Turning 12 mo - Haven't slept in a year / Night weening feels impossible

[breanna220]

Whelp, I feel like I'm raising the white flag. My LO wins.
We have always had a horrific time sleeping. We had had monthly cycles of cold > ear infection > antibiotics > repeat for a total of 5 months. We are having tubes put in on the 27th. We have also had other illness sprinkled in to that as well as teething. Wakeups have always been pretty constant. Just as I thought we were turning a corner with her first wake up at 3, dare I say 4am, we are back to a bad night. With an early wake up between 11-1 and then 2-4 hours after that. Additionally she always wakes to eat around 5am. I could deal with the 5am eating if that was all. But as you see, it is not.

-I am convinced pick up put down won't work.
- I have tried just lengthy snuggles and another method to get her back to sleep. That won't work.
-Going in to check on her without getting her would upset her more.
-I don't agree with extinction method... largely because I think she could go the distance. She would literally cry for hours.

My kid is very "strong willed".
For example, she woke up at 11:30 and I decided she didn't need to nurse. She fussed cried squirmed, flailed, would not go back to sleep. No snuggles in the world would help. I would try putting her back down after being calm/veryyy drowsy only to have her scream her face off. The longest I have gone doing this sort of pick up put down, trying rocking/bouncing/holding, etc is 2.5 hours until I am too exhausted and give in.

I also try letting her cry. If she isn't hysterical I will let her fuss and cry out. Last night she went 35 minutes of fussing until she became hysterical. I tried for 25 minutes after that of snuggles, rocking, bouncing, etc only to once again lose the battle and nurse. We were up from 3:30-5am even though she woke up at 11:30 (to nurse). Even if by some miracle she stops fussing after 15-20 min in the middle of the night when I don't go in, she will wake up approx. 30 minutes later, more upset than the last time and I have to go get her.

We have a lovey, she won't take a pacifier, she goes to bed drowsy but awake with a very consistent routine. It doesn't seem to matter regarding naps. ie. sometimes daycare lets her sleep from 12-2 or 2:30 so I ensure we are pretty much in bed early or very close to it by 6:30-6:45. Even if she does a later afternoon nap, she is still ready for bed by 7-7:15. She gets about 3 hours of sleep during the day over the course of 2 naps. I even do her routine before the eye rubs and yawns start flowing. She is a good eater and gets a top off 20-30 min. before bed. The Dr. says she "might" have reflux but the diagnosis was anecdotal and pretty recent for her age (she turns 1 next week). She is on Zantac but honestly I can't tell if her tummy is even a contributing factor anymore. Teething seems extra miserable lately, she started walking, and she is in a leap, but honestly I feel like those are just excuses. We haven't slept in 1 year.

Any thoughts? Because I officially don't have any anymore...Thanks Everyone.

[Haribo2012]

Hi there oh my you must be exhausted so massive hugs.

Cry it out is not a method we support at BW sonitd great you don’t like leaving her. She is too old really for pick up put down it’s prob more stimulating than relaxing.

She has got used to you being her sleep cue and comforter and she hasn’t learnt how to resettle which with all the illnesses you’ve had going on I can understand.

Lots of frequent wakings can also be down to discomfort so it could be reflux still causing issues of it could be teeth/ears etc, are you medicating at wake ups to see if it helps?

I’d personally stop the feeding I know it’s hard but if she’s eating well in the day she won’t need a feed at this age. Maybe try gradual withdrawal by sitting next to her calming voice telling her it’s sleep time, she is strong willed so it will be a battle but you have to decide who’s strongest so giving in makes her aware of she screams and protests you give in. Offer some water in a sippy cup maybe but otherwise reassurance that it’s sleep time and repeat. It may seem like a rough few nights but if your consistent she will get it.

If pain is causing wakes ups then might be worth keeping an eye on if certain foods make nights worse!?

Sorry quick reply but thought I’d offer some hugs x

[*Ali*]

Lots of breastfed babies still wake to nurse at this age. Are you not tempted to wait until after her op at least to force the night weaning? She probably needs the comfort and maybe the painkillers in breastmilk are easing the discomfort of the infections and the sleep hormones are helping her settle back to sleep.

[breanna220]

Thank you both. So we had the ear procedure on Friday. It was well needed apparently because grossness came pouring out of her ear the second the incision was made. I did decide to wait to deal with this until after that procedure was over to see if that brought any night time relief. The past 3 nights have been:

Surgery day: up at 9, up every 30 minutes from 12-2, up for the day at 4:30 due to surgery call at 5am.
Since then it has gone:
wake up at 11, 3, up at 5:45
wake up at 10, 2, awake ar 5:15
wake up at 11, 3, up at 5.

At least before she wasn't up for the day in the 5o'clock hour. Early wake up combined with the other wake ups has been tough. I should also note, the day she woke up every 30 minutes, my mother took her... she did not eat (because she wasn't allowed for pre-op).

So it's either habits, or her stomach. She is also insanely snotty which I am sure doesn't help.

[cath~]

I had similar with my DD2 and I think the waking and then needing/wanting a feed to resettle at this age was largely habit, not hunger.  The EWs could be an indication of needing a routine change, eg. at her age she might be nearly ready for 1 nap, or just one short nap and one longer one (as an intermediate step to dropping the nap).  I think you said she still has 2 naps?

How have you been resettling her with the NWs since the op?  Always with a feed?  If so, you could try having a read through this post to see if it helps: 
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.msg1845481#msg1845481

Another idea would be (if you can) to get some one else to handle the NWs for a few days to get her to drop the NFs.  Could your OH or mother help?

With my DD2, once we cut out the NFs her NWs improved a lot.

[breanna220]

Thank you. I agree it would be easier if someone else took her but my husband travels a ton. And even when my mom goes in, the standoff can be intense and hours long. Oddly, the past week or so was a consistent pattern of 11ish and 4ish. But last night, she woke up at 10:30 fussing. I didn't go in. Then, every 30-45min she would wake up fussing and crying again for several minutes until finally by 2:30 she stood up and was considerably more upset and I had to go get her. 1. That is bad sleep. 2. I am 100% convinced if I had just gone in and nursed the first time she would have slept soundly for that few hours. She did this same thing with my mom last week for like 2 hours. ( would re-fuss and cry every 30ish min.) She is very strong willed at how many hours she will go. Therefore I have no clue how sleep training would work. Picking her up would make her more upset I think especially if it's me and I won't nurse her. She didn't fully settle when it was my mom either. She goes the distance in hours when it comes to protesting. And I don't want to just abandon her altogether since this is def. a comfort issue. I am at a loss here. The nap situation is stupid. Daycare insists on making her nap 12-2. So she takes a power nap in the am from 9-9:30 then sleeps from 12-2. 2pm is too early and its too many hours so I have to scramble to get her to bed early so she isn't super overtired. IT IS THE WORST.

[Haribo2012]

Hi how are things now?