Suddenly wound up at bedtime

[Lilo's mom]

Hello!

DD is 17 months, and usually I put her down to bed after a bottle (in a dark room) and some cuddle. When she goes to bed, she's either asleep or very drousy, and even if she is not asleep she stays alone in her bedroom.
For a week or so now, though, she's been quite awake at bedtime. She drinks her bottle in the dark room, then I'm staying with her a while more since she has a very light cough and need inhalation. After the inhalation session, if I try to put her to bed, she cries and doesn't accept to be in the crib unless I keep my hand on her. If I take my hands off her she cries. If I leave the room she stands up and screams for mommy. I don't know why she is so wound up at bedtime (it has nothing to do with the cough, before you can think it has , we've transitioned to one nap about two months ago and she was just fine.
Anyone been through this?

Thanks!

[Conniesmummy]

Hi, it could be separation anxiety, it can peak around 18 months.
My LG had it and became very upset when I was leaving her at Nursery. She settled again, like everything, it’s just a phase they go through x

[Lilo's mom]

THAnks! Yes, I agree, it is likely separation anxiety. What is the correct way to help her settle? I don't want to rock her to sleep (even because it would take her over an hour to fall asleep); I have tried to let her cry a bit but she stands up and cries and the cry escalates so I don't have the heart to leave.
I don't want to keep my hands on her until she sleeps either, afraid that I'd develop a new bad habit.
I know it will pass, but this one is being too tough...... not sure what to do!!!

[creations]

What is the "inhalation" she is getting for the cough? Is it an over the counter medicine or a prescribed inhaler such as for infant asthma?
some of those can stop them sleeping.  Can you move the inhalation to much earlier in the BT routine, say before bath time and the usual wind down so that it isn't so close to sleep time and doesn't disturb her regular WD?

During SA the best way is to be with your LO as much as possible, accepting that they need more cuddles, more help, more time, is really the best way to help them through it and for me once I accepted what I needed to do it was far less frustrating for me too.

I've always found that having more hands on with stroking or rocking in the bed or keeping a firm hand on etc has not ruined my DS's habits.  Generally once the SA phase passes they just return to not needing you as much, or it is a very simple short wean of the additional help.
I've also, a few times, just shifted my DS's BT later, it if was taking him an hour to go to sleep I've moved BT say 30-60 mins later to reduce the amount of time we are up there, even though I know he needed the sleep.  Again, once the phase had passed I was able to bring BT back to it's regular time.
Another thing I've done (so long as he wasn't actually crying) is set up a book and a coffee outside his room and made myself comfortable expecting to be there 30 - 60 mins giving verbal support, in my DS's case it was "it's night time, go to sleep" and "everything is Okay, I'm right here, go to sleep" and repeated many many times when he called for me but was not actually crying or distressed.

Try not to worry about habits too much, LOs going through SA do need extra support because of how they feel.  It will pass eventually.

[Katet]

Illness of any type tends to make children more in need of physical comfort. Tie in her age & SA  it can make bedtime more difficult. It's actually a very counterproductive process to think too much about "I don't want to create a bad habit" over thoughts of "what is my child needing when they get upset & how can I help them"  Getting upset and calling for help is the only way we can communicate the problem we are faced with is too big to handle alone. IMHO if she is getting upset at bedtime, then what is happening in her life (be it illness, SA /growing up & starting to have fears - which is Part of SA) is too big for her to push aside & she needs comfort and trust to relax enough to sleep. 

I don't know why she is so wound up at bedtime (it has nothing to do with the cough, before you can think it has

I find that comment rather interesting because how can you know that any type of ill health has nothing to do with anything else... ill health almost always has an impact on sleep (longer/shorter/ heavier/more unsettled) even if it is the start or end of illness, there is no way you can guarantee it isn't part of the problem.
 
The only thing I can say is constant as my children have grown up... is uncertainty... they keep growing up and their needs change, but over the years I also know that a constant was that at times of stress (illness, change in their lives etc) bedtimes have been harder... it's only now they are both in their teens that I don't occasionally get the "lie with me & stroke my hair/cuddle me" when they can't settle... but I know that my Cousin's Grandson who is almost 2, is up and down with his emotional needs at bedtime depending on what is going on with him in terms of health & environment.

Over the years the one thing I've learned is if you focus on looking at what the child needs rather than what we hope the outcome to be, the connection is better and trust is built because they know I'm on their side.  I totally get it can be exhausting that bedtime takes longer than it used to, but honestly it's not for ever & one day you'll really miss the fact they go off to bed without needing you!!

[Lilo's mom]

Mommies, please help me understand now... So DD was fussy at bedtime and she kept on waking up in the middle of the night and remained awake for 1-2h.

Then... I left for a work travel and I've been out for 10 days now. DH is the one taking care of everything and... guess what? No bedtime fussiness or night wakings.

What is happening? Is mom bothering the house dynamics??   

But seriously now, I wanted some advice on how to do things when I am back. I am getting home Saturday AM and DH will travel for work Sunday night. (we don't usually travel this much, it was actually an unfortunate coincidence). I am very much afraid that DD starts night waking again just to check out if mom's in. I thought of asking DH to do her bedtime routine (it's usually mine) - so, I'd spend the whole day Saturday with them and them at night daddy takes care of her - kind of an intermediate way to be back to the routine - afterall, Sunday night I will have to do it again as he'll travel.

What do you think???

Thanks!!