22 month old still breastfeeding to sleep and won’t let me stop.

[laura034]

Hi my son Oliver is 22 months old and I’m still breastfeeding. Two months ago I managed to cut him down to a quick feed before bed and maybe 1 quick feed at about 3am. I was happy with this as he self soothed for his naps so thought eventually he’d do that at bedtime too, but for the last 2 weeks he’s been having his last feed then refusing to sleep he feeds then I lay him down and he just cries until he gets boob again this goes on for up to an hour until he finally gets exhausted. I tried just staying with him and stroking his back but he just sits up and screams until he’s sick.
A bit of background information I had post natal anxiety with my first and second sons that was linked to sleep training them the crying makes me panic so really want a gentle approach if possible.
Also Oliver has dairy and soya allergy so has never had a bottle or dummy for comfort. He is teething his last set of molars but doesn’t seem too bothered by them in the day.

His routine is
Wake 5.30-6.30
Nap 12 2hrs
Bedtime 7.30 but lately anytime up to 8.30

Thanks for reading all this hope you can help.

Laura

[Haribo2012]

Hi just popping on quickly to give hugs, I didn’t breast feed so can’t really comment on that but he is using you as his comfort so you need to try and replace this with something else. Does he have a lovely or soft toy he sleeps with? A top of yours do he can smell you sometimes helps.

Can anyone else, partner, hubby, grandparents do bedtime for a while? Would he have a drink out of cup whilst reading a story and having a cuddle!?

With regards to the crying, try and remember that as long as you are with him you are reassuring him that your not leaving him alone and that is totally different to walking away.

Any sleep training or breaking a habit when they get older will be met with resistance so you may get some tears. Can you try some gradual withdrawal or someone else do the inital few days so that you don’t feel anxious about it!? Maybe you go out for a walk to remove yourself?x

[laura034]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me.
Oliver has a blanket that he sleeps with and sucks on for naps and before naps he is happy to have a cup of coconut milk but he just won’t have any of it at bedtime he only wants me. My husband is willing to help but has never put him to bed before. I think I’ll ask him to put Oliver down for his nap and when he’s used to that see if he will accept him at bedtime.
Thanks Laura x

[Haribo2012]

I would just let dad do it and go out for a bit! With DS1 he only ever wanted me but second time round I made sure Dad did it and I was out of earshot! Often goes better with daddy lol x

[dache]

I dont have advice for the bt. I usef gradual withdrawal  for everything-sleep training, dummy weaning, night feeds (she was bottle fed) and it worked well for us. But I wanted to drop some hugs because I understand  how crying trigers anxiety. My first had really bad reflux and for the first 6 months she cried a lot. It was traumatizing. So any time my 3 month old cries it takes me back. Thank God she is an angel baby! But as Zoe said, when you are with them the criying is hard for us, but they know you are there for them. Maybe earplugs can help?

You said he has coconut milk before bt. We are dairy and soy free too. Personaly, when I have coconut milk my enery level rises. Maybe it's me but I tought it's worth a mention.

[laura034]

Thanks for your replies. Well my husband tried to put him to bed last night. Oliver enjoyed having stories and cuddles with his dad but as soon as he put him in his cot he started to cry for me. My husband tried his best to settle him but Oliver was having none of it. In the end I went in. We just couldn’t do it so guess I’m stuck with the feeding. Now the early waking is getting worse too. Yesterday it was 5.20 today 5am. So last night Oliver only got 9hrs sleep that can’t be enough can it?

Yesterday went like this.

5.20 awake
11.45 nap 2hr
Asleep 8pm

It’s only 6.45am and he’s cranky and having tempers. I’m so fed up!

Thanks laura

[Haribo2012]

I know it’s hard but you can change it if you want you just have to stick to your plan and not give in.

The EW could be with him approaching 2nd birthday they have massive language leaps at this age but also I’d push that nap later and keep it set at say 12.15 and up from nap by 2.15 into bed 13 hours after WU.

[*Ali*]

Do you think maybe he's ready for a shorter nap or later bedtime? Our days got really long just before we cut the nap. Do you do a sufficient wind down before bed?

Is he actually falling asleep with the breast in his mouth? Maybe try removing it as he drops off and just snuggling him a bit more until asleep for now.

Or it could be a phase they'll pass on its own.

[laura034]

Thanks you for answering me.
I was thinking it might be the nap because the other day we went out so he only had 45min nap and he went to sleep really quickly that night and I didn’t have to go back to feed him a second time.
I normally feed him until his eyes are completely shut then I transfer him into his cot he used to wriggle a bit then go to sleep but lately he sits up and wants to feed again.
How much should I cut off the nap do you think?

Thanks laura

Thanks Laura

[*Ali*]

Id probably try 1.5hrs to start and then 1hr if that doesn't work after a week.

[laura034]

Thanks I’ll let you know how we get on x