10m still struggling with naps!

[Melian Gray]

Hi BW community... Please help! DS is crying himself into hysteria before naps and can't/won't calm himself 

DS is 10 months now, moderate LSN, been on EASY from birth, but only really started getting it right after buying Tracy's 'Baby Whisperer solves all your problems' at 3m. Sh/pt worked quite well, but I never withdrew as I didn't know I was supposed to and I never felt he went to sleep very easily, it was still a little bit of a struggle each time, but much better than before. I managed to get DS onto a 4 hour routine at 4m and things were looking good - he even went to sleep independently a number of times. However, ever since he started teething and crawling at around 6m it has been an ongoing battle which we are both losing.

He seems to be moderately advanced - he is taking steps already and has 8 teeth. There are so many things that could be going wrong - illness, AP, developmental changes - I feel as if I never blimming know what to do and it's driving me nuts. Or, I think it's developmental, but then I'm not sure how to adjust my wind down routine/how to get him to sleep! PUPD is quite hands off at this age, but when he starts spluttering and coughing he's crying so hard I feel at a loss of what to do! I don't want to leave him in his cot when he needs comfort, but I also don't want to AP him. I feel as if I am permanently doing PUPD without an end! Some days I think it's going OK, he only cries for 10min (would love this to be 0min on a good day!!), but then we go through a bad stretch and he gets so worked up I feel helpless. It doesn't help that he's been transitioning (on his own just about) to one nap for a while now - I've been having to go for a walk or drive for his second nap since he was about 7m, otherwise he fights his nap and will happily be awake for 7hrs! I've had quite a lot of success getting him to have one nap in the middle of the day and then having an earlier BT, but he still fights that one nap! (I still do 2 naps if there is more than 5.5hrs before BT, but it doesnt go as well as when he has one nap). Part of me thinks that he has now learned that this is how he goes to sleep?? I just don't know how to help him and it's killing me.

Take today for example:
Only had 10hrs sleep last night as he fought BT for an hour (cos he had a second nap of 40min at 4pm) and then woke up early this morning. Hence aiming for a 2 nap day, so am nap just before lunch then short pm nap.
6.10 woke up, BF, went back to sleep (so treated as a NW)
6.30 woke up again (?? Would have expected him to sleep til 7), BF (he cries if I don't - even when he's just had), stayed awake
7.30 breakfast
10.30 looked quite tired so did wind down. As soon as curtains and door closed starts crying and fighting me, so I put him down in his cot (as that's what I believe I'm supposed to do if he's fighting me...if he's still fighting after 10min I'll give up). At this point I usually sit on a stool in the passage (only got that far in the gradual withdrawal). Stands up, still crying. After a few min I go in put him down, give him his blanket and stuffed animal (which he still doesn't really take ), go back to my stool. More of the same. I give him some painkiller as he's crying as if he might be in pain. He seems comforted to suck the syringe, but starts crying when it's finished. After 10-15min I decide to give up, take him outside. He stops crying immediately.
11am lunch, soon he'll be getting hungry and then really won't go to sleep.
11.20 looks tired wind down again. And again, screaming, crying, standing. So it can't be pain, the painkiller will have kicked in by now. I try to comfort him, but he tries to climb up me. So I put him down and he starts getting irate. He starts coughing and spluttering and getting more and more hysterical. At this point I am torn, do I AP him and comfort him or do I leave him? I can't just leave him, so I pick him up. Tears are just streaming down his face. Now he's getting OT, he's completely worked up and I'm feeling desperate. I end up feeding him and he calms within seconds and passes out. Yes, this has happened before, but only when I honestly don't know what else to do.
11.45 Asleep in cot
12.55 wakes up crying, tried to resettle didn't work, BF, falls asleep again.
13.20 woke up (why?? Is this OT?) Now he's awake and happy.

He got stuck on 1h10min/1h15min naps but if he's tired enough he sleeps for 2 hrs or more. Usual A time is 4.5 - 5hrs (it seems a lot, but I still sometimes get the 1h15min nap! which is UT, right ?).  I have also tried to get him to take a transference object or lovey for a while now, but to no avail... He just struggles to calm himself before going to sleep - even when I have a nice long wind down! I don't think it's crib phobia, more like sleep phobia!

I need a second pair of eyes to see what's going wrong. Why can't I get BW to work at nap times?? Please, help...

[creations]

Hi there - sorry to hear you're having such a tricky time, it sounds exhausting.

A few questions:

At this point I usually sit on a stool in the passage (only got that far in the gradual withdrawal). Stands up, still crying. After a few min I go in put him down, give him his blanket and stuffed animal (which he still doesn't really take ), go back to my stool. More of the same.

Are you responding with verbal reassurance from your stool?
Are you going back in to him as soon as he calls/cries for you?
What happens if you just stay by him with a hand on him right the way to sleep?

I've had quite a lot of success getting him to have one nap in the middle of the day and then having an earlier BT, but he still fights that one nap! (I still do 2 naps if there is more than 5.5hrs before BT, but it doesnt go as well as when he has one nap

It's very early for one nap but I'm wondering if you have tried our just one nap every day and not switching between 1 and 2 to see what happens?

Any sign of reflux at all?  It sounds like you don't usually feed to sleep but that this is what he wants, I'm wondering if the sucking is his way of soothing the acid?

Usual A time is 4.5 - 5hrs (it seems a lot, but I still sometimes get the 1h15min nap! which is UT, right ?

This is kind of how mine was when UT.  Super long A time but needed longer to get a full nap of 2hrs.  Mine was fine with a shorter A time before BT though so although the morning was very long the afternoon was quite short.

[Melian Gray]

Thank you so much for your reply!!

Are you responding with verbal reassurance from your stool?
Are you going back in to him as soon as he calls/cries for you?
What happens if you just stay by him with a hand on him right the way to sleep?

I am responding with verbal reassurance, but generally only when he calls out. So when he calls out, but in a non upset way then I use verbal reassurance and I only go to him when he starts crying or is upset. I thought they calmed better on their own at this age?
I've tried to keep my hand on him, but it seems to distract him and he rolls over to look at me like it's a game. But it depends on how calm he is - if he's calm enough then he just goes to sleep without me, if he's not calm and would need my hand on him then he generally does not lie down.

It's very early for one nap but I'm wondering if you have tried our just one nap every day and not switching between 1 and 2 to see what happens?

It is very early for one nap! To answer your question, I follow him - if he wakes up early or looks tired before 4pm then I give him a second nap.
My two EASYs are like this (BF is whenever he wakes up):
1 nap: 7am BF, 8am bkfst, 11am lunch, 11.30 story, 12 S, 2pm BF, 3.30ish snack , 5.15pm supper, 6.15 bath, 7 BT.
2 naps: 6.30 BF, 7.30 bkfst, 10.30 S, 11.45 BF, 1pm lunch, 2.30ish snack, 4ish S, BF at WU, 5.45 supper, 6.45 bath, 7.30 BT.

I'm finding, though, that he gets more total sleep if he doesn't get a second nap as he tends to then fight BT for longer than what he slept for. For example, yesterday he had a 20min nap at 4.30 (took a long time for him to fall asleep), but then only went to sleep after 8.40pm. He wasn't crying at BT, just playing in his crib and occasionally calling me.
I try to not let him sleep later than 4pm, or even 3.30, but I'm nervous of pushing him and him becoming OT. I'm finding he needs about 4 hrs minimum AT before BT, which means there isn't enough time in the day for a second nap though! It's such a toss up!
How about if I cap that second nap earlier, at like 10min? Will that help? Even though it usually takes 15-30min to get him to fall asleep...! 

Any sign of reflux at all?  It sounds like you don't usually feed to sleep but that this is what he wants, I'm wondering if the sucking is his way of soothing the acid?

He had some reflux before 4m, but it wasn't clearly reflux as he also was having allergic reactions to nut and egg proteins that he getting through my milk. I don't think he has reflux now, but I will give him some antacid for his nap today if he is the same as yesterday and see if it helps.

So what do you reckon? Obviously if it is reflux, or silent reflux, then that's a medical problem that I can tackle, but if its not reflux? He isn't having any of his usual allergic presentations so I don't think it's his allergies (besides for which I give him antihistamines every evening).
I just don't get why he won't calm! I wish I knew how to calm him/how to teach him to calm himself...

[creations]

I'm finding, though, that he gets more total sleep if he doesn't get a second nap

I'm always super cautious about suggesting an early move to one nap but what you are describing sounds like it might be worth a try.  Mine moved to one nap at 11 months (took a month to settle it because of OT causing his 1 good nap to turn into 20 min OT naps which I had to link with W2S to get him back onto 2hr naps) which was early but I've seen on the boards lower sleep needs LOs moving to one nap even earlier.
What is his night like after 1 nap?  Does he always wake early the next morning and is it an OT EW or is it a reasonable night and just a bit earlier WU than usual but with him seeming more refreshed?
Just wondering if you aimed for a nap at 12 every day whether a 6.30 or 7am WU he could start to regulate himself a bit better, being less resistant to naps and BT and therefore sleeping more soundly rather than all this fuss?

I thought they calmed better on their own at this age?

At any age if a LO can't calm down on their own they need support.  My 7yo has been an independent sleeper since about 8 wks old but even now if something is bothering him I'll get a call back at BT and need to go to him, leaving him alone would just add to his frustrations and damage the trust he has in me.  Yes it's true that when a LO is able to self settle and happy to do so having a parent in the room could well put them off, my DS was very young when he wanted me out of the room for him to fall asleep but I don't see it as a blanket rule, more of a general idea that if they are fine then leave them be and if they are not then help.  Equally if they are just "messing around" as toddler can do during tricky phases and are not actually upset, sometimes it is better to give instruction from outside the room rather than engage in their delay tactics. When mine was having a phase like that I sat outside his room and repeated "go to sleep" through the door, only going in when I could hear him running in the cot (dangerous so needed attention).

What is your usual wind down for naps? How long and what do you do? How does he react to each stage?
Is there any stage he calms and seems like he is ready for sleep?
If you APOP by feeding right before the nap either to drowsy or asleep does he end up having a good nap of say 2hrs?
You said he was quite mobile now, what happens if you set up an indoor assault course or races/catch where he gets loads of crawling exercise to physically tire him before nap - do you see a difference?

[Melian Gray]

What is his night like after 1 nap?  Does he always wake early the next morning and is it an OT EW or is it a reasonable night and just a bit earlier WU than usual but with him seeming more refreshed?

His night is usually good. He sleeps for 11 to 12 hours. The EW started as a NW around 4am ever since January when we went on holiday (which I've tried to curb with w2s and once pupd). It got later and later til now just after 6. He goes back to sleep unless there is a noise which startles him or he has slept for >11.5hrs already.

What is your usual wind down for naps? How long and what do you do? How does he react to each stage?
Is there any stage he calms and seems like he is ready for sleep?

Wind down: i pick him up and use lots of verbal cues around bring tired, nap time and time to go nighty nighty. He then usually rubs his eyes. I carry him into his room, close the door behind us. Tidy any messy toys, then put him on his change table and put a fresh nappy on. So far about 2min have passed. He usually looks very ready for bed at this stage. Then I pick him up again, we close the curtains and I have a little cuddle with him while standing, maybe one minute otherwise he starts climbing me. If I sit with him instead he climbs off my lap almost immediately; he won't sit still. Or I read him a 3min story then cuddle. He doesn't sit still for a story either and usually climbs all over the couch or the floor. Then I say night night and put him in his cot. He just about never goes straight to sleep. The crying usually starts when I've closed the curtains, or when I put him in his crib.

If you APOP by feeding right before the nap either to drowsy or asleep does he end up having a good nap of say 2hrs?
You said he was quite mobile now, what happens if you set up an indoor assault course or races/catch where he gets loads of crawling exercise to physically tire him before nap - do you see a difference?

Yes, he usually has a pretty good nap, unless he wakes around the 40min mark (either from swallowed air perhaps or maybe UT). I mostly can get him to go back to sleep then, but while feeding, which isn't helpful but it is the only way that he goes back to sleep. He more often than not does not wake up, though.
I can try to tire him out more. I have been so worried about making him too OT that I haven't thought of that. We usually play outside for a bit each morning, but he is more interested in things rather than racing around.

I have just put him down and it was exactly the same as yesterday, even though I gave him antacid and stayed with him the whole time, comforting him. So weird!! This frantic crying is new, but general crying and fighting sleep is not new... It might be developmental now as he is starting to walk - but I should surely still be able to calm him without APOP? !

[creations]

He usually looks very ready for bed at this stage. Then I pick him up again, we close the curtains and I have a little cuddle with him while standing, maybe one minute otherwise he starts climbing me.

What do you think would happen if, instead of picking up for a cuddle and to shut the curtains, you just said "you look ready to sleep" and picked up keeping him horizontal and just popped him right in the cot? Then quickly shut curtains and leave the room saying "call if you need me" ?  Any thoughts?
I realise your WD is already pretty short but some LOs who know how to self settle just can't be doing with all the faffing around that us mums think needs to be done.  I took mine into an already dark room and just sung one song and put him down and even then if he wanted to get to sleep he would put his hand over my mouth to shut me up and force me to move on in the WD to the part where I just put him down and left.  This is kind of what you were saying earlier about being more able to self settle if alone - it's very hard to say from a distance, only  you know what's going on but it's something just to think about.

I wonder too if instead of trying to break the feed to sleep habit at nap time what you think about just going along with it and moving to one nap? And then tackling the feed to sleep prop a bit later if the one nap routine works out okay for him?  any thoughts of trying out a full move to one nap needs him to nap well.

It might be developmental now as he is starting to walk - but I should surely still be able to calm him without APOP? !

These developments can totally wreck sleep so quite opposite to what I've said above you might prefer to ride out this tough patch and just wait it out on 2 naps to see if the phase passes?
As for calming him without APOP well, all kids go through very tricky times when they need help or even almost to be forced to sleep.  When mine dropped to one nap it went so sort, 20 min (OT) and he was refusing to go to sleep or stay asleep and as he had been non-APOP-able for about 10 months by that point I felt lost. It took *huge* effort on my side to "force" him to sleep using every magical trick I could imagine. One of the things i had to do was dance holding him with a CD playing loud and me singing for the entire CD (an hour??) before he would eventually nod off, I did that in the family room lights on curtains open because even going near his bedroom he would scream blue murder.  OK I wasn't feeding to sleep but this was some major AP attempt!  I never felt like he lost the ability to self sooth, I just saw it as a phase of development and transition of routine which needed to be got through.

Sorry I know i'm not giving any clear cut answers, more questions if anything, but it sounds like your LO is really fed up with nap time and I'm just trying to think out of the box about why he is so annoyed and fussing so loudly - what he is trying to tell you.  and also I think trying to reassure you that some AP or additional help through tricky phases doesn't totally wreck the ability to self sooth. In my experience my DS always returns to independent sleeping just as soon as he is able to and with little or no effort to break any habits either.

[Melian Gray]

Thank you so much for your response! I thought I'd try a few of your suggestions before replying again.

I have tried going down to one nap, and after a few days of only one nap I think he's doing better. He is definitely getting more sleep! About 11,5 hrs at night and 1,5 - 2hrs in the day, which is so great for my LO. I've found that his 'optimum' A time in the morning is 5.5hrs, any less and he gives me a 1h15min nap. Since your reply I have been feeding him to sleep, which has been - dare I say it - really easy and happy...  I don't want to continue feeding him to sleep for long at all as it will just be more difficult to break the habit the longer I do. Any advice on how long I should continue? I'm thinking maybe just til the end of this week and then see if he can settle? I feel sad that I might be confusing him about how we now go to sleep. But I can't feed to sleep forever, it has to stop at some point so sooner would be easier, and better, for his sake.

On that, do you have any advice on how I should retrain him to fall asleep without feeding to sleep? Would I do strict PUPD? I have endured so much of his crying before sleeps, I'm sad to say I don't trust that I will know what intervention I should do. Unfortunately I don't think it's going to be as easy with DS as it was with your LO as he hasn't just come from going to sleep easily. I have gone through 4 months of having to evaluate and decide whether to intervene, and then if so, how to intervene, and I feel as if I have made the wrong calls or why then are we still struggling? Maybe it would be a good time to completely change his bedtime routine? I have tried to keep it the same from when he was 8 weeks old - perhaps it is not working and should be changed?

The worst part for me is that I know (or at least I think I know) that it is just going to get more difficult - sleep doesn't just sort itself out! I have put an inordinate amount of effort into DS's sleep - I really just want him to learn the skill of falling asleep happily!    Thank you again for your help!!

[creations]

I thought I'd try a few of your suggestions before replying again.

I have tried going down to one nap, and after a few days of only one nap I think he's doing better. He is definitely getting more sleep! About 11,5 hrs at night and 1,5 - 2hrs in the day, which is so great for my LO.

Great!!!

How long has he been doing one nap now?
I'm still kind of cautious about moving forward despite your great news - it's only because he is still so young for one nap even though I know other LOs in the BW community have moved to one nap even young... I'm half expecting he will build up OT over a period of a couple of weeks and it might backfire or need further tweaking.  So just watch out for his mood during A time and any OT NWs which start and see if you can help him out with a longer nap or earlier BT.  If you can get day naps to 2hrs (or even longer) that would be great.

I'm thinking maybe just til the end of this week and then see if he can settle?

If he isn't used to self settling then it is unlikely he will just go for it on his own without some guidance and teaching but also it shouldn't be the hardest thing to help him with. I can see you've had a bit of a hard time with PUPD over the last few months, sleep training doesn't need to be a nightmare so try not to dread it
You can make a start now even with the feeding to sleep.  When he is near the end of the feed use a key phrase "sleepy time now". As you put him down in his cot tell him reasonably loudly so he can hear you in his sleep "I'm putting you in your bed now so you can sleep properly" [put down keep hand on] "Call if you need me" remove hand, walk out.  Introducing a key phrase or two now can help later on. It is also nice to let him know what you are doing.  You can even disturb him a little so that he half wakes and hears you telling him that he is going to bed.
*Always* return as soon as he calls or cries, don't delay. What he needs to know right now is that you always return when needed.  When you return put a hand on him, or pick up, use your voice to sooth "it's okay, it's sleepy time now". If he nods off in arms repeat your put down phrase so he knows where he is sleeping. If he doesn't nod off try to get him back to sleep and in the cot with your hands on if needed.  I don't think you will have quite the same level of fussing, crying out and resistance as you were before because he was UT then on two naps and resisting each of them, he is on a different routine now and will be far more tired and ready to sleep.

On that, do you have any advice on how I should retrain him to fall asleep without feeding to sleep? Would I do strict PUPD?

I'm not a great fan of PUPD to be honest, it's just not my personal style. If you want to go with that I can hold your hand and might be able to offer some tips as you go along but I personally prefer a more gentle approach.  Here is a link to the no-cry sleep solution FAQ, have a read and see what you think, this would be my preferred choice of moving forward, gently breaking the feed to sleep prop and teaching LO he is safe and secure in his bed.
The first post in this link contains links to the following posts in the same thread.  Have a look at the first item (gentle removal) which is about feeding to sleep, ignore bits about co-sleeping or anything that doesn't relate to your particular situation. Also read the last post which is about re-settling in the night, I know it's naps you need but the general idea is the same.  What would help you is if you got broad understanding of how the process works, how you do sooth LO but you also change it up a bit and reduce and reduce so that you don't get "stuck" in one place.
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0

You might even find that rather than making a "date to start sleep training" you actually just realise one day between now and next week that you've already started, bit by bit.  And anyway, rather than having a "date" to start on it is far more reliant on when you feel you know how to move forward, as soon as you know you will do it and if you don't know how to move forward then you aren't ready to start.

The worst part for me is that I know (or at least I think I know) that it is just going to get more difficult - sleep doesn't just sort itself out! I have put an inordinate amount of effort into DS's sleep - I really just want him to learn the skill of falling asleep happily!

I agree that sleep doesn't just magically sort itself out, I have a friend who went to bed with her 9 year old every night as her DD still hadn't learned to fall asleep alone (and likely a mum who wanted it that way to be honest).  And also LOs are hard work, they are, there are tricky times ahead with developmental leaps and teething which can both wreck even the best sleep routines.  But sleep training itself is something you can probably "get done" within a couple of weeks or even less.  Already your LO has managed a nap transition which mine found the hardest -  your DS has apparently just breezed through it!

[Melian Gray]

Amazing! Thank you so much - this gives me hope! I will try it and come asking for help in a few days no doubt.

I have been using a key phrase (forgot to mention it...), talking to him gently, telling him what's happening, and making sure he's awake when I put him down, so at least there's that! 

I have noticed that he has been quite grumpy recently during A time, but it looks like he might be teething (the canines or molars are next  ) poor boy... He has had one or two NW, but at 1am or 2am. Am I right in thinking that OT would be wakings soon after BT?

[creations]

I have noticed that he has been quite grumpy recently during A time,

Yeah I think just watch out for this, OT could be building up over a number of days or weeks and he might need an extra long nap or a second nap thrown in even once.  It's a hard one to call, the consistency of just one nap helps him to regulate his sleeping and know what to expect and get used to it etc...but a big OT build up just needs an extra sleep.

He has had one or two NW, but at 1am or 2am. Am I right in thinking that OT would be wakings soon after BT?

Usually, yes. Or else very early waking in the morning and not going back to sleep.
NWs at 1 or 2am might be GS or teething perhaps. (or it could OT - I can't guarantee it's not)

Great that you've been using a key phrase and trying to get him down awake already.

[Melian Gray]

Hi there, here I am asking for help, as predicted...

Positives first though : We are properly down to one nap and it is going really well! That's positive number one.
He is also sleeping better at night. He wakes up less (even STTN a few times) and I have been able to settle him back to sleep without feeding him a couple of times (at night). Huge, huge wins in my book!

The reason why I'm here asking for help is because I feel as if I'm in a sweet spot sleep wise and I don't want to miss this opportunity (like I missed withdrawing with shpt at 4 months...). I have been trying to withdraw with the feeding to sleep, but I haven't had any progress. If anything he is holding on longer and more urgently, as he anticipates me removing him from sucking. It has also then taken an hour to put him down a few times when he came off earlier than normal... I put him back on, but he was then not interested in going to sleep. Each time I was (virtually) certain he wasn't undertired. So gradual withdrawal isn't going as well as hoped.

So, I'm coming here for help with what I should do in this sweet spot. I'm not sure gradual withdrawal will work quickly enough to capitalise on this moment before he is more seriously dependent on feeding to sleep and I also don't want to revert back to the endless crying if there is a better option for my LO. But perhaps he will respond well to pupd/a drastic change right now?  I haven't tried anything drastic yet because I do not trust myself to not get it wrong!

I'm also growing more and more uncomfortable with feeding him to sleep as I don't like the road that it goes down. I don't know how one weans a child who doesn't take the bottle and who is fed to sleep! Besides for the obvious sleep problems that arise from using a prop...

Any advice?

[creations]

Hi
I'm going to link this again to check that you've read it and are trying the methods, eg the full feed and rapid sucking when it is needed for comfort and then breaking the seal and gently holding mouth closed etc...I have never done this as my LO didn't have a F2S or paci habit but I can visualise it and I do think the description in that post is a good one.  It is a back and forth back and forth until LO is almost asleep and you can put him down.  Whatever you are doing to resettle in the night without feeding to sleep sounds useful, what do you do then? Can you employ the same approach at nap and BT?

Some people don't mind about a F2S prop and just continue with it until LO is much older.  It is really up to you as to whether this is something you feel you want to tackle now or not.  It sounds like you do but I'm just checking.  Is it because you plan to stop BF at 12 months or something similar?

I wouldn't do anything drastic or plan on endless crying. It's not my preferred approach to anything.
It's great he is sleeping better, you can work on his ability to self sooth gently.

[Melian Gray]

Ah, it is so great getting input! Thank you so much!

When I try to resettle him without f2s at night I have been successful with just holding him for a bit and doing a slow, rhythmic pat on his back til he is calm. Sometimes once is enough, more often he rolls over, gets up and cries, then I try again. I will try this at naps/BT if the opportunity arises!

I hear you, I will read it again. He usually starts crying as soon as he comes off, but I'm possibly missing something and will read it again.

I feel as if F2S is completely unknown for me, as in I don't see how it will end well (although I know there are plenty of happy people who do F2S). I just always thought that Tracy's stuff made so much sense.

I've just put him down and thinking about the whole process I think I might know where the problem is coming in. He usually drinks properly and then is happy to go down virtually straight away. He opens his eyes a bit, sees he's going into his crib, hears me say good night and then closes his eyes and goes to sleep when he's in his crib. It's been like that from when I started F2S. The problem perhaps is that I think I've been trying to make him come off sooner, while he is still drinking, because he closes his eyes and looks as if he is falling asleep but he is still actually drinking. I'm trying to do phase 2 of RachelC's post where you 'feed baby until she's SETTLED and SLEEPY, but not yet falling ASLEEP.' It looks like DS is falling asleep when he's still drinking.... If what I am saying makes sense, how would I continue gradual/gentle withdrawal from here? Does this mean I can go straight to phase 3 and instead of picking him up (as mentioned above)? I think my actual question is can I take closed eyes and drinking as settled and sleepy rather than falling asleep?

[creations]

I'm sorry I totally forgot to put the link in for you!  I had it open and copied and then didn't paste it!
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.msg1845481#msg1845481

[creations]

From your description I am not really sure that you are feeding to sleep. You have continued to tell him he is going into his bed, not secretly putting him down and sneaking off, and he has continued to open his eyes to see when he is and knows he is in his bed and you are leaving.  I would say this is more like feeding to drowsy rather than to sleep.
Based on what you've said, it sounds like the crying was because you unlatched when he was still hungry and taking milk rather than him being asleep or sucking for comfort to get to sleep.  I think you've realised that now, so do make sure he has finished feeding.

I know you have re-read a different part of that gentle removal plan thread, I see where the phases are and think you can move along with the withdrawal.
When you put him down and he opens then closes his eyes then sleeps, do you just leave the room?
I would use a key phrase after putting him down (call if you need me, night night) and just go.

If you feel this is too dependent on feeding you could try feeding earlier and possibly in a different room so that after he has finished his BT milk you then carry him to bed, talking, "I'll take you to your bed now so you can sleep", as this would put a little gap between the two.

With regards to picking up or not picking up during night wakings, both BW and the no-cry solution have phases where you are not supposed to pick up but rather use a hand, verbal reassurance key phrase etc.  I found with my DS he was a great independent sleeper but if he needed me he needed a pick up, that's just how he was.  He still went back down awake.