Hello and welcome to BW forums.
Sorry to see you didn't get a reply yet, we do try to ensure all threads receive a reply within 24 hrs but it is not always possible.
Please please please stop feeling like a failure as a mother. You are NOT a failure. You have done everything you possibly could for your little baby.
Please do not feel that you have done everything wrong, or anything! Babies need holding and babies need feeding these are not the wrong things to do for your LO, you have shown your LO lots of love and support and care, and that is what a GOOD mummy does. Please let go of the guilt.
Breast feeding on demand is the best start for your baby. Yes some habits can form if you feed to sleep but this can be weaned, don't worry. The benefits of BF in terms of getting the best food and the best comfort and bonding opportunity is worth any kind of AP or habit that has happened. Don't worry.
Shush/pat for new borns is generally started in arms and continued until LO is asleep in the early days (then they are put in the cot) - this is what you have done and it is totally fine. Again don't worry. The bonding gained by holding and soothing your baby is priceless, you have done him good, not harm. Sure you might be exhausting yourself and it might not be sustainable long term (holding a new born for sleep is quite easy compared to holding a toddler for sleep when they are super heavy and you start to get a bad back, bad wrist etc), that's the idea behind the EASY routine and methods of sleep training, to aim for a respectful and sustainable method of soothing and helping your baby to sleep whilst also taking care of yourself. But you must never feel you did the wrong thing by holding and comforting your baby. Cuddles are never a bad thing
Many people do not find BW until their LO is much older and whatever age your LO is we can support you and help you to work towards a suitable routine and sleep training methods.
The only thing we don't agree with here is leaving a baby to cry alone, no controlled crying, no crying it out.
Let me see if I can answer some of your questions.
Last few days I managed to successfully shush pat DS to sleep in his cot,
This is great
Doing the WD (wind down, the 4s) is fine in arms but getting him to actually nod off in the cot is wonderful progress. It is always okay to lift him back up if he is too agitated or unsettled, shush/pat in arms and again lay him down when calm. Each baby is an individual so there is no timing restriction on this process, you do what is needed, and put down when suitable. For instance I learned with my LO that he needed to be in his cot before the "seven mile stare" because otherwise his view point changed and he would have to start all over again with the process of falling to sleep staring at a new spot, also when he woke mid nap he needed his seven mile stare to have the same spot to stare at. We had previously been winding down sitting and actually this had caused his seven mile stare spot to be a plant behind me in the corner of the room (strong tonal contrast between the light wall and the dark plant) so when I moved him to the cot he didn't like it - getting him in the cot first really helped once he found his new spot and got used to it.
You might find that if you continue to shush/pat beyond the 30 mins your LO will learn to stay asleep longer. Shush/pat is advised to continue for 20 mins after sleep to help LO get to the deep sleep stage, if though your LO is waking at 30 mins I would go beyond that time to help him. It might be possible for you to shush/pat to sleep, leave for 10 mins to get yourself a super fast cuppa, and go back in to see him through the 30 min mark. Shush/pat for as long as needed, pick up if necessary and continue in arms to calm him.
His nap is so short, i often struggle to keep to the routine of 3 hours unless I successfully extend his nap, what should I do here?
If LOs do not sleep the full nap they might be hungry earlier than the 3hr E time. In this case feed earlier, it's fine. There is no requirement to feed after every wake up though so if you tried for a nap and it was short you don't automatically need to feed if it's only been 2hr and he is not hungry.
how do I extend his nap if he gets agitated and not let me shush pat him back to sleep
The description I gave above about starting shush/pat before he wakes is called W2S (wake to sleep) here is a FAQ
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=223809.0Look at naps option 1. You always adapt to suit your LO.
This method is really helpful because you begin soothing before he fully wakes so there is great chance of success.
If he does fully wake and you try to resettle I would suggest not continuing for more than 40 mins, if he is on the verge of sleep then maybe more than 40 mins but if he is kick up a big fuss then perhaps less than 40 mins. If you are starting to feel frustrated give up on that nap and get on with your A time - it isn't worth the upset.
Would it be wise for me if I perhaps put DS to have 1 nap using the sling/wrap to help him sleep longer. will that affect his sleep train. ( I would hate for him to get another AP prop) ultimately i hope eventually he can sleep independently.
Lots of people work on one nap at a time. If you would like to do this it is fine. LOs tend to form habits so I would suggest if you chose one nap for the cot do that same nap every day in the cot for consistency. If you choose one (or more) naps in the sling or pram then do the same ones each day. This way you are likely to form the cot habit more easily rather than switching it about every day.
Whilst it might take longer overall doing one nap per day it is easier on parents and helps to keep LO better rested. Don't worry about it. Once one nap is in place in the cot you can choose another to work on. You might also decide you want to keep a nap or two outside the cot, this can make it much easier to attend BF groups or other baby groups. Again, if it's possible try to go out the same time each day. it's actually very handy to have a LO who can sleep in the sling or pram, mine wouldn't (independent sleeper in his cot) and it did cause me some struggles which I had to deal with.
Since starting on EASY routine, I have basically not brought him down to the living room and kept him in our room to avoid further stimulation but now i am beginning to wonder whether I should have ( he sleeps in his own cot but its attached to our bed.) what is your opinion about that
It sounds to me like this is probably not particularly good for your own sanity.
I know you care about your LO and are worried about the amount of sleep he is getting but you must also take care of yourself. Sitting in one room, frequently a darkened room, shush/patting the day away is not good for anyone's mood. Your LO will also learn the difference between "day" and "night" or "nap" by where you are in the house too. When it is Activity time, go and do something in a nicely lit room with the sun coming in, or get outside. Go to a baby group or for a walk, get some fresh air and sun.
As said before you can choose one nap to work on and dedicate that part of the day to really focusing on the sleep training. Then get out somewhere.
Your EASY.
Looking at your times I would suggest you try to start your wind down a bit earlier and aim to have LO asleep by 1hr 20 or 1hr 30 since he woke from his night sleep or previous nap. Your first A time is a touch long for his age, it is impossible to get it spot on because you are shush/patting and hoping for him to nod off, I know, but if you start a bit earlier you might get him to sleep by 1hr 20 and this may help his nap length.
After the first nap I suggest you time the A time, we look for sleep cues but watching the clock can also be helpful. A time is all the time from when he wakes to when he sleeps, it including any time spent when he was awake and you were trying to resettle and any time you are doing wind down. On your sample the A time between nap 1 and nap 2 is almost 2hr 20. This is likely because you've been focusing on trying to get on the EASY routine and this is one way of sleep training by sticking to set times for a while, but it is quite hard too. Instead note the time he wakes from nap 1, try to get him back to sleep but if he doesn't then use the wake up time as the start of the A and aim to get him back to sleep by 1hr 20 again. This will help to avoid OT. Some people even reduce the A time following a short nap, if he is looking very tired and giving signals you can put him down earlier, say 1hr.
he was basically breast fed to sleep
It doesn't look like you are still feeding to sleep. If you are we can look at ways to gradually wean this so that it moves from sleep time.
I hope this helps some. Sorry there is so much to read and wade through when you must be feeling so short of time and very tired.
Please feel welcome to ask further questions and to post updates on how you are getting on.
And please, no more guilt, you are a great mum and have been doing all you have through love and care
