10m still struggling with naps!

[Melian Gray]

 Y E S !

I realised this weekend I'm at the end of my tether completely (like you picked up on the last post) and I'm happy to hear you say that I can drop the feeds as I respect your opinion massively.

I will stop BF before his nap TODAY, right now and will continue at BT for a few days. I'll use his Sippy cup and start using that instead of the bottle for milk after meals. I've been using half full cream cow's milk half water (what my mom did, is it better to do just milk?). And I have actually been giving him a snack in the afternoon around 3.30pm, not sure why I didn't include it. He doesn't always manage to eat much breakfast at breakfast and so his 'second breakfast' has effectively been a midmorning snack. Sorry, there's always so much information to convey, I don't always remember all the important information.

OK, I'll continue WU BF and BT milk (BF for now then just the milk with 'second supper' like you suggested) for a bit, until I decide to wean, and I'll continue BF at WU from his nap for a few days while my milk supply adjusts to not feeding to sleep.

From what I understand from what you've said while he is crying I'm just going to try to keep him in his crib without picking him up, unless I feel he really needs it, right? Can I just go for generally not picking him up? I'm wanting to be as binary as possible so that I can stick to it and not make some new prop. And how long is too long for crying? Is there any point when I must change tack? Previously I think 45min was a good time to stop, but with him being older I can imagine it would be longer?

T H A N K   Y O U  so much!

[Melian Gray]

Quick update, he went down for his nap after only 30min of crying! Expected it to be a whole lot longer. Very pleased Didn't pick him up, just kept gently putting him down. He only slept for 1h10min, but it was a bit later than normal so should easily be able to get him to bed early enough. Yay!

[Melian Gray]

And how long is too long for crying? Is there any point when I must change tack? Previously I think 45min was a good time to stop, but with him being older I can imagine it would be longer?

Need some advice on this. Last night he woke up at 23.00. At 23.17 he stopped crying and it looked as if he was going to fall asleep (I was so excited!), but he started crying again and did not settle until 11.2!! I did not feed him, just gave him water (and pain meds at 23.25).  I kept trying to problem solve what need he might have that was keeping him from sleeping (overheating, teething pain etc) but alas, he lost 2h20min of sleep!

He then woke again at 4.50. After 3min of him screaming I decided to just feed him, as I could just see him not going back to sleep and he'd lost quite a lot of sleep already.

I feel I did the right thing, and will try to not feed him for any NW tonight, but just thought I'd throw it out there and see if there's any insight from the more experienced people as to what to do in that situation. I didn't think feeding him after the prolonged crying would be all that helpful as then it just teaches him to cry longer to be fed, but then wasn't sure if I should also not feed him at the second NW even if it meant not going back to sleep. I'm most concerned with the 2h20min NW... He kept looking as if he would settle, but just wouldn't. Do you call it - take him out of his bed, switch the light on, sort out anything and everything you can find that might be wrong? I tried to not disturb him too much, he kept looking like he would fall asleep...

[creations]

The thing to remember at this point is that you are making some big changes and things will not be smooth sailing for a few days. He will very likely have a shorter nap or a shorter night or longer NW.  Don't worry as long as you are there with him and you stay calm, that is your key thing - do not join him in the frustration, you don't need to.  use all your energy to be supportive for him.

With PUPD at this age it is just put down.  Now, my DS could never settle back to sleep if he woke unless i picked him up so no matter how old he got he had a quick pick up cuddle and then down again, he settled very fast like that.  Tracy's PUPD method I have never used properly myself (didn't need to) but I do trust that it is fine to just put down and stay. Hand on if needed, key phrase is very helpful too. I have repeated key phrases like a hypnotic mantra before and that seemed to be helpful.
You can pick up if you feel it is helpful or if he is very upset but you can also trust that being with him and using your hand and voice is supportive.
You know he is well fed so these WUs and not settling back are frustration and the change to how he is to fall asleep.
If

Is there any point when I must change tack? Previously I think 45min was a good time to stop

Change tack if you lose your patience. Nothing is worth you losing patience and getting frustrated or angry, if you are you need to either stop (take him out of cot if it's nap time and just start A time) or walk away, take a very deep breath and go back.
So long as you are calm you can continue for 45 min or up until the end of nap time.

The NWs are not going to stay this long - he may have been OT from the shorter nap and he will have been frustrated.  it is going to settle down.
Do make sure he is getting his meals and milks and then trust he has no need for hunger in the night.

hugs too, you can do this x

[Melian Gray]

Hello again! I cannot tell you how pleased I am with the progress we have made!!! On day 2 he went to sleep in about 15min for his nap and only woke after BT at 5am. He cried for an hour and a bit, but then fell asleep again and that was the last time he woke up at 5am! The next day, when I put him down for his nap he didn't cry at all, just lay in his crib, eyes open, but happy, rolled around a bit and then fell asleep! I was by the door out of sight and he didn't even need me. Now he is basically falling asleep independently at his nap and BT and he is STTN consistently!

I had quoted various sections of your last post, but everything you said was just so helpful and really put me in the right frame if mind. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

We have turned the corner and while I know that at the next developmental leap we're likely to have a bit of difficulty with sleep (or at the next teeth, or whenever), I know that we won't ever go back to where we were at the beginning of this thread and I am just thrilled! I could not be more pleased with the outcome. Yay for a happy ending  Thank you again for all your help!

[creations]

Hi there, sorry it looked like I abandoned you, I have a very bad back and haven't been able to sit at the computer for over a week so I'm only just seeing your update.

And what an amazing update it is!!! 

Wow, you really put the work in and it paid off. He sounds very happy to go to bed and sleep well.  Lovely.

Thank you for taking the time to let us know the great news x