Author Topic: Severe case accidental parenting 5 month old  (Read 61 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline lxm100

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 2
  • Location:
Severe case accidental parenting 5 month old
« on: September 14, 2018, 08:37:35 am »
First time post here, sorry it’s a long one!

DD is 5 months old (23 weeks). We’re having some challenges with night sleep (which ive been working on) and naps (been working on schedule but haven’t started working on settling- would appreciate some advice before I get going!).

Background info- at 6 weeks daughter was diagnosed with cows milk protein allergy and silent reflux. Symptoms settled a bit. She’s EBF and I progressively cut more and more from my diet (on dietician advice). Its only in the last couple of weeks that I’d say she is truly symptom free - this coincides with me working on her schedule and bedtime, which leads me to believe perhaps a lot of symptoms were tiredness/stress related (poor thing :( )
Until about week 10, she cried so much that we’d do anything we could to get her to sleep. Mainly rocking/holding. Even when her crying settled down (about week 12), theres always been the worry that she’s in pain so have continued to do anything to keep her from crying and for her to get some rest. She had to be held upright for 20mins after feeds, which developed a habit in the might of being held to sleep.
She is held for all of her naps at home. She will nap happily in the car, and also in the pram (unless there’s sudden loud noises).

The past few weeks I’ve been encouraging a more predictable routine, alongside working on settling at bedtime (more below). This is roughly what EASY is now:

WU: 7 (actually varies between 6.30 and 7.30. I’d like a 7/7.30 WU but often she’s up at 6.30 still tired)
E: 7.30/7.45 (if I feed straight on waking she won’t take full feed)
A
S: 9-10.30
E: 10.30
A
E: 12 (have to offer top-up. She never really takes full feed after first nap-too distracted (have tried dark room, she just gets cross))
S: 12.45-2.15
E: 2.15
A
E: 4 (only if she hasn’t taken full feed after lunch nap)
S: 4.45-5.15 (she fights this catnap but I always have to wake her from it)
E: 5.15 (she won’t need this if she’s fed before her catnap)
A (she is always sooooo cranky here until she’s given a bottle)
Bedtime routine:
 6.15: 4oz bottle breast milk (used to feed after her bath but have found she’s much MUCH happier if she’s given most of her bottle before her bath)
6.35:bath
6.55: 2oz bottle breast milk
6.05: held to sleep
BT 7.15

She’ll then wake twice (occasionally 3 times) in the night and I feed to sleep. The first wake (typically between 1 and 3) is hunger. The next wake(s) is exactly 2 hours after, I know she’s not hungry but I feed anyway as it’s the quickest way to get her back to sleep.

I think the bedtime routine is right for her. 2 weeks ago she was breast fed fully to sleep (about 45 mins) then held upright for 20 mins before laying down. I’ve gradually removed the feed to sleep association - she’s now held (sitting down and not moving) to sleep. I’m going to gradually start settling in crib with pat/shh (with firm hand, pat is too stimulating for her).

So, now my actual questions (well done if you’ve made it this far through my ramble!!).

1) is it worth introducing a late evening feed? On the odd occasion she’s woken earlier than usual, say at 11.30pm instead of 1am, she’s then slept a stretch of 5ish hours. Meaning only one wake that’s in the early hours of morning.

2) I’ve been very gradual with changing how she falls asleep at bedtime. This has worked really well, with very minimal crying so far. Should I take the same approach with naps (e.g. move from rocking to sleep to holding to sleep. Then holding to sleep to holding to settle. Then holding to settle to pat/shh in cot etc). Or should I just go straight for it with pat/shh in her cot? She will ALWAYS cry at least a little bit with her naps, so I feel like a gradual approach might not actually work.

3) Does the EASY look ok? Any suggestions for tweaking?

Thanks very much in advance!

Offline _mumma_cole_

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 3
  • Location:
Re: Severe case accidental parenting 5 month old
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2018, 12:25:11 pm »
I’m not commenting to offer advice on your EASY (although having had 3 kids the fact you have his in place at 5 months I think is phenomenal!) but rather to say my middle baby was severe CMPA-screamed for 20 out of 24 hours a day. It was true hell. What you’ve done isn’t accidental parenting, what you’ve done is survive. You’ve comforted a baby who was in severe distress and huge amounts of pain-nothing accidental about that!

My advice to you is to take the removal of attachment very slowly-such a traumatic start to life will have created a very unique bond for your baby, don’t rush it. For more of her life than not she’s been in pain-she will continue to need huge amounts of reassurance. The physical symptoms of CMPA resolve quickly when you find the causes but the psychological affects (for parent and child) continue for very much longer.

Well done for giving your baby what they need and for continuing to put them 100% at the forefront ❤️

Offline lxm100

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Posts: 2
  • Location:
Re: Severe case accidental parenting 5 month old
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2018, 07:53:50 am »
Thank you so much for your reply. It’s actually brought a tear to my eye. She’s our first and so there’s definitely a sense of “if we didn’t do xyz then she’d be a much better sleeper by now”. Constantly swaying between “we did what we had to do” and “we really shouldn’t have gotten in to these habits”.

Thank you for pointing out about the unique bond, I hadn’t really thought of it that way (is that terrible?). The gradual approach at bedtime is going very well so I’ll continue in that way.

We’ve questioned whether we’ll have another child. It’s just been so challenging and soul destroying at times to not be able to soothe your baby, and the lack of sleep in the first few months was torture. Given you went on to have another, I’m hoping that our feelings about it might change one day!