Nearly 3, night waking and wanting me to stay.

[choc]

So this is a completely new one to us, we haven't had this with either of the boys.
Ds2 is not a great sleeper, never has been. Is highly spirited. The last couple of weeks when he wakes in the night (which isnt unusual, usually for a wee or a quick tuck in) he now wants me to stay with him. It started with him saying he wanted to sleep in our bed which I said no to but think I must have said I will stay here next to your bed for a minute. Now that's what he asks for, stay with me for a little while. Sometimes I can stay for a few minutes and then leave, he is still awake when I leave. But more and more often now he will not let me leave. This came to a head last night when I had been doing it on and off from 12.30 am to 4am. I'm not sure if it was the heat stopping him sleeping but he would not let me leave. If I tried he screamed. Anyway about 4am I had a meltdown and started crying both because I was so tired at that point and because I felt like I would now be doing this every night for the foreseeable future. Dh heard my sobs and told me to leave. So I left, ds2 screamed for mummy. Dh shouted at him and held his door closed. Ds2 is screaming I want mummy and daddy let go. Ds1 is now up and awake too. I said to dh I don't want this it's not right, I'll go back and sit with him. Dh got a strop saying but you were crying what do you want me to do then etc. So then I sat back in his room crying because dh was cross with me and crying because it was now 4.30 and I still had only had 2 hours sleep and felt like this would how be my life every night.
So here we are this morning, tired, grumpy and not sure what to do. I know that he just couldn't sleep and needed his mummy. But 4 hours of sitting there! Did I do the right thing. Do I continue to do it? Hopefully it won't be that bad again but I feel so anxious when I think of tonight now.

[Johnnyha65]

I so feel your pain, my DS2 is a rubbish sleeper having only slept through (by that I mean until 5am) a handful of times, he will be 3 in October is spirited and cries when he wakes has done since birth no matter how much sleep he’s had. Things have stepped up a gear with him too over the last week or so, DH and I were actually talking about it today, sleep has worsened with more nightwakings and early morning starts, in the day he’s short tempered tired I guess and just seems to want/need more contact with me. He got very upset at nursery drop off this week too, I’m putting it down to Birthday leap coming up, or at least I’m hoping it’s that... and if on cue he’s awake first one of the night... back on later im sure

[choc]

It's such hard work after all these years isn't it! Does yours nap? We had to drop it because he wouldn't go to sleep until gone 9pm.
Well last night he slept through, typical. Had me worried all day and then slept perfectly! It only usually lasts one night though. So I'm sure I'll be back to sitting on the floor tonight.

[Buntybear]

Oh dear,, massive hugs for the other night. Sounds like DH blew a fuse, I am sure you can talk about it how to handle it differently next time 

Good Luck for tonight - TBH I am a bit of a softie so I probably would have stayed until he was fast asleep and then crept out. If he is normally sleep through it should't create a bad habit xx let us know how it goes xx

[MummyFi]

I don't actually have any advice but this thread came up through desperate googling this morning and I feel your pain.  My 3 year and 4 month old has been on and off waking for  the last couple of months and is getting progressively worse.  Last night peaked at 5 wakes.  I don't let her in our bed and take her back to hers.  At the point of desperation in the night (this morning as 5) I usually just sleep on her floor.  I'm obviously not doing anything right as its not got better but you're not alone and if you find the magic (gentle) solution pls share xx

[choc]

The last 2 nights have been OK, no night waking. Although he woke an hour early this morning. The only thing I think I have done differently is make sure I am spending some decent 1 on 1 time with him and extra kisses and cuddles through out the day. I don't think this would stop the night waking (it will start again, it always does) but am hoping he will feel more secure to go to sleep without me when he does wake. Who knows. This boy never sleeps well for long though so it'll all change by the end of the week. I just don't want to be trapped in his room again all night!

[*Ali*]

My 3yo went through a stage of this. I just go to sleep on her floor. I normally wake 45 minutes or so later and go back to bed. Occasionally she's kept waking when I've gone to leave and I've eventually told her mummy needs to get back in bed and left. If she's got upset I've stood at her door reassuring her until she's quiet and doesn't get disturbed by me going back to bed.

A dozen times in the last 8 months she has asked to get in with us and I've let her. She only does it once a month or so and it hasn't become a problem. I think being responsive to her needs has actually helped her be less needy.
The way I see it is she never used to need us at night and now she does so something has obviously changed (probably our new baby). I'm sure I could have refused and trained her not to ask but it wouldn't have acknowledged her genuine need for mummy at those times.

[choc]

Hi Ali, that was my feeling too, he genuinely needed me which is why I stayed but I was trying to get a sort of balance and not stay til he was totally asleep thinking he would wake and wonder where I'd gone! Anyway he has been back to normal the last few nights so hopefully thats it for a while!