Which prop to eliminate first? Or go cold turkey?!

[loulou28]

Hi all,

My son is 3 weeks old and we have developed a pretty severe dependence on both nursing to sleep and being held while sleeping. I would be a little more laid back about it since he’s so young, but I’m a stay at home mom to our two year old as well, and my days during the week have been fairly stressful while trying to take care of our toddler without being able to put the baby down for naps. Our daughter is getting jealous and I’m exhausted!

I’m trying to figure out which prop to eliminate first - if I should try to cut out the nursing to sleep first  or just go cold turkey and spend next weekend trying to master the shh-pat method.

I’ve been trying to follow EASY but it’s hard since he loves to fall asleep while nursing. I’ll note that I have a fast let down so I have to nurse him in the laid back position to reduce his coughing/choking on my let down. This position seems to make him even sleepier. I do take his clothes off while nursing to try to keep him awake and that does help a bit. Currently he will fall asleep nursing and I’ll transfer him to his crib while asleep. He rarely lasts longer than 30 minutes this way.

Otherwise I’ll try to rock him to sleep but he hates that. He also doesn’t like a pacifier so this method is hard as it takes forever to get him to sleep and I have a toddler running around as well! He will reluctantly take it if he’s super overtired but the second it falls out he wakes up and gets angry, so I don’t necessarily want to use that either. I would love for him to be able to fall asleep independently so our toddler is attended to, he doesn’t get overtired, and maybe I even have time to sneak in a shower

I use a white noise machine and he’s swaddled. He gets very angry if I put him down sleepy but awake. He does like being patted, as I use that currently if trying to rock him to sleep.

Any input would be greatly appreciated. I feel pretty overwhelmed. Thank you all!

[Katet]

My son is 3 weeks old and we have developed a pretty severe dependence on both nursing to sleep and being held while sleeping. I would be a little more laid back about it since he’s so young,

This^^

Three weeks old is so tiny & the behaviours are 100% normal, exactly what a NB should be doing for at least the first 6 weeks, try & get a sling so the baby can sleep while you do things with your older child... that was my saving grace. My DS2 also was happy to sleep in the stroller, so, fortunately, I could get out to the park etc with DS1 to keep him busy

Honestly, it's normal for a toddler to have an adjustment period & find it hard -it comes in waves with a lot of older siblings & will be on-off for most of the first year or so, so the best thing is, to be honest with the toddler, "it's hard when the baby needs time isn't it... Mummy is learning what to do just like she did with you"

TBH if feeding to sleep is working for now I'd keep at it for the times when they toddler is around, but pick times when the toddler is asleep (if she naps) or bedtime when you work on  him learning to sleep without feeding. The first 6 weeks are pretty normal for them to fall asleep feeding & with 2 children I found it was often best to "do what works this week"

The most important advice I got when I had my second was they change so rapidly in their sleep needs & it's the toddler who will remember things more than the baby. So do what ever you can to keep the toddler's routine working & fit the baby around the toddler in the early months... which was where I ended up with only worrying about getting my DS2 to sleep in the crib when DS1 napped & bedtime & the rest of the time I had him in a sling or the stroller while we went about daily activities & (naughty me) let DS1 watch TV while I fed DS2, fortunately DS2 has always preferred physical activity over screen time as he's got older.