Thanks for the additional information, it's really helpful.
It looks like the sleep consultant and the CC was only for the last 4 days, not so long then. Here's what I'd do, give your LO a really lovely cuddle and tell him what has happened, tell him, out loud, how you got mixed up and wanted to get help for his sleeping, how you listened to someone else instead of listening to him (or because it was hard to understand him and mummy was trying her best), and that it's is over now and you're sorry. Whilst at under 6 months he might not understand all the words you say he will certainly understand the sentiment and honesty and it will likely do you a heap of good too. Put the past behind you. We all make mistakes.
It's how we choose to move on that matters.
Looking at your routine from before it went off track, 5 months old, it was a great routine. A time in the morning was on the higher end of our guidance times and the second A time was at the lower end. Most 5 month olds we'd expect to see with a firm CN (40 min) for the third nap and I see yours was taking only 20 min and possibly not every day. Based on those timings and your description of his resistance to naps when it went off track I'd say he is probably just a little ahead the guidance per age but not significantly beyond and possibly needed a small increase and some help to settle into a different routine. Some LOs do drop a nap very early but they are doing significantly longer A times from a younger age.
(your sleep consultant could be using totally different guidance times, I have seen routines where babies do not drop to 2 naps until 8 months, with BW we usually see the drop to 2 naps at 6 months. This nap drop being so completely different in different methods could explain why your consultant said he is more like 7/8 month old. I'm just guessing)
So I am thinking of what to do at the moment. I first want to tackle the over-tiredness so was thinking for the next few days I'd try and do an early bedtime of 5.30/6 and go for naps by his cues alone - I take your point on not longer than 3 hours, but was thinking more along 2.5 to start with. And I would get him to nap by any means necessary. Once his sleep is more restored, then I would restore EASY, and perhaps proceed on a 3 hour basis.
This is fine. As you set out on this with the 2hr 30 A time though I want to remind you that this was his first A time at 5 months and he was resisting naps. If he is very OT now he may well need a short A time to help him catch up. If though he is resistant to the sleep wind down I suggest you take him out of the room for more A time (described above) rather than ploughing ahead trying to force him to sleep. You are a team working together on his sleep and figuring this out together.
Here's a link to guidance A times so that you can see where he was 3 wks ago and where he is likely to be heading now:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=84884.0It may well be that he needs longer than 3hrs once you have all this settled down but you won't know that until you calm him down andfalling to sleep is more relaxing again.
I also want to get a sense of how to best put a 6 month old (fairly large child) to sleep - I feel like I've read contradictory things about pat/shush at this age? When I do try and pat him these days, he pushes my hand away so not sure he likes that. I'm definitely holding him to sleep at least for the next few days, but how else best to soothe him? He also has reflux so not sure about PU/PD.
Rather than thinking of how to "put him to sleep" (I know Tracy uses this language in the books but I'd like you to approach in a different way if that's okay) instead think along the lines of how you can support him when he needs it whilst he puts himself to sleep. You can help him as much as is needed, often following his cues on when he would like some extra help and when he doesn't need it. Your role in the team is to provide the relaxation, the calm environment, the quiet (or white noise), and the offer of help if it is tricky for him, to always return without delay when he needs you, but you can't force him to sleep, he has to do the nodding off.
PUPD is not suitable for refluxers, it's like shaking a fizzy pop bottle. However if he is very upset you do pick up, cuddle for as long as needed, no timings, and put down when he is fully calm or even asleep if things are really hard. Even if you need to keep a hand on him after putting him down that's fine, do what it takes and show him you are there no matter how long it takes. Whether he is awake or asleep talk to him and tell him what you are doing, "I'm going to put you in your bed now so you can sleep properly", "I'm going to leave now, call if you need me and I'll come straight back".
If he doesn't like patting and pushes your hand off then don't pat. He might like a rub on his back or leg/hip instead. He might like a still firm hand. He might not. He might like his head stroked. He might not want you to touch him at all and if he is relatively calm then that's ok but it's sounds like he mostly isn't calm these days, he's crying hard. Pick up and sooth (it's okay to walk, rock or bounce a little if this is comforting to him, sing if he likes it, talk with him). When you put down again keep a hand on him but don't pat. If he pushes your hand off just sit there with him. Maybe use some verbal reassurance, "I'm right here, everything is okay, go to sleep". Introducing a key phrase is a great method of reassuring your LO and can be used for years.
Whilst you reconnect he may well cry louder and for longer. Be prepared for this. He may have a great deal to tell you about and he wants to be heard. You need to stay with him. Lots of deep breaths and stay calm. If it helps use ear plugs to dull the screaming, or put head phones with calming music for yourself. Never get angry or lose patience.
Go to him for every night waking, reassure him, stay if needed. Some people (me) set up a mattress or blanket on the floor by LO through hard times perhaps do this if the NWs are very long or frequent.
Early wake up, if you can resettle back to sleep then good. If not then for now count your A time from when he wakes, we don't always do this for early waking and often try to push out the nap later to encourage a longer night but for a few days I'd just go with it. Issues with WU time can be tweaked later.
I did restart some rice cereal this week after his 11am feed
Honestly I would just cut this out and hold off for another week or two. Rice is very low on nutritional value anyway so although it's a traditional weaning food these days it's pretty out dated and he could get gas or fill his tummy with low nutrition rather than the high nutrition of his milk. I'd focus on restoring peace and then have a think about solids in a week or two. Maybe look at some finger food options and BLW.
For what it's worth my refluxer couldn't eat rice in any form. Vommed every time, rice cake/cracker, rice pudding, boiled rice. Made him bad.
I agree with you that this solids intro is unlikely to be what's causing the problems but he doesn't actually need solids yet.
OK. Hope that's enough to get going
We're here to hand hold or let out your frustrations or ask questions.
