Author Topic: Please help with 3 month old sleep  (Read 2039 times)

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Offline Butterscotch2405

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Please help with 3 month old sleep
« on: March 02, 2018, 10:43:48 am »
I have a little girl, 3 months old.
I have been thinking of teaching her to self settle and have been reading up about it. She currently feeds to sleep, but what I don’t know is...

... is she feeding to sleep, or falling asleep in the middle of a feed?? And how do I know the difference?

She will fall asleep/feed to sleep lying upstairs and if I lie with her she will have up to a 2 hour nap. However, if I get up and leave her sound asleep, she will 9/10 wake up 15 mins after I have left.  She won’t settle back to sleep again, and I have to feed her and settle her again.

So how do I go about teaching her to self settle?
I have heard about the EASY routine, eat, activity, sleep, yourself (wow, the very idea of having time to myself!!😂)
Anyway, how do I go about settling her without feeding her to sleep? I know her sleep cues now, and she sometimes will take a dummy, so do I just lay her down upstairs and pop the dummy in and leave, returning to pop dummy back in when it falls out?
She is mostly breastfed, and maybe one or two bottles a day, which she usually falls asleep during also.

How does this work in the night then, will she need fed back to sleep then, as we won’t be getting up for an activity then?

Do you think I have left it too late to try any routines on her now?

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Re: Please help with 3 month old sleep
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2018, 20:33:42 pm »
Hello and welcome to BW forums :)

Do you think I have left it too late to try any routines on her now?
It is definitely not too late. Lots of people don't hear of BW until their LO is much older. You can start any time you are ready either to put in place a routine or to also teach independent sleep (sleep training).

... is she feeding to sleep, or falling asleep in the middle of a feed?? And how do I know the difference?
Honestly I have no idea.  The way I knew my LO had finished eating and had a full feed was that he ate when he woke up from his nap or during his A time and never went to sleep mid feed.  My assumption is that a LO is going to make sure they have enough to eat (they are pretty good at knowing when they are hungry) so will either fill up and then nod off (still feeding) or if they nod off before they are full they will want another feed before 3hrs is up.  You might already have a feeling one way or the other if your LO has had a full feed before nodding off.

if I get up and leave her sound asleep, she will 9/10 wake up 15 mins after I have left.
This is because she knows you have gone. She can sense in her sleep you are not there and will wake up to see what happened to you, where did you go? Is there a problem?  Knowing she is safe is more important to her than sleeping.  The idea with sleep training is that she will feel confident and safe to sleep alone so it won't matter that you are not there, she will still feel relaxed and safe.
She won’t settle back to sleep again, and I have to feed her and settle her again.
This part is (F2S) feeding to sleep, she is looking for comfort because she woke and you weren't there. And she doesn't know another way to fall to sleep.  You can teach her another way.

The best way to start is to prepare yourself with information, know what you are doing before you begin.  Have you read any of the BW books?  I would really recommend reading at least one (Secrets of the Baby Whisperer) if you haven't already.  You might be able to order one on-line or from your library.  Then you would have a good understanding of the idea and ethos of the EASY routine and BW methods before starting.
If you can't get hold of the book there is a lot of info on the forums, you can start here:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=186622.0
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=248483.0

How does this work in the night then, will she need fed back to sleep then, as we won’t be getting up for an activity then?
At night there is no A time after eating so you put LO straight back to bed. Many people find that they can F2S at night and I doesn't affect the ability to teach independent sleep for day time naps.  If there are very many night wakings though and LO can't ever go back to sleep without feeding then you might want to change that and help her to learn how to go back to sleep without F2S.  You would never cut out a feed where LO is hungry though.
My DS never fell to sleep on his night feed but I did put him straight back to bed awake and he would just go back to sleep.

I hope this helps a bit.
It might seem like a lot to read through initially (I'd find it easier with the book personally) but we are here if you have any further questions about any of it.


Offline Butterscotch2405

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Re: Please help with 3 month old sleep
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2018, 21:17:46 pm »
Thank you, that was a very helpful reply.

I really want to start with the daytime naps. I (or anyone/husband, grannies)would love to be able to put her down to sleep, either with dummy/comforter and with minimal fuss ( tiny wee bit of upset would be understandable initially) and then she would drift off to sleep.
Her nighttime wakings are ok for now I think, as she seems to still need a feed or two in the night as she feeds furiously for at least 15 mins before falling asleep again.

So I have been trying with the naps... feeding her till she is almost asleep, and removing myself, and letting her drift off herself, which has been working well. My husband is doing the same with the bottle, removing it, so she isn’t using it as a comfort suck.

How do we build up from that to not feeding at all?
And now, whilst I am still feeding to sleep, hopefully less and less each time, how can I then get up from the bed and leave without her being happy that I’ve gone and staying asleep?
Sometimes she will let me leave and sometimes she won’t.
Just now she has a cold and I think a growth spurt, as she is a little out of sorts, so she is even waking at me just turning from on my side for feeding onto my back. She seems to be sleeping very lightly,
and it doesn’t seem to matter whether I attempt to move after 10mins or 1/2 an hr, or 45 mins, she still wakes again.

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it.

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Re: Please help with 3 month old sleep
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2018, 11:12:33 am »
Her nighttime wakings are ok for now I think, as she seems to still need a feed or two in the night
She will need night feeds for a good while yet.

Do you feed when she wakes in the morning and from naps?  When LOs feed after waking it is easier to stay awake for the full feed. She might still want to comfort suck before the nap and for that you can do as you are which is to put a little time between E and S and replace it with comforting in arms and in the cot with shush/pat. It is likely to take longer to get her down than simply feeding to sleep but this effort to help her feel secure is how you gently teach her that you will always return when needed but that she can also sleep in her cot without you laying next to her.
Actually - is she in a cot??  Just re-reading your post it sounds like you are laying on a bed together for naps.  You would need a safe place for her to sleep rather than on a bed alone.

Initially you can shush/pat all the way to sleep in arms if that is needed, then lay her down and continue to shush/pat in the cot until she reaches deep sleep (another 20 mins) and then gradually reduce the shush/pat so that it is not a sudden stop.  Reduce the weight of the pat and vary and slow the rhythm of the pat. If she stirs add in more, if she is still and fine then reduce. If she fully wakes and is upset you will likely need to pick up and sooth in arms again, all the way to sleep then as before putting down and continuing the shush/pat in the cot.

As this progresses you will start to put her down drowsy, shush/pat in arms until she is nodding her eyes and continue shush/pat in the cot. Increase as needed and reduce when possible.
You will be working towards the goal of having a good soothing wind down including the shush/pat in arms and then going into the cot awake but relaxed and being able to say a phrase such as "sleep well, call if you need me" and leave the room (or if she is napping in the family room for instance you say it and walk away but are still in the room).

If you are laying with her on a big bed you can stop laying so still. Get her used to you shifting your weight and moving.  As she gets drowsy and starts to nod off you can put some distance between you.  There is a description here:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0
As I said before though, you wouldn't be able to leave the room until she is sleeping in a safe cot/basket rather than on a bed.

Changing the way LO falls to sleep will initially mean it takes longer for her to fall asleep and she might not seem to sleep quite as well but the point is that eventually she will be able to fall to sleep without you laying by her, holding her or feeding to sleep. This gives you a little more time to do other things or get a break.  It can seem like more work in the first stages of sleep training as you are required to stay alert to her rather than relaxing by her side. Hope that makes sense.