1st time parents w/5 month old -- Multiple sleep issues

[Krisberg]

After reading some of the interviews here, my wife and I are guilty of accidental parenting  . Our 5 month old won't nap in the crib at all, he stares at the mobile and rolls over for a while before throwing a fit.  The only way he naps when at home with dad is being driven around in the car.  My wife can settle him down after 10-20 mins of pat/shh but he only stays napping for about 30-45 mins and most of the time he wants to BF to get to sleep.  The nights have gotten worse once he hit 4 months and now only sleeps in 45 min - 2hr intervals at night and we are going crazy.  He was using a pacifier when he was younger but now refuses that and instead seems to be using my wife as the pacifier.  Occasionally he will nap during the day for a 3 hr period if he is being held.  All in all, it seems like everything I've read here we are doing is wrong.

How do we get him to nap in the crib?

How can i get him to nap without having to drive him around?

How can we get him to sleep for longer than 2 hr stretches at night?

How can we get our sanity back?

Please help us with some of the issues if you can.  Thank you.

[creations]

Hello and welcome to BW forums

There is such a lot of information on the forum that it's possible to read all the information you need on the forum alone but I would really suggest that you get hold of a Baby Whisperer book if at all possible. it really helps to read about the approach and ethos of BW so that you get the general idea before proceeding with the methods.  Maybe you could get a copy from your local book shop or library? Although Tracy Hogg has passed on the books are still out there.
We can of course also help you here.
Here's a good place to start:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=186622.0
and there are heaps of FAQs you can look through when (if!) you get time:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=113.0
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=112.0

EASY, the BW routine, always starts with 3 days observation.  Jot down what time your LO eats, is awake, sleeps and make notes about how his mood was, how you got him to sleep, how long he slept and what happend when he woke.
From there you can look at the pattern and start to move your LO towards a suitable and consistent routine where you all know what is coming and what is happening next.
Once you have a reasonable routine you can start to sleep train.  The methods used in BW require you to stay with your LO and help him to gradually learn to sleep in his cot with your love and support, we don't agree with any form of controlled crying which can break the bond of trust.
You will find the information on shush/pat (the go-to method of supporting your LO) in the FAQs.  This method can be adapted if needed, for example if you LO is used to the movement of the car I would suggest a small rocking motion in arms and then in the cot rather than patting, you might find he settles more quickly that way.  Some LOs don't like being patted you might find that a firm hand on him in the cot with a very small movement produces something similar to the rocking/vibration of the car.  This rocking motion can be reduced gradually in the same way that shush/pat is reduced and weaned to gently teach your LO to sleep independently.
It's not a "magic wand" and won't suddenly resolve all your issues over night, it can be very hard work too, but it does work and it is lovely to see your own LO happy in the cot and able to sleep with confidence.

Hope this helps.