suggest giving more...but some LOs need very long A times so you could try another 10 mins for a few naps and see if this helps any?  If it makes her OT you might find it easier to resettle her to extend the nap (rather than her short napping and not being able to extend it), if though it had no helpful effect you would revert back to the 1hr 30 guidance time.

the secrets of the baby whisperer. Which others do you recommend ?
This is probably enough although I ended up reading all the books to get as much information as I could.


Offline Jojo290615

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Re: Almost 3 month baby very upset at nap times and bedtime :(
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2018, 11:16:26 am »
Thanks!
She never fell back after almost an hour of cooing .. she started to fuss so I Sush patted her and she fell back for 10 mins then it was time for her milk. So I got her up.
I put her back down at 11:45, she fussed a bit, I held my hand on her and she fell asleep. I held it there for a bit longer and then left her to sleep. She woke up after 25 mins :( not crying. So I’m leaving her but I’m afraid she won’t fall back again.
She can actually fall asleep by herself with some sush patting but she or I find it hard to transition her through to the next sleep stage.

She never fell back, I tried to sush pat her for 20 mins, she wasn’t upset. then I had to get her up because she brought up some milk arrrrggg
« Last Edit: February 28, 2018, 11:59:10 am by Jojo290615 »