Author Topic: Help - completely lost mom  (Read 299 times)

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Offline Lilo's mom

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Help - completely lost mom
« on: July 11, 2018, 12:54:17 pm »
My DD is 18,5 months. She has learned how to sleep on her own since she was a small baby, but she has always had an erratic pattern during the night. She is a light sleeper so any noise can wake her up, or when she has a diaper rash she might wake up when she pees, or when she's teething she usually has a very bumpy sleep. And, of course, when sick. However, everytime she woke up, I would just go in, give her a bottle and she'd go back to sleep (alone in her crib) in a few minutes. And stay asleep until morning.
If nothing disturbed her, she would have 10-11 hours of non stop sleep.
Then we went on vacations, 15 days out of her routine. It was very tiring for her. This was the beginning of May. By the end of the trip she was waking up in the middle of the night and was unable to sleep in her crib (one of those pack and play type of cribs). So, she'd be 2 hours in my arms until she was exhausted and finally slept.
We came back home and it took her 2 weeks to go back on track. In those 2 weeks, she'd wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for 2 hours. When she woke, we'd enter her bedroom, feed her, and put her in her crib still awake (like we've always done). And then she'd stand up, cry for mommy, and woud only sleep if she felt a light pressure in her head (I mean a really LIGHT pressure, literally just touching her head with the tip of my finger). After 2 weeks she finally slept throught the night again for a few nights and then it all started again. And then I left on a business trip for 10 nights.
The second night I was out, DH told me she just stopped crying for mom in the middle of the night. She was sleeping through again.
Night number 10 she woke up in the middle of the night and then the pattern repeated. The next following nights she'd wake and stay 1-2 hours awake, just able to rest if she felt the light pressure.
And then again out of the blue she started sleeping through.
Until 5 days ago... in which she started waking up 2 to 3 times a night. One or two times she sleeps real quickly, but one of the wakenings always lasts 1- 2 hours. In those long wakings, it is not that she wants to play. She doesn't wake up excited. She is always very sleepy, but somehow she doesn't sleep :( :(
Tonight, for instance, she woke up at 1 am, and went back to sleep after DH gave her a bottle. 20 min process.
Then... up again at 5. I went there to give her a bottle and she had those big eyes. She was not excited - she was just not sleepy. She could remain in my lap real quietly. I put her in her crib, she was absolutely drousy, but she wanted me to stay with her. I then tried to dont touch her - just stay nearby. But she would often raise her head to check if I was there, then she'd sit in the crib, lay down again, sit again... and, when she finally looked like she had slept, I'd leave her room. In 5 min she'd be standing up and crying for mommy again. This probably happened 5-6 times. Until eventually I gave up, picked her up, made her sleep in my lap and put her to bed. She just needed a little push to surrender... This time she stayed asleep but her sleep was agitated, she was kind of crying all the time she moved.
Her canines are cutting. As I said before, she's always been very sensible so this could be it. But I have been giving her pain killers before she goes to bed. It usually solves the problem when she's teething; this time it looks like it has no effect whatsoever.

I am incredibly tired, I feel like I am her slave. She will interrupt my sleep, that is all I know when I go to bed. And when she wakes up crying I jus have to obey her and quickly go there.
I have been trying to cope with all of this thinking it is just a phase, it is just a sleep regression, she is just teething..... but read again my summary above. It doesnt look like it is going to go away. Looks like she unlearned how to sleep on her own and that she has a very bad separation anxiety. And looks like it is with me.... she was OK when I was not around.

Help????





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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2018, 14:02:46 pm »
I feel your pain!  I distinctly remember the 3 nights of blissful uninterrupted sleep I got when my DS was between his canines and molars teething!

I think this really is a phase are are SO many things going on at this age. The teething went on all year for us, the 18 month regression, the language leaps the walking running jumping developments...all of it causes disturbance.

I would introduce a key phrase (everything is okay, go to sleep) and start using it when you settle her, I would aim to get away from the one finger reassurance by turning it into verbal reassurance and then outside the room verbal reassurance. I think it can be unsettling when LO falls to sleep with you there then stir and check and you are gone so if she's awake tell her you are leaving because it's night time, if she is asleep tell her in her sleep that you are leaving "Mummy is going to bed now, everything is okay, sleep well" or something like that.
Although you can't stop the SA and all the other problems it can really help to have a way to reassure when you are of the room. Some verbal from outside her door or even calling from your own bed as it means she gets a response but it's not a always a physical one. Obviously throughout if you have to go back in then you do...it 's a gentle process.

Sorry you are so tired. It WILL get easier!  12-24 months was hard for me in the night with all these disturbances but it really doesn't mean your DD can't self sooth or get back on track. It does sound like she needs some help to learn that when she wakes (the noises etc) it is okay to go back to sleep unless she really needs you.

hugs


Offline Lilo's mom

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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2018, 14:53:14 pm »
THANK YOU for your reply! :)
I try to do it... verbal reassurance. I tried several nights, laying her in her crib, saying good night baby, sleep well, mom is right in my room. But it didn't work... she stood up and cried for mommy, desperate.
Maybe I should try to sit in her room and wait for her to fall asleep, no touching but just be there until she sleeps? And then I can start distancing from the crib until I am out of the room???
Thanks!

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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2018, 17:14:48 pm »
Maybe I should try to sit in her room and wait for her to fall asleep, no touching but just be there until she sleeps? And then I can start distancing from the crib until I am out of the room???
You could do this, yes.  Personally I always felt it was better if I got out the room when he knew I was going, so for me more of a walk in walk out.  That doesn't mean I never ever stayed until he was fully asleep, of course I did if he was really in need of help but in general I felt things went better if he knew I was going and knew I would come back.
The gradual withdrawal is certainly an option though.  I think there's a thread on choosing which, have you read it?
I'll see if I can find it.


Offline Lilo's mom

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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2018, 20:15:19 pm »
Thanks! i am not familiar with that thread>>>
Thanks for looking into it!!!

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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2018, 08:37:45 am »
HI, I had to ask someone where the post was on gradual withdrawal and WIWO.
It's here:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0

and if you need to find your way back to it then it's FAQs, sleep, toddler specific sleep, in that post the second link.


Offline Lilo's mom

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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2018, 18:33:16 pm »
thanks
So tonight it was a horror too... DD woke up at 3 am, I fed her, cuddled a bit and she was still awake when I put her in her crib. I sat by the crib and stayed there and she was lying down quietly. She even slept a few times. Then I left the room and, by the time I was in my bed, she would wake up again, get up and cry for mom. I tryed REALLY hard to do the talking/not touching/only being present thing. I even layed down on the couch in her room and stood there for a long time. Then I left the room, she appeared to be asleep, and again, by the time I was nice and cozy in my bed she'd wake up again. Eventually at 5:30 I gave up. I picked her up and tried cuddling. Didnt work. I gave her another bottle. She went back to sleep at 6:10.

I was wondering. Should I keep trying to train her? Or should I try to get her to sleep again as fast as I can, even if it involves more cuddling time, to try to get her to wake up less during the night? I am thinking that, if she is waking up for a physical reason (e.g. tooth ache) or a psychological reason (e.g. separation anxiety) there is no point in trying to sleep train her now.

The only thing is that it is lasting too long........... So really at this point I can't say if it is a phase or a bad habit.

All I know is that this was the worse night ever, in both of my kids lives. At least what I am thinking is that nothing could be worse than tonight.




 

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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2018, 08:40:35 am »
I would cuddle her or put the hand/finger on her whichever is needed but also introduce the key phrase, keep repeating it like a mantra.  The more you reinforce the key phrase the easier it will be to switch to verbal reassurance but do it gradually. So yes, help her but use the phrase too.

Sorry you had such a bad night. I've had a efw like that with my DS where it feels the entire night has passed without sleep.  Teething is awful too, are you giving meds before BT?  And perhaps a dream meds?  My DS would sometimes open his mouth for the syringe of pain meds when I spoke to him and told him what was happening and he just took it and went back to sleep (ok there were other times he was screaming in pain and refused to take the meds - probably too upset to focus on what to do).

Hope tonight is better for you.


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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2018, 01:25:27 am »
Hi there! Me again. DD remained exactly as I was telling you for several days. Until thee days ago I traveled for work. The third night I was away, DD Slept through the night. First time in 4 weeks. Same thing happened when I traveled 5 weeks ago: she stopped waking up the 2nd night I was out.

So I am beginning to think that she wants my company. If she knows that I am not available, then no point in waking up. I know that I will miss these days and that they will eventually pass, but it is so tiring. Does this even make sense? Any advice???

Thanks

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Re: Help - completely lost mom
« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2018, 10:44:06 am »
Sorry the only advice I have is to try to fill her cup in the day so she isn't needing it filled at night.

I'm not going to be around for a little while so maybe start a new thread for more ideas, there must be people who have dealt with similar situations.